Last shot to redemption [a Adam Cole story]

9 Rollercoaster of emotions

Today was another day for Adam to come by and visit Aiden. And although he had been here a few times before, I still didn't know how to deal with having him back in my life. To say that my emotional world was upside down was the understatement of the century. The visits two to three times a week demanded a lot from me emotionally. I pulled myself together as best I could because I knew it was the best thing for Aiden. But I couldn't stay around Adam for long. I always found some excuse to leave the room.

On one hand so I didn't have to listen to his apologies again and on the other hand I couldn't bear to look into his eyes. It hurt to look into his eyes because it brought up so many memories in me. Then there was the pain in Adam's eyes. Every time he looked at me or Aiden, you could feel and see how much he was hurt by his own actions.

If I thought that last year I had accepted the end of our relationship, I was deeply mistaken. All these feelings for him suddenly came back. And additionally a lot of new feelings. I still couldn't believe that he really believed that I had cheated on him.

Betrayal, insecurity, love, humiliation, hate, disappointment, fear and hope changed so fast in my head that it made me dizzy.

There it was. The knock at the door that let me know that Adam had arrived. Aiden was lying on his blanket on the living room floor, busy with his stuffed animals and other toys. I went to the door to let Adam in. Before I opened the door I closed my eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. I opened the door and there he stood with a bouquet of flowers in one hand and a big bag in the other. I stepped aside and let him enter.

"Hey Adam." I greeted him.

"Hi Y/N. I hope I am not too late but I had to pick something up. How are you doing? And how's our little man?" Adam said as he took off his shoes.

"You're almost on time, so nothing to worry about. We are fine. What is all this?" I wanted to know.

"Oh, these are for you. I know how much you like lilies. And then I brought a few things for Aiden," he replied as he handed me the flowers.

"Adam, I told you last time not to buy me anything. And the little one has everything he needs," I told him again as we went into the living room and he immediately sat down on the floor with Aiden.

"I know Y/N, but please let me have the joy of bringing you guys stuff. I've missed so much, so I have to make up for it now," Adam replied.

I didn't say anything more about it when Adam turned his attention to his son. When Aiden saw his father, he made joyful little noises. It was clear that he immediately took his dad into his heart. I went to the kitchen to put the flowers in a vase. Once again happy for the excuse to leave the room. After I put the vase with the beautiful flowers on the kitchen island I decided to start preparing dinner for Aiden. I didn't get very far though, because a little later Adam came into the kitchen with Aiden in his arms. The baby babbled happily while he chewed on one of his teething rings.

"Hey why don't you join us?" he asked me.

"I have to prepare dinner for Aiden. So go spend time with your son, Adam," I said.

"It's 3:00 in the afternoon Y/N. What is really the reason why you are avoiding me?" He had noticed it. I actually thought that he was always too busy with Aiden to pay attention to me.

"Do you want to know the truth?" I asked him.

"Yes, of course." he replied.

"It hurts, Adam. Being around you...hurts. To look...into your eyes...hurts. I'm really doing my best...for Aiden's sake, but that doesn't change the fact that it hurts...so much to have you around me." I explained with tears in my eyes.

"Y/N, I didn't know..." he started, but I cut him off.

"Just...give me time. Please. Can you do that for me, please?" I asked him.

"I'll do whatever you want. If-if you want me to go..."

"No. Just go spend time with Aiden. I'll be fine." And that's exactly what he did. As usual, Adam spent a few hours with Aiden. He fed him his dinner and said goodbye afterwards.

After Adam left, I bathed the baby and put him to bed. I spent the hours after that doing chores and working on some remaining insurance cases before getting ready for bed.

I just came out of the bathroom and was about to go to bed when something on the nightstand caught my eye. A small velvet box and a small piece of paper. I took the note in my hand and read:

Y/N I had this custom made for you as

 a symbol of my gratefulness for the life you gave our son. 

Adam

I opened the box and inside was a necklace with a beautiful ornate pendant with an A engraved on it. I carefully took out the necklaces and moved my finger over the small A in the middle of the pendant. Once again my feelings went on a roller coaster as I put the necklace on and went to sleep.