love•hate || minsung

4

"hi mom." minho says as he walks into his house. he hugs his mom and quickly makes his way to his room. he throws his school bag down and flops on his bed.

"ugh they're so frustrating!" he lets out a muffled groan as his face is buried in the pillow. "i mean seriously! what's so wrong with hating someone? he's rude and- UGH!"

the next day at school he sits at the same table as always, waiting for his friends. as soon as they arrive, the air is awkward and tense.

"okay minho, you can't be mad at hyunjin forever." chan says to the boy, hating the awkward atmosphere.

"and whys that?" minho challenged him.

"because all he did was call you out on your shit!"

"pfft whatever, i'm going to the bathroom."

and minho got up and left, the whole group staring at him in disbelief. minho wasn't even really mad anymore, he just thought it was fun to mess with the boys.

as he walked into the bathroom he bumped into jisung, making the small boy fall.

"GOD DAMNIT CANT YOU EVER WATCH WHERE YOURE GOING, ASSHOLE!" minho screamed, towering over the trembling boy on the ground.

"i-i'm sorry hyung i wasn't paying attention and-"

"THEN START PAYING ATTENTION YOU USLESS PIECE OF SHIT!"

"i-i'm really sorry!"

"SORRY DOESNT CHANGE THE FACT THAT YOUR SORRY ASS KEEPS BUMPING INTO ME!"

"i-i.."

"you what? huh? say it pussy. what? got nothing to say now? pathetic." and minho walked out. he didn't plan on going to class today, walking up to the rooftop.

jisung crawled into the nearest stall and pulled his knees up to his chest. he started quietly sobbing. i know. i know i'm pathetic. i know i'm useless. i miss you mom. can i join you now? is it worth it? i don't like it very much here. i'm so pathetic i can't end it all.

(an: idk if you guys knew, but when he's talking like this, it's his thoughts)

the bell rang and jisung hurried to class. he made sure to pull his hood up and keep his head down. he made sure to sit in his normal spot at the back.

he's scared as he walks to lunch. he sits at his normal table alone. like every day, he observes the table across from him. it makes him feel lonely. he wants friends. too bad he's invisible. i want that. why can't i have that. friends, people who care about me. i really am pathetic. that hyung was right.

minho walked over to his friends and sat down. "hey guys!" he greeted them.

"oh, so you're not mad anymore?" hyunjin asked, low key scared for his life.

"i've been not mad, it was just fun messing with you." he shrugged.

"YAH HYUNG! i was scared and kinda mad all day! not cool!" hyunjin says as he playfully hit minhos arm.

jisung watched from his table, tears welling up in his eyes. i'm so...alone. i have no one. no parents. no siblings. no friends. the teachers don't even like me. i don't blame them, i hate me too. jisung let himself get too lost in his thoughts, not even noticing the seven pairs of eyes on him.

so do i stay here and cry or go to the bathroom and risk getting beat up if he finds me? he wondered.

"i wonder what has him so...out of it." felix wondered out loud. everyone nodded their heads in agreement except for minho.

"yah! what are you staring at? you're so pathetic." minho scoffed as he turned to better face the boy.

jisung jumped, as he was shocked. how long was i staring at them?

"what? nothing to say again? god you're so worthless."

"minho what the hell!?" hyunjin shouted as he stood up. "hey, are you okay new kid?"

"mhm i'm fine." jisung said hurriedly as he ran off to the bathroom.

something about the sight of the teary-eyed boy running away from him made minhos heart clench, but he'd never admit it.

as soon as jisung got to the bathroom, he was pinned up against the wall. "well well, lookie here." jungkook taunted as he squeezed the boys wrist.

"ah!" jisung let out a pained scream as he swears he could feel his cuts re-opening. jungkook started punching him in the face, punch after punch, it felt like it'd never end.

he kicked jisung in the shin, sending him to the ground. he kicks firmly into the poor boy's stomach. he picks up the poor boys head and shoves it into the wall and leaves.

jisung gets up and washes his face. once he cleans all the blood off, he walks to class. he's the first one there, so the teacher looks at him weirdly, but decides to dismiss it. jisung puts his headphones in and lays his head on his desk.

mom, i miss you more than ever. i see why you left. i understand why you couldn't take the pain from this cruel world. but what was the real reason? dad won't let me read your letter you left for me. i cant find it either. please mom, i need answers.

when jisung got home from school, his dad wasn't home. the boy hoped he had a meeting or something and wouldn't be home til later. he rushed up to his room, quickly taking a shower. he connected his phone to the speaker, making sure to keep it low just in case. when he finished he sat on the bathroom floor, his back pressed up against the wall. he just sat there, spacing out. his mind went blank, he felt...at peace.

shortly after he stood up and looked into the mirror. stupid. ugly. worthless. useless. pathetic. faggot. slut. bitch. asshole.

words and insults flew around his head. he tried to walk away, but he felt..stuck. the poor boy started sobbing as he stood in front of the mirror. his music was still playing quietly through his speaker, playing his sad playlist.

"if you look in the mirror and don't like what you see, you can find out first hand what it's like to be me."

my chemical romance was just hitting different right now. he grabbed his blade and began cutting. as he carved his skin, all he kept saying was "i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry..."

once he cleaned up, he sat in bed for the rest of the day. soon it was night time, but his dad still wasn't home. he opened his window and sat on the roof, looking up at the moon.

"hi mom. i miss you. schools not going too well. dad misses you too. a lot, actually. how are you mom? are you happy? i hope you are. we're suffering a lot, but it's okay. it's worth it, because you're happy. as long as you're happy, i'll be okay. should i join you? would i be happy too?" he whispered to himself, his eyes glistening with the stars.

"i wanna be happy too."