Alone

Chapter 26

He had bags under his eyes, his hair stuck up in different directions as if combing it was the last thing on his mind and his clothes were all rumpled.

Uncomfortable and tense silence encompassed us. Neither of us knew what to say or how to begin.

"So..."

"Um-" We began simultaneously.

"You go first." I said.

He sighed, "Lizzy, I'm so fucking sorry for saying all those stupid things and I owe you a huge ass apology for it." Saying this, he slid the poptart box across the table towards me. I caught it and he continued to speak, "I let my anger cloud my judgement and I removed all my frustration on you. I know it was unacceptable, but—"

"Caleb, cut the bullshit. There's a reason why you said all those things even if it was through your anger. What I want to know is if that's what think of me—"

"No, Lizzy. I would never ever thi—" He said agitatedly, leaning forward to emphasize his point.

I stopped him by holding up my hand, "I'm not done yet." He shut up and reclined back. "Your anger may have been part of the reason why you lashed out, but maybe unconsciously you do think of me that way and so does Jacob. So, please do me a favor and tell me the goddamn truth. I want to know if that's what you think of me; a weak and pathetic person who let's my past control me. The past that you know nothing about." I paused letting my words sink in.

"My past is my past, and I decide who to tell or who not to tell. I've never pretended or acted fake around the both of you. It is the real me. If you think secrets help in building a relationship then you are extremely mistaken. Maybe that's how your relationship with other people works, but I do not want to be a part of something like that.

"Don't get me wrong, I definitely appreciate your help through everything and I'm extremely grateful, but I know how to take care of myself. You used me as a punching bag to release your anger. You hurt me by using my insecurities, things that I trusted you with against me. It hurt so much."

He looked remorseful and guilty, as if he finally understood the effect his words had on me.

"Sue me for worrying about a bruised up Jacob, who by the way loathes violence or did you forget that? Would the both of you not act the same way I did if positions were switched? I'm sure the both of you would fucking freak and demand to know. Is it wrong that I worry about the both of you the same way you'll worry about me?"

A huge weight lifted off my chest once I was done and I had said whatever I had to say without breaking down which made me feel proud of myself.

"Lizzy, I....I'm so s-sorry. That day was such a fucking disaster, and I didn't even realize what I had said until it was too late. I'm so fucking sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you. You didn't deserve it, and I understand if you can't forgive me." His head hung low with shame.

"What happened that day?" I asked, giving him a chance hoping he would take it.

He remained silent which gave me my answer. I didn't want to lose them, but there was no other choice. 

"Trust is a two-way street, Caleb, which is why I don't think this will work if you don't trust me." His head snapped up on hearing me, his eyes were red and filled with agony.

"I'm done getting hurt, Caleb." I picked up my things and before I could walk away—

"I'm so fucking sorry, Lizzy." He whispered lowly.

I walked out without another glance at him. I didn't stop until I reached my apartment, hands trembling as I searched for my keys. I had to stop myself for a few seconds to steady my trembling hands, so I could put the key in the keyhole.