"I smiled" isn't a dialogue tag

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You've probably read a book with or have written, dialogue tags like: "He grinned", "They smiled", "She laughed", or "He shrugged".

You may ask me, why am I salty about dialogue tags that are seemingly fine and common?

And to that, I say, because you can't fucking GRIN words you cretinous crusty clown now can you?

The first idiot did it and everyone else followed without thought, let alone second thought. Other than cliches, never have I seen such a large case of monkey see monkey do.

You're supposed to write something that's coherent for your audience, something that's clear in depicting action and narrative. Using actions as dialogue tags isn't coherent. Because like I just said, you can't smile a sentence, you say a sentence while smiling. 

I shouldn't have to explain this shit.

A simple way to fix your ignorance? Just add an actual dialogue tag onto the action. (E.g: "Mate, your hair has seen more bleach than a pornstar's asshole at this point," Salem said with a laugh.Just slightly adjust your dialogue tags to make logical sense. It's not hard to bury your idiocy.

Oh and while you're at it, stop writing dialogue in all caps and putting an exclamation point AND following it with "shouted" or "screamed" as the tag. No shit there's screaming. You only need to establish tone with one method. And no, using multiple is not emphasis, it's redundant.

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