I killed my sister

chapter 29

I stood up with my head down praying she wouldn't recognise me, it was a futile effort. She starred at me the whole time across to the room. That's it she's going to go back now, get on her phone and tell everyone. The whole school would know by the end of the night. I would be the talk of the town, School girl pregnant who's the dad?

I heard the midwife call my name and I looked up and realised she had said it a few times.

"Are you okay?" She asked.

"Uhh yeah I'm fine I must have drifted off to daydream land" I laughed.

"Okay shall we get started then. First I need to know about you. If you can just fill out this firm for me." She handed me a piece of paper and a pen. " first visit is a lot of questions some paperwork and blood tests" she smiled at me.

I smiled back know and looked down at the questions. The first few where easy, name, date of birth, address etc. Then it asked for last menstrual cycle I didn't know that so left it blank. There where questions about my health, did I smoke or drink alcohol. Ticked no to both of them. There where also questions about depression, blood and family history. I filled it out as best I could and handed it back.

"Thank you. I have one for the fathers information, if you could get him to fill it out." She handed me another piece of paper.

"I don't know if he will" I said.

"Ah. Is he not with you?" She asked.

"Not really no, he hasn't spoken to me since we found out. He is the only person I have been with and it was only once. I think he regrettes it completely" I said trying not to burst out crying.

"It's okay. Many strong women do this on there own all the time. And you won't be alone I bet you will have your friends and family to support you. Have you told anyone else yet?"

"No, I don't have any friends and my parents don't care about me not since the crash" I said.

"Oh, your that issy. Sorry that didn't sound right. I'm sorry for your loss. Have you seen anyone about the situation at home. It will be stressful doing this on your own, I won't lie to you. You will need someone to talk to and help you out. I'm guessing you won't want to talk right now but there is some support groups for ladies in your situation I can get you into if you would like?" She was lovely so I nodded my head.

"Okay now we need to get these bloods off you" she smiled and got out the needles.

It wasn't so bad she took a few vials of blood to send off for testing and that was it really. She gave me my maternity notes and told me to bring them with me whenever I came to see her and also to remember a pee sample too. He gave me a load of leaflets and stuff to read. One about depression and one about labour and delivery. After reading them on the way home I realised there was a lot of things I needed to decide on. Like did I want to have my baby at the hospital or at home? What sort of pain relief would I want to use if any at all? Did I want to feed by breastfeeding or bottle? Who would be my birthing partners?

I read about what to take to hospital with you and realised there was different options for nappies too. Cloth ones disposable one and if I used disposable what brand would I use. If I bottle fed I had to decided on brand of bottle. If I breastfed I had to get nipple pads and nipple cream as well as a special bra. I had a long weekend ahead of me doing lots of research. I know I didn't need to figure all this out now but why not get a head start on things. It made me feel more in control knowing all the possibilities and writing list. Organising my life, a little OCD but it made me feel better that's all that mattered really.