The King's Gold

Blankets

Yashima awoke later than he normally did these days, which was already quite late in the evening but he didn't quite feel ready to wake up yet, he had slept better than he ever had so he wasn't restless instead he felt lazy and content with the peacefulness of his new life.

It's almost as if my old life was just some kind of bad dream

A distant memory

It still haunts me and I can't help but feel guilty that I have a man that gives me everything in the world while I on the other hand cannot give him the queen and spouse he deserves

I'm no virgin

I'm soiled

I'm used 

A mate that didn't save anything for his husband

A foreign commoner 

A harlot

A whore 

I'm not worthy to be queen or a wife 

I know how to please men in bed but… as a piece of meat

I do not know how to actually make love or how to do all the things that make a man happy like cooking his food and cleaning his house and even if I did he is a king so it's useless anyway..

Sometimes it's just so hard to think about it all

It all seems to have happened so fast!

I'm a momma with a sweet little one on the way and sleeping in the arms of a lovely king in his palace!

...huh if all my bullies could see me now!

With a little smirk at imagining the shocked and jealous looks of all his tormentors he then slowly banished the thought away in favor of kinder ones like all the things he couldn't wait to do with his baby.

Then more dark thoughts returned.

What if I'm not a good mommy

I don't know how to cook sweet treats for my baby!

I don't know how to read so I can't help him with school things

Don't queens have their servants raise their babies? If so then… I'm only his momma by blood and name…

And I suppose then he would love his servants more then me… 

And love papa more then since he has something to give at least but me?

To get away from his dark thoughts he slowly blinks open his eyes to see that his sweet king was awake and while he sat up in bed as he snuggled Yashima close he spoke his native language to… a whole crowd of people in their bedroom!

Yashima blushed and hid his face in Kīde's robes and an array of giggles and gasps erupted from the crowd.

Yashima felt like he was about to cry fearing that all these people saw him as a childish fool or a golddigger swooning for the king's favor and that they had seen his unconventional skin and hair.