Poetry {Mostly Free Verse}

In the side of my bed

As I lay in my bed
I think of all the words I never said
But I replay
Day by day
Every single word
So absurd
That this is me every night
Replaying the fights
I lost against them all
Curled in a ball
This is every night
Every single night
I lay awake thinking should I
Take the risk of dying
Cause that's all you ever told me
To do to go kill myself but me
And you see things different
Because we are all just a little bent
Some more than others but
No matter what
Theirs always that one thing
That I've been hiding since spring
The small silver blade
Covered in every shade
Of red
That I stuck in a hole in the side of my bed
Just in case I need it
To make that simple slit
That will end it all
That I've wanted to do for so long
Just so you would have to live with
The guilt of my death
For the rest
Of your
Life here on earth
As for me
Life is great in heaven
Somewhere you'll never be