Territory of Light (Bungou Stray Dogs X OC)

Episode 23: A Fated Meeting (Part Two)

That memory...

I thought it'll make me even worse but somehow, it became the opposite. I was surprised at first, of course, but as I keep repeating it on my mind...it somehow calmed me down.

It's weird.

I couldn't properly dissect my feelings. A part of me felt crushed, some part of me felt happy.

Maybe because I was thankful...I was thankful that I have another memory of him, one where I saw him smiling.

It was more than enough.

"Have you remembered?"

"Yes." I replied softly.

"Geez, I can't believe I need to come all the way here just to remind you that. I'm not getting any younger, Yuko." Natsume-sensei said while walking towards a boulder to sit down.

I still feel sick but somehow my mind's already calm. Thinking about it too much only made my head hurts and so I let it go.

There's no way I can ask Odasaku now why he didn't mention it to me.

For me to forget...

I'm an idiot just like him.

"Do you still want me to answer why I had the two of you meet again?" Sensei continued.

I raised my head towards him and stood properly, slowly dusting the dirt off my clothes.

"No. It's alright..." I replied.

It was my fault, not Natsume-sensei's.

Whatever reason he had of why he did it, I'm better off not hearing it anymore.

I should get a hold of myself. I was stupid. I let Odadaku see the useless side of me...I was better off from before...

Get a hold of yourself, Yuko.

At least do it for him...you shouldn't be this miserable. I'm sure he won't like it.

You promised him.

"I see. I'm glad you've thought this through..."

"Were you here because I might lose control, sensei?" I diverted my attention.

Natsume-sensei rested his chin on his cane and closed his eyes tiredly.

He must be getting old.

"No, not really. I know you'd be able to hold yourself back, I had no worries over your control...just your temper." He chuckled.

I find that hard to believe but if he says so then there's no need to argue.

"I brought you back here because I wanted you to finish your case, and you did. I'm glad for you."

"However..."

There it is.

Despite his compliment, there's his "however", meaning I still probably did something bad and that's why he's here.

"I wanted to make sure...are you sure you did the right thing by giving up a page from the Book?"

"That single sheet can turn into a serious matter if it goes into the wrong hands. You were to guard that Book...to keep it safe..." Natsume-sensei said in a stern voice.

I expected this to happen. Now, I have to explain myself.

"I know, sensei...that's why I gave them a sheet." I responded politely.

"It'll keep their attention away from the Book for the mean time, sensei, since they have more chances of finding it rather than to obtain the Book itself."

"And you think this page isn't enough to cause a trouble?"

Of course it's going to cause trouble, but it's not my problem anymore.

Right, like I can say something like that.

Natsume-sensei would kill me.

"Natsume-sensei, you once told me that humans are the ones who create their own unnecessary sufferings...things like that...they're beyond our control."

"I see no difference of what's bound to happen even if the page's out in the open or not...but I do want to know what they're going to do with it." I said seriously.

Natsume-sensei raised his eyebrows and looked at me with a contemplating look.

"Hmm...you have a point."

I almost sighed from relief after hearing him say that. I thought that he'll continue to roast me...

The reason I gave just now was the last excuse I can ever come up with.

"Still, I want you to take responsibility for it, Yuko."

Why?

"When the time comes that conflict will arise because of that page, make sure to do your part..."

I nodded.

"Only if that page's involve, Natsume-sensei...I'll come back in Yokohama if such conflict arises." I clarified.

"I promised that man I'll become a person. I don't think I can do that if I'm in this city..."

I don't belong to any organization anymore, therefore, I'm not responsible in meddling with Yokohama's conflicts.

Can I at least be responsible of myself first?

"You can go wherever you want, I won't stop you. However, when problem arises, make sure you get yourself here..." Sensei concluded without asking any more questions.

I gave him a slightly disapproving look.

Well, he did permitted me to go wherever I want, right?

Natsume-sensei slowly stood up and sighed. I think he's about to leave...

"You've come a long way, Yuko, and you're just starting. Because of what happened, I'll allow you to do what you want but don't forget what I've told you before...you can never run away from this city forever." He said.

Of course.

I can never really run away from this city, nor it will let go of me...but just this time, let me go, first.

"I understand. Thank you, Natsume-sensei..." I said in a low tone, slowly watching sensei bid his farewell and disappeared immediately.

I bowed my head when he left.

This city, huh? Right now, it feels more empty than ever.

I want to leave as soon as possible.

This day...this night...before I leave...finish what you have to do, Yuko.

What should I do next, Odasaku?

I glanced at the direction of where Mimic's headquarters was.

Making up my mind, I turned around and slowly made my way down the hill. I decided to leave.

I don't want to see Odasaku...the memory I had with him was enough. I don't want to see anything more than that.

I also don't want to see Dazai for the mean time and I think he's thinking of the same thing too.

It'll only make things worse if we both see each other's state.

This day is just too much...

Even if I already stopped crying, even if I already converse normally earlier, even if everything already seems like nothing...

It still hurts.

My chest still feels heavy and all I can do is to let it be and hope for it to go away.

I don't think it will disappear in an instant, though.