The New Recruit (LeviXOC)

Always

Anna's POV

Every day I woke up, I felt like my heart was shattering into thousands of pieces. I was utterly lost and confused without Erwin. It took all my strength to even wake up each day. I found some release in going underground and acting recklessly, but Levi eventually found me. Seeing Levi reminded me of how Erwin died; I didn't blame Levi at all. In fact I felt no malice towards him, the only feeling I had for him was love, which made things worse. When Levi asked me to hate him, I just couldn't bring myself to utter such false words to him, even if that would solve his guilty conscious. 

I'll admit that when he told me he loved me, my heart finally felt something other than pain. Even though I assumed Levi loved me, hearing him admit it out loud momentarily took all of my suffering away, but there was something I had to do before running into Levi's arms. I had to go back to my old house that lies beyond wall Rose.

Father, Erwin, and I lived in the countryside that was near a small village. I wanted to go back home.

After Hange allowed me to go over the wall with my horse, I rode straight for our house. It had been many years since I had been there, but I could still remember the general location of it. It was already late in the day, so I only had a few more hours of daylight. 

As I rode, the wind blew my untied hair behind me. Being out alone gave me a sense of freedom, no squad to hold me back, no comrades to look out for; It felt nice. I pictured my brother, thinking about whether or not he was feeling the same freedom I was. I prayed that he had found peace and was now resting. Losing him made me lose a part of myself, the more childish side of myself. I felt like I had to truly become an adult and rely on myself for everything. I needed to take charge and be more serious like my brother was.

All these thoughts ran through my mind as I gripped the reins tighter. I saw a titan in the distance and decided to help take out the remaining titans in wall Rose.

I jumped off my horse and swung around in the air until I landed a fatal blow. Satisfied with my work, I climbed back on my horse and continued on my way.

After two more titan kills, I had finally reached my destination. Our home was long abandoned and looked more like ruins at this point.

I dismounted my horse and entered the once standing house. The doorway was still up, but the door was on the floor, buried by rubble. I continued into the ruins of my old home, I walked to where the kitchen used to be. I could see Father standing there while Erwin and I played on the floor next to him. I felt tears tug at my eyes. I ran my finger along the cracked dinner table and remembered the time Father gave me my necklace that used to belong to my Mother. I instinctively reached for the heart shaped pennant and swiped my thumb over it.

I continued into Fathers old study which now had a huge hole in the ceiling above it. Moon light shone through the hole and illuminated the small room, showing me the various papers scattered around the floor and old books laid around. Erwin and Father would spend a lot of time in this room. The sudden emptiness in my chest brought me to my knees.

"What a great representation of how our family has become, isn't it?" I asked myself.

Broken tables, forgotten books, and crumbling walls, this was what's left of my family. More tears fell from my eyes as I gripped the bracelet Erwin had given to me. So much of him and Father were in this room. I sat myself up against the wall and hugged my knees to my chest. I felt more alone than ever.

"My sister is truly the best..."  I heard Erwin's voice in my ear as I cried.

"No brother, it was you who was the best." I replied to the voice in my mind.