Great Loss (a hotchniss story)

feelings (hotch's POV)

There's so much going on right now. I'm Unit Chief, my wife passed away because of Foyet, I have a son who has no mother. And now Strauss tells me that Emily has an offer from Interpol.

I didn't think she had such good skills. I underestimated her. Elle left us and letting in someone new into the BAU was hard. Obviously the FBI did background checks but was she good for the team? I wasn't sure until she stuck around and helped us solve cases. And now she's a member of the BAU for a while now.

She's different from the others. It's hard for her to trust. She also has a difficult time expressing her feelings. Every now and then, I reassure her and the team that they can come into my office and talk about their feelings. I'm not just their boss, I'm also their friend.

A couple days before, Strauss entered my office, saying she had something important to say.

"Aaron, the people at Interpol want Emily to work for them. They've given her a month to state her decision. I wanted you to know first because you are Unit Chief for the BAU, and I thought it might be best for you to be the one to tell her," Strauss stated.

"But she hasn't been here for more than 3 years? Why do they want her now? She's one of the best for our team," I declared.

"That's the thing Aaron, she's one of the best. Tell her soon so she can make the decision," Strauss said as she walked out and closed the door to his office.

Interpol was one of the top notch programs to work in. But how did they learn about her? Why now? I didn't want to lose her. Not now. Not ever.

I have feelings for her.

I know, it's a bad thing. Me being her superior. But like I said, she's different. Something about her is so attractive. She's obviously beautiful, with her dark hair and her eyes. And that smile. Her smile is something else.

But I don't know if she feels the same. She flirts with Morgan a lot and I don't want to be the one who has to discuss boundaries with them. Especially not in front of Emily, she'll probably hate me and I don't want her to.

But Morgan bouncing from Garcia to Emily? It seems like he's playing them like pawns from a Chess game.

Strauss doesn't know about my feelings towards Emily. I mean she has her own stuff going on. But she did give me one of the hardest things to do.

Emily and I have a good friendship. When it's not about the case, we casually talk. I know we're not as close as she is with Penelope and JJ but it's something. Again, there's things I just don't know about her. It's hard to gain her trust.

Despite my feelings for Emily, I had to tell her about this offer. It wasn't my right to say no for her. I wanted her to stay, I deeply do. The sight of seeing her every day with that infectious smile. Sometimes when I look out my window, I look at her and smile. How could something little brighten someone's day?

I began to pace around my office. What if Emily takes the offer? I won't get to see her anymore. I don't want that. But what if she doesn't? She just passed up an amazing opportunity. I leaned towards her answer being yes, she would accept the opportunity.

Which meant that these feelings would have to go away soon. I always knew it would come down to this, especially her with Derek. I don't want to ruin a good relationship between two people. I already messed up my relationship with Haley because of my job.

I decided to avoid her. I couldn't handle developing more feelings, as she might move away. For good. Because of this stupid but amazing opportunity. But I like her, how can I avoid her. She's one of the things that brightens my day.

When was I going to tell her about this? I had to. And soon.

•••••

We just got back from a case. Everyone exited the elevator and had small talk. I gave looks and headed straight for my office.

"That was hard," I thought to myself.

Emily and I barely talked and if we did, it was about the case and catching the unsub.

Rossi entered my office and sat down.

"Aaron, what's up with you? You're acting different. Are you still grieving about Haley? She'd want you to move on," Rossi said.

I look up, "It's not about Haley. It's about Emily. I haven't told her but Strauss told me she got an offer from Interpol and I had to be the one to tell her."

Rossi looking happy, "That's great for Emily!" , he looks at you, "but you don't look happy for her."

"Dave, I haven't told her or anyone this but I have feelings for her. Something's different about her," I say.

"Is it that infectious smile she has? Because that's one of a kind," Rossi says.

"That's one of those things. She just seems so different," I say, blushing.

Rossi realizes, "But if you tell her about the offer, there's a 50 50 chance she might want to take that offer. And you don't want her to."

I start to worry, "I want to tell her my feelings because what if she's the one? She might be talking to Derek but I can be someone for her, a husband. I have to move on after Haley. She's the past. Emily will be my present and future."

Rossi begins to clap, "Then tell her. You don't have your whole life to tell her your feelings."

As Rossi walks out of the room, I call out for him.

"Hey Dave, thank you. I personally don't share out my buisness but it feels good talking to someone."

He replies back, "Anytime, go get em."

I start packing up my files but 15 min later, I heard a knock at the door. I walk over and open it. To my surprise it's Emily. I motion for her to come in and sit.

"What is it Prentiss?" I asked.

"Would you like to go to lunch? The rest of the team said no, and I thought it would be rude of me if I didn't ask you. But looks like you're getting ready to go somewhere," she said.

"I would like that actually, all I was going to do was get groceries but I can do that later. It's a date," I blurted out.

A frozen look came over her face. Did I actually just say that? We decided to go to Sydney's Diner, it had an All Day Breakfast menu and Prentiss craved breakfast so that's where we headed, in different cars.

This would be the perfect time to tell her.

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Author's Note:
so im pretty sure no one's reading this but im just doing this for fun. but if someone is reading this, ill make more, im just writing and thinking as I go. next part will possibly come out tmr, get ready :)