Last shot to redemption [a Adam Cole story]

7 Realizations

Adam POV

I was like frozen, as if my body had completely forgotten how it works. I had even forgotten why I had originally gone to the mall. It was as if my entire system had come to a complete stop. Too many realizations came rushing at me at once.

Which of these was the truth and which was a lie? Did I overreact when I thought Y/N had cheated on me? On the other hand, why would Britt make something like that up? Was she so jealous that she deliberately sabotaged my relationship?

There was only one way for me to find out which of the two was right. I had to talk to Britt. But I really didn't want to do that because it wouldn't change what happened. The more I thought about it, the clearer it became to me what I had actually done. For the first time in over a year, I thought really intensely about what had happened that day. Up to that point I had always avoided it as much as possible because it just hurt too much. I probably believed her lie because deep down I never believed that I was good enough for Y/N and that I would only disappoint her anyway. I believed that sooner or later she would leave me. So I took the easy way out, which I believed would spare me a broken heart.

But I could not have been more wrong. My heart broke anyway. Every time I thought about Y/N this past year. And even when I didn't show it to anyone. Y/N was right. I let a lie destroy our relationship because I thought it was easier to break her heart than to let her break mine. And in the end it didn't matter because my heart still broke into a million pieces.

And even worse than all this, as if it wasn't painful enough, through this lie I might never have known that I had a child. I was a father. I was sure that if I hadn't happened to see Y/N in that parking lot, I probably never would have known she had my baby.

And I could not even blame her. What kind of a man was I? I let my insecurities destroy the best thing that could have happened to me in life. Plus, I missed how my baby grew inside of  Y/N. I would never know how it felt when the baby moved inside of  Y/N and nudged against my hand. I had missed the birth of my own child. How could I live with myself from now on?

With one impulsive action I had messed up my whole life. I changed the lives of many people within seconds when I decided to believe a lie. A lie from a person from my past.

I had to find a way to make up for it, but I doubted that no matter what I did, it would ever be enough. Now I could only hope and pray that I would have the chance to try. Would Y/N allow me to be a part of our child's life? I had no idea. I had to do everything in my power to somehow regain her trust. No matter how impossible it seemed to me at that moment.