Last shot to redemption [a Adam Cole story]

3 Trying to move on

The last three months I spent most of the time redesigning the house. Thank God my uncle worked in the construction business and helped remodel it so that it didn't remind me too much of Adam. Some new additions, new colors, new furniture and decorations. I hoped these changes would allow me to call this place home again. Besides I need a nursery for the baby anyway, so we decided to overhaul the whole house on this occasion.

Of course I could have looked for a new house, but I didn't want to spend months looking for something suitable in the right area. I was afraid that I might not make it in time for the birth. It was a stress factor that I could keep away from myself. God knows I was already tense enough.

It was an exhausting process and I was glad about the distraction it gave me. Between the construction work in the house and my work and doctor's appointments, my family and friends tried to take my mind off things. But all this did not change the fact that I lay awake at night and my thoughts were more than dark. My heart was broken and my head was spinning with thoughts about why I should continue. There was only one answer to this question for me. The baby. My little helpless baby who needed me and who needed me to be strong. The life growing inside me was the only thing that kept me alive.

For today I decided to work from home. After another sleepless night, I was too exhausted to drive to work and was glad that I could choose whether to work in the office or from home on the insurance cases. So I had the possibility to take a nap in between work. Later BF/N wanted to come and visit me. We wanted to have lunch together and then go to the mall to start shopping for the baby. Oh, and maternity clothes for me were also in order as the babybump grew and grew. It took a while until the gynecologist could tell me the sex of the baby, because it was always lying with its back to the front. But two days ago the baby finally allowed a decisive glimpse. My baby was a boy.

I was really excited that I finally knew my baby would be a boy, but as always in these last three months, my joy did not last long. Again, the thoughts came up that my son would grow up without a father and how I would be able to do it all by myself.

It was just after 1 pm when there was a knock at the door. I was just on my way to open the door when BF/N entered. Impatient as she was, she didn't feel like waiting until I got my butt off the couch and let herself in most of the time.

"Hey Y/N. How are you and the little man? I brought us lasagna and of course a salad for the health. I also made you some more of that chicken noodle soup that you love so much. Then you can just defrost it when you have a craving for it in the evening," she began to explain before I could even greet her.

"Uhhh you are the best BF/N! I am starving. Otherwise we are fine, well except for the fact that I have to pee all the time. But I think that's inevitable when someone is lying on my bladder. Why don't you put the lasagna in the oven to heat it up while I set the table," I replied.

"That isn't necessary. I just took it out of the oven half an hour ago, so it's just the right temperature for eating." God bless that woman, she thought of everything.

"Even better. Then let me just finish the table," I said.

A few minutes later we were sitting at the table together and talking while eating.

"So still a little over four months left?" BF/N asked.

"Yes, hard to believe. The nursery is so far furnished. I have ordered the stroller and the baby carrier. So all I need is the basic equipment for the little one, oh and comforter covers for his crib. Preferably several of these. Just in case. I have read on the internet what is recommended and how much I will need for each of these items. I have written a list so I don't forget anything important. For example the bottles or the pacifiers. You know? It's a lot of stuff that a baby needs, apart from diapers and clothes," I told her.

"Are you sure you don't want a baby shower? Then you don't have to buy everything yourself." It wasn't the first time she asked me, but I always said no. It was the last thing I needed: To be the center of attention and get more pity looks. No thanks, I had enough of that.

"Yes, I'm sure. Are you ready? Can I clean off the table so we can leave?" I tried to change the subject.

"Yes, wait, I'll help you." BF/N replies. Together we loaded the dishwasher when it came to a topic I didn't want to know anything about.

"I know this is a sensitive subject, but have you thought about whether you should tell Adam? I mean it's his son, too," she asked cautiously.

"You know exactly that I don't want to hear that name anymore, BF/N! And no, I will not tell him. And even if I wanted to, he has ignored me so far. Why would he want to hear from me now? I made a decision and that's it. So please let it go. I don't want to hear about it anymore," I replied in anger. I took a few deep breaths. I shouldn't get so upset because it wasn't good for the baby.

"Okay...you ready? Can we go?" I wanted to know.

"Y/N, I'm sorry I brought it up. You know I love you and I want what's best for you and babyboy. And I will always be there for you!" she said and hugged me from the side. Then BF/N put her arm around my shoulders.

"All right then, let's spend a lot of money. I'm going to spoil the little buddy like crazy. You better get used to it." She made me laugh with that. Everybody needed a friend like that in their life.

"Okay, let's go."