*Chapter 5*

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The rest of the day went by painfully slow. My mind didn't pay attention to the teachers and their boring, yet informational lectures. In stead, it focused on turning around and around the conversation between Luke and I. My heart had thudded loudly in my chest when he said the words I had been waiting for him to say all along.

He finally apologized for all of the shit that he put me through. After so long, I had given up on ever hearing those beautiful words leave his equally beautiful mouth. Then his gorgeous eyes agreed completely with what he was saying and they had shone with sincerity.

My heart broke when my mind told it that his words were to not be accepted. They could not be believed otherwise I would just be torn down again. I was finally happy, then he came along and ruined it all. I had a good relationship and he showed up and then all of a sudden I'm doubting my feelings and I feel like my world is crashing down around me.

Damn this boy who can make my calmed heart whirlwind, along with my mind. My whole body was frazzled by his presense and it couldn't continue on like this. It was making it hard to live the life that I thought was good for me before.

The final bell rang and I raced off to my truck, trying to avoid contact with any of my friends. I don't want to have to face him or be asked what happened. Because, knowing my nosy friends, they probably interrogated any witnesses and are now fully informed of the occurences.

I got in my car and sped home. Once there, I ran up to my room and locked the door. Then, I sat on my bed and dropped my head into my open palms. I tried to think it all through, tried to make sense of the crazy mess.

He was sorry, but was he? He wished he could take it all back, but would he? I guess the real answer here is that it doesn't matter. He can't take it back, reverse it, or make up for it. It happened and it tore me....it tore us to peices. We were all so close, and he ruined our perfect lives with his asshole behavior.

I guess that I deserved it for having everything be perfect. Nothing is perfect, and this is why everything came tumbling down. I should have seen it coming. I should have know that it would end. Oh well.

That was the only phrase to answer with right now, Oh well. There was nothing I could do about it so I should just get over it and move on, right? Wrong. It is almost humanly impossible to just move on. I'm not a robot, I have feelings and thoughts. Thoughts and feelings that will be clouded and absorbed in everything that is going on right now.

The only thing that keeps me going is knowing that this is God's plan for me and that He will help me through this. Everything will be okay...eventually.

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I had to go to school again the next day. My mom had to drag me out of bed and force me to school that morning. She had to pick out my outfit as well so now I was dressed in a UT t-shirt and some old skinnies, not my favorite outfit. My hair was thrown up in a bun and my face was void of make-up.

This simple fact had everyone in the school parking lot giving me crazy looks as I tried to walk inconspicuosly into the school. I finally made it into the lobby, but was only met with more stares there.

I walked over to my locker and found my small group of friends standing there and talking.

"Hey guys,"I said quietly.

"Hey,"they greeted strangely, giving me the same look as everyone else.

"Why are you giving me those looks? Why is everyone giving me looks?"I asked in exasperation, my face in a grim line.

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