Young and Free | BTS [√]

ni ju ku

It was 2 or three weeks before it happened and Jungkook was, as usual, cozied up against his bed. He was searching through his phone aimlessly and checking out on his bank accounts. He could forget about his socials, he wasn't exactly a social person in reality let alone virtually.

His accounts weren't empty. There weren't a few pennies showing up in small digits that would remind him that his life was nothing but a train wreck and a form of devastation, but his screen was filled up with such a big number that it made his heart pound. Quickly he closed it off and the black screen showed his reflection like a mirror.

He would never get used to money. Or maybe, he would, someday but not now. Even after that he wouldn't get used to this life, again, he thought, maybe.

Jungkook's room was quite adjacent to the kitchen and since it was always so quiet inside his four walls that he could hear the voices of the other boys if they talked a bit louder from the other side.

"Oh my god, Jimin-ah, I ate only chicken breast for a few consequent weeks when I got here, believe me or not. I did not know what else to eat that had as good amount of nutrition and didn't take as much time to cook up."

Taehyung's gravelly voice reverberated against the confined space. Jungkook could visualize the blue haired boy making exaggerated gestures with his hands and widening his eyes to emphasise his words.

"You could eat ramen?" The small and low voice could only belong to Jimin.

"Those aren't that good for health. But actually," Taehyung's voice grew distant as if he was leaving the kitchen, "You are right. I get bored of them very soon though."

The voices disappeared and left Jungkook alone with his own thoughts to spend on.

The ceiling of the bedroom stared at him and suddenly it felt so vast and vacant that he felt like it would swallow him as whole. He turned to the side to notice his closet door hanging ajar, the clothes inside cluttered, an utter mess.

Slowly he realized his own bed was a mess as well. Yet he didn't feel like getting up on his feet to clean up. It only made his thought process twist to another way because he realized he had more outfits now than he ever needed. He was never that interested in the fits but there wasn't much to do with the money he got. A lot of these clothes were gifts he received from his client as well.

A recollection of wearing the other boys' clothes by accident before, suddenly showed up in his memories and a grin made its way onto his face.

It had been long since he properly went out there, sat and had a conversation with any of the boys in the dorm. Not that he ever was inclined to socialize anyway, however, these days he was becoming more and more of a recluse and he was starting to wrap himself in his own dingy little world.

Basketball was hard, what he did at home was harder for him.

These days he felt like doing nothing, only wanting to recline in his bed and let this state of exhaustion pass on.

It began since he had heard about Mrs Noh. Since then his head had been under a fog, cumulus clouds shrouding his clear line of thinking.

Jungkook scrunched up his eyebrows involuntarily, that again, he couldn't remember his childhood clearly and that was bugging him again.

He couldn't remember anything to be fair. Never in his twenty one year of life had he tried to look back but now he couldn't help but do that.

When he did, it was all so vague and unclear, only came in short snippets. There was not one extraordinary memory, one particular moment he felt like that was it.

When he felt like it was his life, he was the main character and everything revolved around him, there wasn't one single second he could recollect that gave him that feeling.

It was as if he was a spectator. He watched his own life morph into something that was so vulnerably dull, and went by so fast that he didn't remember most of it even as only being a witnes.

There's a part of him too that was mounting a wall against this, as if saying no to trying to retain his childhood and teenage memories.

Because there wasn't really much left there. What actually scared Jungkook was that after leaving the facility and spending almost a year in the university and the dorm, he didn't have much of a unique memory of his adulthood as well.

His life wasn't meaningful, or so he felt like. There was a blackhole in his heart that didn't succumb to anything. It was just perpetual darkness, a labyrinth down here.

What if all his life went by like that? In a blink?

What if he woke up one day to realize he was fifty years old with no exceptional memory of the past, no feelings attached to the present, and no planning ahead for the future.

It scared Jungkook, he was scared. He never really looked for meanings in life or youth but maybe that was because he always had too much going on all his life.

Now everything was too much, they were burdensome thoughts latching onto his back.

Nobody recognized him, and he didn't know himself at all as well. To the world he was an enigma no one wanted to solve. To himself he was just a void.

His phone dinged in a sudden pop-up notification and finally Jungkook roused from lying down. He looked at the screen to see the notification bar showing a message from Diana.

"Free? Want to face cam?"

He uttered a small sigh before flinging himself down to the other side of his bed to retrieve his laptop and webcam.

He clicked on his laptop before he raked a hand through his hair. He probably looked as messy as his bed and closet but that didn't matter. Most of his clients liked him in his natural habitat and for Diana she argued that she liked everything about him.

When the laptop came to life he opened the site where he worked. Most people he knew were very professional but he liked to stay himself, he was younger than most others too.

"Hey." Jungkook waved at the lit-up screen, the lady with jet black and long hair smiled from the other side though it looked very much of a blur due to the bad network connection.

"You seem happy today," Jungkook commented.

Strangely he didn't feel very anxious talking to females when it was virtual through this site. Maybe because it felt somehow unreal. The point was added too that he could leave whenever he wanted, no one could even come close to him through this.

"My husband went on a trip." She giggled loudly. "Did you get my gift? A playstation, I sent it last day."

"You should stop spending on me. And no, I didn't get it yet."

"They're taking time with the delivery," she said through her headphones, pausing a little after that to take a good look at Jungkook. "Can I use more of your hours today? I'll pay you accordingly."

"I have nothing to do anyway."

Jungkook had taken a leave from university telling the coach he needed to attend 'family' matters. He didn't feel like going back, not so soon.

"Where should we start today?" She said with mischief as she played with her sleeve that was dangerously hanging low on her shoulder.

"You tell me," Jungkook said, absentmindedly.

Again, he only felt like a spectator though it should be otherwise.

---
A/n: well, ah plot twist? But I saw some readers making guesses from the start. Solving BTS theories did make y'all very smart.