Chapter 18: The Biggest Arse on the Moon

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Y/N POV

Once again, I was just sat in Moxxi's Up Over Bar, drinking like usual. Only difference this time was that I had Aurelia and other Jack here as company. The other Vault Hunters were off looking for a way to build that robot army and we even got Roland and Lilith helping us a bit. Did I trust them? No! Of course I didn't. But given the situation, I guess I could make a one off exception.

Anyway, we went to the Bounty Board in Concordia and we looked to see what there was. Sure enough there was a job available right now. We accepted in and heard the voice of Jack speaking through the Echo log.

He began to brief us on the task. "That stinking traitor the Meriff might be dead, but I hate leaving a job unfinished. Sure, I can't kill him again, much as I'd love to, believe me, but I can make sure no one remembers he ever existed. Hear ol' Huxter kept a kind of diary about his exploits, hid three juicy Echos in his office. I want 'em gone. Find 'em, destroy them. Let's wipe his grubby slate clean."

Other Jack spoke uneasily "Ah, you're, you're serious." Regardless of our opinions on how petty and trivial the task seemed, we headed directly up to the Meriff's old office. Once arriving at the office, Jack once again contacted us.

"Between you and me, the guy had an ego the size of a space station. A freaking space station. Those're, those're pretty big." We found our way into the Meriff's main office, where we were moments prior. We began looking for clues until Other Jack accidently pushed a button.

When he first did it he stepped back and defensively exclaimed "I didn't do it!" However soon a ladder appeared from the fish tank and we saw an Echo float up to the top. We heard Jack saying "Ugh, seriously, in the fish tank? What a prick! C'mon let's hear the old goat one last time."

We pushed the button on the Echo and sure enough the Meriff's annoying whiney voice filled the room. It said the following-

"First day on the new job and yee-haw, it's great to be king! I've worked bloody hard to get here! Greased multiple palms, and kissed more than my share of arses, ptooie! But, it's worth it. Concordia needs someone like me to steer it through some choppy waters, tough, fair, just the right amount of open-mindedness and if a bit of extra money happens to fall into my pocket as I do my job, we'll just call that campaign finance. Feels great to leave Hyperion. There I was just a small cog in a huge machine, but here? Here, I'm a big fish! I really need to work on my visual metaphors. Point is, the future's rosy for Huxter T Meredith, AKA, Concordia's new Meriff! Meriff: a mayor, and a sheriff. Ha!"

I let out an annoyed grunt at how pathetic this guy was as Jack said "Wow, how much crap can one guy shovel? I did the universe a favor wiping out his back-shooting, traitorous ass! You know what to do."

Of course we did as I shot the Echo and blew it to pieces. Jack voiced his approval "Aah. That was therapeutic. Ok, keep snooping around for another one." We did just that until we eventually found a book in a bookcase that when moved, moved the whole case to reveal a safe.

Jack, of course, commented on this. "The old moving bookcase huh?  The guy was a walking fickin' cliché. Nobody puts stuff behind bookcases anymore. Who even has books?! Let's have some fun and see what else our bull-shoveling pal had to say for himself, play it!"

Once again we heard the voice of the Meriff, it started out with him striking his ego like always but then he gradually shifted to potential guilt and maybe even regret.

"Everything's going according to plan, I'm richer than my wildest dreams, popular, alive. The other day, Philo Simons, the guy with the weird leg, came to the office to thank me for the work I did with the food drive. Thank ME. Shook my hand, tears in his eyes, can you believe it? trembling chin, the works. I'm a flippin' saint! But why can't I sleep anymore? Sure, I didn't use all of the money on food, but a man's gotta live! I mean, a little bit. I'm still what this place needs, aren't I? It's a hard universe and, Yeah, I can still turn this around. I can still change."

Jack once again commented on what we had just heard "Nah, guy like that doesn't grow a conscience overnight. He said it himself, he was happy to steal the food out of peoples' mouths! Sure, it's a tough universe, but there's no excuse for being an asshole. Unless you're funny with it, then it's kinda totally fine. But he wasn't even funny!"

I had to agree with Jack on that but still we destroyed the Echo and resumed our search until we eventually found a slot machine. Aurelia put some money in and gave it a spin. When the tray with our reward popped out we saw that it was the third Echo.

Jack simply said "Why listen to this? Just destroy the thing will ya?" Aurelia spoke up in disagreement "No, I think I'll listen to it. I'm beginning to find this surprisingly not dull." I nodded and said "Same here, besides I'd like to here what the sniveling little shit had to say next."

Jack said "Pfff, Fine man. Who's the boss here?" We played it and for the third time heard the Meriff's voice only this time he sounded much more distressed than he did before. It also confirmed for certain that he was indeed working for Zarpedon, whoever she actually was.

"She came last night, Dahl bitch. Made me betray Hyperion. Not that I care about the Board, money grubbers, just the clueless workers I'm probably helping to kill! I'm done, I'm out! I could feel the last of whatever it is I call a soul being destroyed as I accepted her payment. But I didn't want to die! And if I didn't do what she said, who knows what she'd have done to Concordia! But I did have the keys to Helios. If I leave, then maybe Zarpedon and her purple army will leave my people alone. I'll go somewhere. I'll try to make a fresh start, atone for my sins. I know I'm running away, bloody coward! I'm the biggest arse on the moon. And there are some arses on that moon, but I'm the biggest."

After hearing that final one Jack commented "So Hux was crawling around, searching for some kinda redemption, huh? Well I'll give him redemption! In fact, let's immortalize him in song! Don't destroy that last Echo, grab it! Take it to Moxxi's and give it to those DJ assholes, Boom and Rang. They owe me a favor, I got them the gig.

With the Echo in hand we headed back to Moxxi's bar and found Boom and Rang the two tiny DJs who were on their podium playing the music.

Image of Boom and Rang:

We handed them the Echo and received new orders "While they work on that I want you to do something else

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We handed them the Echo and received new orders "While they work on that I want you to do something else. You know that terrible, ugly ass statue of our Meriff? Get me its head. I'm cooking something up and I think you're gonna like it."

We reached the statue and blew it's head clean off before picking it up. Jack then contacted us again. "Good! You are gonna love this! Y'know that rocket in town? Well, we're gonna have ourselves a little launch party."

Aurelia condescendingly said "Oh you did a pun. Good for you." We headed over to the rocket and once there, placed the head on the end before setting the coordinates. Jack gave the signal and suddenly dubstep music blared over the speakers before being cut off as we heard a familiar voice.

"I'M THE BIGGEST ARSE ON THE MOON!"

As soon as that happened we launched the rocket, with the head still on it and sent it flying towards Pandora. After that, we turned in the bounty and collected our reward. Now we just had to wait for the time to storm Helios.

Author's Note: That concludes chapter 18. Now I just wish to explain something. Tomorrow I won't be updating this story because I want to get my RWBY sequel story finished and there's only three chapters left on that one so, I'm going to be prioritizing that tonight and tomorrow. However after that I promise I will continue with this story as usual. I hope you enjoyed the chapter and as always thanks for reading. 

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