The Alien Review Shop

I'd Rather You Kill Me

Title of the book: I'd Rather You Kill Me

Chapters Read: 10

Genre: Adventure/ Humour

Author: queenieexxx

Reviewer: TheAlien09

1. Title: 10/10

The title is unique. Very much so. It fits well with the plot. What else could you ask for in a title? It drew me in instantly, grabbing my interest, and holding it.

2. Cover: 8/10

I am sure you can get a better cover. I am not saying your current cover doesn't work, but it can be neater. The girl on the cover is blurred at places. And, it doesn't really capture the essence of the story. It doesn't tell the reader what he is in for. For all he knows, it could be a thriller or a story about a translucent girl roaming the streets at night. The point is- we don't know. The title is the only reference we have, and it hints at the thriller genre. There are a bunch of graphics shops that can do the work for you and make the cover better and more insightful.

3. Blurb/ Description: 8/10

The blurb was short and catchy. Also, the dialogue bit at the end told the reader it was going to have its fair share of humor. When I reread the blurb after reading the first ten chapters, I was left confused. Monica is portrayed as thirteen years old in all the chapters I read while the blurb clearly states that she is sixteen. And in the prologue, you say it is 'three years before the present date', meaning- in the present, Monica is sixteen, while we are following her as a thirteen-year-old. Alright, now, stay with me, please. So, this further means- she was thirteen when a billionaire (Jack Walker) waltzed into her life and brought all other conflicts in her life. Not sixteen. I had to reread the first few chapters to clear the confusion. Correct the description or correct me if I am wrong.

4. Grammar/ Spellings/ Punctuations: 17/20

The grammar and spellings were on point. No complaints here. Light editing always helps, though.

5. Writing Style: 7/10

This is one element you need to improve on. Now, for the younger internet audience that is heavily invested in teen-fiction, it wouldn't matter too much- because your writing only has minimal technical errors. But here are a few tips anyway:

1. Whenever a new speaker has dialogue, switch paragraphs. This is very important as it increases both the fluidity and clarity of the text. This wasn't something that I encountered too much in the first few chapters, so it wasn't off-putting, but an area to spend a little time on if you can spare some.

2. Usage of brackets is generally done to convey things that are otherwise inconvenient to do separately or have more impact/meaning this way. In the first chapter (and from the latter few too similar examples can be quoted where) you wrote: I sighed. (Yes, again. Deal with it).

Now, I am not saying this isn't good; it just can be made better with something like this: I sighed. I had learned it was something I tended to do a lot. It was also something my peers were inclined to do.

You get my point?

6. Organisation and development/ Pace/ Cliff hangers/ Character Development: 8/10

The pace was just fine- I really liked the short chapters.

The organization was well done, and the story progressed smoothly.

The cliff-hangers were didn't feel as if they were too many or too little- they were just right. The slight tease at the end keeps the reader interested and oh, boy, I was interested.

One problem: The character is thirteen years old and so are her friends. Yet I don't get to know that till almost the third or fourth chapter. In my mind, Monica is a sixteen-year-old High-school all throughout. So, when I discovered the words "thirteen", I might as well have had a whiplash. She is organizing an event welcoming a billionaire to the school, she is a world-famous yet 'anonymous' singer, speaks like an adult, and has thoughts indistinguishable from that of one. Maybe you could explain to me (and to all readers in the story) how she developed this level of maturity/ fame. Maybe mention in the first chapter that she is thirteen? (There would be less sprained necks, I am sure).

Bottom line: I loved the moxie of the character. A lot. The development on the other hand left me a little curious.

Total: 58/70

The First Impression (on demand): The first impression isn't the last impression, but it indeed needs to be a lasting first impression. With that in mind, let us see what all counts as a first impression and what impression I had as a neutral reader.

1. Cover: A possible mystery/thriller/adventure of a woman/ girl

2. Title: Intriguing and well-thought-out. Unique. Oh, I have never seen a title like this. Looks like a mystery or a dark comedy. Could be something else too.

3. Story Description: Huh, involves a billionaire and a teenager. Catchy, sure. A billionaire romance and thriller? Yeah, that sounds more like it.

4. Prologue: A mystery. A deal with a billionaire? Cool, cool. Ok, so the mother is involved with the billionaire somehow. And there is palpable conflict. Noice. The cliff-hanger has me hanging by the cliff- that's a good sign.

5. First chapter: Wait. A lot is happening right now. Too many characters introduced at the same time. No, problem- it isn't that difficult; I can keep up. The Billionaire is introduced. Alright, he is older- no billionaire romance, then. She is in a band? Ok... Now, what? Shopping?

I hope this doesn't come off as rude in any way. Honestly, I have been critiqued so badly, I would be on the verge of tears. Then, the hurt goes away, and I see the improvement I have made.

Suggestions:

I think you can keep yourself from outrightly telling the reader that Monica is a member of the band. Instead, show her nervousness. A few lines to keep us guessing. Then, at the end of the chapter, you can write something where Katy requests her one final time, and then Monica gives in. Then Katy asks her and the band to rehearse and prepare before Saturday. Then Monica nods at Katy and thinks: I didn't say it out loud, but I knew we didn't need a rehearsal. After all, it was our song.

Don't state things directly. Now, where is the fun in that? Instead, use the power of your authorial voice- mold sentences in such a way that information doesn't look artificial and goes smoothly with the flow of the chapter.

That's all.

Please tell me if you found anything helpful. I only have one aim in mind and that is to see my fellow aspiring writers improve. You have great potential. The plot is especially intriguing, and your personality makes the writing better. Wishing you luck in all your future writing endeavors.