Kpop Girlgroups oneshots (Requests closed)

A Chance (Red Velvet X Male Reader Part 1)

Please read the A/N at the bottom.
(B/F/N) = Best friend's name. Preferably a girl to fit the plot.
Enjoy.

Dear Red Velvet,

Yet again was I feeling a certain type of way. I didn't know how to describe it. College was meant to make me grow as a person. But instead it seems as if it's been detrimental. Physically and mentally I've changed. I no longer am the bright and vibrant person people used to know me as. That person is gone. In his place is a broken, desperate person who wants someone to accept him for who he is. I thought I found a group who accepts me. How wrong I was. I want to open up about my struggles but I'm afraid they'll become judgmental. All I want is some help from people who may or may not be going through what I'm going through. But it's very unlikely. Depression is a sensitive topic and my lapses are coming back. This one's worse than the others and at the worst possible time. Does anyone genuinely give a fuck about me? Would anyone actually care should I commit suicide? I honestly don't know anymore. I'm scared that if I don't "treat" this it's going to develop into thoughts I don't want but haven't had in a while. I was never this close to the edge since...an incident. Ever since she left me because of my own actions I've been all over the place. One day I'm happy, the next I'm sad. The fluctuation is frustrating and I want a solution. But I've never found one. And probably never will. I just want to fucking coach soccer right now even though I don't have the credentials for it. I just want to do what I love right now. But I can't. And I hate it. The phrase "good things come to those who wait" couldn't be anymore truer right now. But am I mentally strong enough to persevere? Do I really need people to help me when this is my battle to fight? (B/F/N) was my best friend, someone I could talk to about anything. My boys were people I could be myself around. But my own actions have cost me both of those, along with my happiness. I do want a best friend. I do want someone who will listen, who will give me advice, who will help me fight my battles. Having that person by your side is absolutely crucial towards life in my opinion. I have yet to find that person and I know I have to be patient. I shouldn't force the issue. But how long will it take before someone is willing to take that step and/or I off myself first? I want to show my tears but don't at the same time. I want to open their eyes but it's not my place to do so. Will I be seen as weak if I dare shed a tear? Will people still treat me the same if I dare show emotion? I don't want sympathy, I just want help. Help out of this hole I've been in too many times. Counseling won't help, I've been through it before. Sharing such thoughts to a stranger just doesn't sit well with me. But then again, who would I tell out of everyone I know? In the end, what do I have to lose besides my life? What do I have to gain? Happiness evades me way too often but in the end I'm ready to accept it. If this is what it takes for me to just live, so be it. If anyone asks if I'm ok, I'll say I'm fine. I'm willing to continuously wear an emotional mask if that's what's meant to be. How long can I hold it in before it becomes too much to handle? Will I actually kill myself from the inside because of me bottling up my emotions? Who knows at this point. It's just a race against time honestly. Will I even reach the finish line or DQ early? Will I even fix myself up and insert myself back into the race or just accept defeat? Do I have what it takes to fight? Am I really that weak? Am I really that pathetic? Probably. Volleyball's turned into a competition instead of a place to hang out. I really do take everything too seriously. I've always been told that I have massive potential to be successful in life. But I know that's just a lie. No person I've met is blunt enough to tell the honest truth. I'm willing to fight for my career. But I have to fight so many minor battles before I embark on my coaching career. I have to get through countless episodes of depression before I choose to begin. I have to continuously hide who I truly am because in the end. Will these people really be there for me when it truly matters? I personally hope so. But the signs aren't pointing in the right direction with the exception of a select few. Maybe it's just a phase. Maybe it's not. But given I'm now in college with almost nobody by my side, I'm going to have to take this head on by myself. Unless I crack under pressure and spill or people reach out. But until then, my true identity will remain concealed until I have to reveal myself. This is going to have to be a solo battle unless miraculously I meet someone or people who are willing to go that extra mile for me. Wishful thinking. I shouldn't have even fathomed of such a possibility in the first place. Which is why I will continue to not talk about what I'm going through unless I TRULY have to. I refuse to burden others will problems they don't have to worry about. It's not their battle to fight after all. They shouldn't have to worry about something that is my issue. I don't want to waste their life. I don't want to waste their time. I don't want to play the victim. All I want is acceptance and love. Take that as you will. Will this be shown to anyone else? Possibly. But I'm going to do my best to make sure this remains between you and me.