Pertembungan dua dunia, jantina dan cita-cita.
Perempuan berakal satu? Keputusan dibuat selalu melulu. Tiada istilah gadis berhati batu. Gersang emosi dirawat rayu. Ketikan jari tiba-tiba melaju.
Dana Dian layu.
Lelaki akalnya sembilan? Kerenah gega...
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Riak wajah Haden nampaknya seperti tak bersalah. "It's been buzzing. It could be important."
Saat itu baru aku perasankan bunyi buzz itu. Telefon yang sudah aku letak di tetapan senyap bergetar-getar di atas bar tempat kami makan tadi. Untuk menutup malu, aku ubah soalanku. "No, I mean really really?? You stopped doing me because my phone's buzzing? I heard it but if I didn't care, why should you??"
Aku menipu. Aku tak dengar pun. Aku terlalu asyik dengan nafsu dan semua kemahuan gelapku bersama Haden, sampai malah mahu mengajaknya bersama. Apa aku dah buat ni? Kerja gila apa ni? Aku terus membetulkan baju dalamku.
Saat itulah baru wajah Haden nampak serba salah. "I'm sorry but it won't stop buzzing, meaning the person doesn't stop calling, which means it could be urgent. I didn't mean to stop..."
Aku terus menolak tubuhnya jauh daripadaku. "You know I was tempted when you said you'd finish me first. It's fine if you don't want to do it with your dick! I was just caught up in the moment, okay!" Rasa macam terbakar kalau dia terlalu dekat. Semua kepulan nafsu merah yang terkumpul tadi sudah bertukar menjadi amarah. "Maybe I was wrong to ask for it but for the record, you'd led me on! I really thought you wanted it!" Aku terus menyarung semula kemeja. "I was so close to coming before you killed it all. And now I feel like a fool."
"Dian—"
Aku terus menaikkan sebelah tangan, menyuruhnya berhenti bercakap lalu aku turun dari kaunter dapur. "Save it. It's over. I'm getting the call, just like you ask of me."
Haden terdiam. Aku tak tahu riak apa yang bermain di mukanya tapi aku tak peduli. Tak pernah aku rasa terhina sebegini dengan kebodohan yang berganda-ganda.
Aku betulkan seluar saat merapati telefonku yang masih bergetar untuk kesekian kali. Aku baca nama pemanggil. Jasmine. "Urgh! Seriously?!" Aku membentak.
Dalam ramai-ramai orang, kenapa Jasmine yang telefon aku berulang kali? Panggilannya tak pernahnya sejenis panggilan kecemasan yang betul-betul penting. Selalunya kalau dia telefon berulang kali macam ni sebab nak mengadu 'date night' dia dibatalkan atau penemannya 'mengecewakan' di ranjang.
Marah pada Haden tertempias terus ke Jasmine. "What do you want, Jas?" Intonasiku kasar sebaik panggilan videonya aku terima.
"Oooo! Feisty!" tempik Jasmine. "Baby girl, do you know that your pent-up angst can easily be solved by—"
Terus aku potong bebelannya, "Getting laid, yes, I know. But men are assholes, so save your preach. What do you want?"
Jasmine di skrin mencebik muka sedikit, acah-acah merajuk. Rasa bersalah terus menghurungku. Jasmine tak bersalah. Malah, kalau difikirkan, dialah yang menyelamatkanku daripada melakukan kesilapan terbesar bersama Haden malam ini. Aku menghembus nafas. "I'm sorry, I..." Aku menarik dan menghembus nafas lagi. "It's been a long day. I'm just a little tired. So, what's up? You called multiple times. What's the urgent matter this time?"
Jasmine kembali senyum. "That's my girl!" soraknya sebelum riak wajah Jasmine berubah. "Ah, but you've had a rough day. I'm not sure now if I should tell you now but—"
"Just tell me, it's fine. It's been one hell of a day, so there's no way it would get any worse. Besides, you can't just not tell me after spamming my phone like that," gesaku.
Jasmine sepertinya berkira-kira. Jarang aku nampak dia keresahan macam ni. "Okay, but before that I have to confirm with you something. Has Ziyad ever contacted you and you not tell me? Calls, texts, whatever? E-mails even?"
Ziyad. Jasmine menyebut satu nama yang sudah aku haramkan dalam kamus persahabatan kami. Kalau tadi aku sangka tiada apa yang boleh tambah merosakkan hariku lagi, aku silap besar. Menyebut nama itu ialah permulaan kepada neraka ketujuh. "Jas! We promised! Why did you have to bring that name up?!"
Jasmine mencelah, "I know, I'm sorry I break it! But it's important for me to know! I was just wondering if you didn't tell me about it because we promised not to mention him ever, but has he—"
"No! Never! You know I'd blocked his number in my phone! And even if he tried to reach me using a different one, I wouldn't pick up! You know I don't accept calls from strangers! But even then, no! He never! Besides, this is my new number! There is no way he knows about it. So are we done talking about him yet?! I feel nauseated!" Aku tak sengaja nak mengamuk begitu. Tapi tahap sabarku sudah sampai had untuk hari ini.
"That's why I called. Because he does, Dana. He has your new number in his phone," jawab Jasmine dengan wajah serius.
