Hopelessly Devoted

Chapter 30- Church

We spent the rest of the afternoon lounging around on Sean's bed, watching crappy romcoms that neither of us really cared about. The movies were merely a distraction from real life. They allowed us to enjoy each other's company without having to think about the fact that I have to go back home to my father.

Spending the night with Sean was wonderful. It was so nice not to have to worry that my father would barge into my room, screaming about me getting a 95% on a math test or not coming home until after eight. Instead, I just got to relax in Sean's arms, enjoying the easy conversation that flowed between us. We hadn't gotten... inappropriate... again, but it was just because we didn't need to. We were satisfied with stealing simple kisses.

Despite our contentment, I had no choice but to return home. My father would be coming home from Akron, and if he knew I'd spent the night at a friend's house I'm not sure I'd ever be let out of the house again.

Because of this, I woke up this morning alone. My alarm loudly alerting me that it was 7 in the morning, the sun blinding my eyes, and without Sean next to me. 

I groan as I fling myself out of bed. Despite it being the weekend, I can't afford to sleep in late. It's Sunday. Sunday means church, and church means that I get up very early.

I pad into the bathroom and, as I brush my teeth, I can't help but feel apprehensive about going to church. After Sean and my conversation yesterday, thinking about walking into a building filled with people who despise me is more daunting than usual.

Even though I'd tossed and turned throughout the night from thinking about what he said, I cannot deny the fact that I'm still confused. I mean, shouldn't I follow the word of God as wrote? How could I justify bending my interpretation of the book in order to fit my perverse ways? Am I a sinner for even debating the fact that God is ok with my sexuality?

My anxiety was ever-present as I got ready for church. I wasn't really in the mood to put together anything nice, but I suppose one of the perks of being a guy is that you don't have to work as hard on an outfit. I settled with full-length tan khakis; a striped, blue, button-down shirt; and a pair of brown loafers. I messily ran my fingers through my hair so that it didn't look like I had just rolled out of bed.

When I'm finished dressing, I glance at the clock. It only took me about thirty minutes. Not the best record, I'll admit, but normally I spend the first ten minutes just lying in bed and wishing I could go back to sleep.

I grab my phone and am about to head downstairs when it vibrates.

*Bae <3*

7:28 AM- Mornin', baby.

Confused, I quickly respond.

7:28 AM- Sean? Is that you?

7:29 AM- Is there someone else that calls you baby? Cause if so, he and I are gonna have a lil chat...

I playfully roll my eyes before sitting down on my bed.

7:29 AM- I didn't recognize your contact name.

7:31 AM- LOL. That'd probably be because I changed it while you were in the bathroom. By the way, I'm flattered that you think I'm "the most beautiful boy in the world", but I believe you have me mistaken with yourself.

I blush a deep scarlet, embarrassed that he had seen such a stupid and childish side of me.

7:32 AM- Even at 7:30 in the morning, you're still a charmer. 

7:32 AM- Of course!

7:33 AM- Speaking of which, why the heck are you up so early.

7:37 AM- *shrug* Just kinda felt like it...

I squint at the phone. That took an awfully long time to send such a short message.

Shaking my head, I chastise myself for being that neurotic lover from every romance film.

7:37 AM- Alright. Well, I'd love to chat, but I've got to head to church. See ya later, love you.

7:38 AM- Love ya too, Rabbit. See ya.

Pocketing the phone, I quickly make my way downstairs. Services start at 8 AM, and normally I like to be there semi-early so I can pick out a seat. I like to be in the front, it makes me feel extra faithful and makes me less guilty for any impiety I'd committed over the week. Unfortunately, a very handsome boy had distracted me and now I'm running late.

My feet thunder down the steps, eager to leave.

"Father! Are you ready to go?" I hadn't seen him come in the night before, but I'd heard the door open.

A groan emanates from the living room to my left. My father was lying on the couch, spooning a bottle of gin. Upon hearing my voice, he visibly winces.

He waves a hand annoyedly at me. "Eh... fuck off."

I blush a bit at the display. I'm not unused to seeing him like this, but normally he'd never drink this much the night before church. Still, his answer was no skin off my back, and I continued getting into my car and driving to the church.

I park the car in my normal spot, three rows away from the front door. Hands firmly in my pockets, I casually walk up to the giant white building. I talk a breath, calming myself. 

For the next two hours, you are gonna forget. Forget about your guilt, forget about being gay, and forget about Sean. Today, you're just gonna relax and pray.

Galvanised, I feel a bit more at peace when I open the door.

"Hey! Hold up!" A deep, familiar voice sounds behind me.

Bounding up to me, in a grey polo and jeans, is my boyfriend. I internally curse myself for being a bit upset that he's here.

What the heck?! It's kind of hard to forget about someone when they're with you...

"W-what are you doing here?"

Sean smiles that stupid, beautiful smile. "Why, I'm here to attend church, of course!"

"You don't go to church, Sean."

"Well, you talk about it so much, I've become intrigued. I wanna see what this whole 'religion' thing is all about." His face and tone are genuine, but I just know something's up.

"Fine." My voice comes out a bit harsher than I'd intended. I walk through the door, my boyfriend right behind.