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The Chronicles of Soraya Thenayu

Title: The Chronicles of Soraya Thenayu

By christinasilva9

Reviewed by RowanCarver

Cover

The author made all of her artwork herself. I love the artwork, Soraya has an adorable character design. It's really cute, looks like the sort of cartoon I would enjoy watching. I really like her long red hair particularly. The author is clearly talented and artistic.

Blurb/Hook/Premise

Solid blurb. "With her father's memory failing and her mother gone, Soraya Thenayu is enrolled in Darkwood Academy and has to adapt to her new surroundings." I like this premise, a typical "girl has to get used to a new school" trope. What makes it fascinating though is that unlike Hogwarts magic is illegal and Soraya happens to have it. Nice hook there, "how will Soraya manage social settings?" is a little weird. "Social pressures" might be better. And then "she's illegally in possession of magic" is that part that really drew me into your premise.

Conflict

Soraya v loss

Soraya v self

Soraya v Mavic

Soraya v social pressures

Character Analysis

Soraya is a fun and likable character who deals with a heavy amount of loss with lots of maturities. I really like her spirit. She is passionate and loves to read and learn. She has a good relationship with her father and works hard to please him. She's diligent and strives to be the best at whatever she does. She's also a sweetheart and I felt myself wanting to protect her from the dark and nasty things of this world.

Opening Chapter

Seventeen minutes is too long for an opening chapter on this platform.

However, WOW did that escalate like crazy.

We begin with Soraya having a peaceful day outside with her mother while her father studies magic in the mountains. Soraya is introduced as a sweet young girl who is really intelligent, talented, and curious about the world around her. Her mother is very pregnant with Soraya's sibling. All of a sudden her mother dies in childbirth. She appears to Soraya as a terrifying specter and blames her for killing her since she didn't run to the village and get help in time (no thanks to a useless stranger), then melts away in a terrifyingly descriptive paragraph.

Now that's quite a twist. I'm intrigued. That was insanely dark too.

Soraya wakes up and we learn that it was a dream, but it still happened. She blames herself for her mother's death. This serves as an excellent "ghost from the past" and I believe it will influence her development nicely down the line.

It ends with a scene between Soraya and her ailing father, who works too much instead of caring for his own health. He is kind to her and a good teacher and promises to show her magic in the next issue.

Although this opening is long, I thought it was well done. It is definitely interesting and the plot takes off right away. The scene with her mother was especially gripping and finding out that it was a dream was quite a twist. You did a good job providing characterization for Soraya (I like that she's determined to learn so much, I like that she educated herself and read so many books). Some telling sections here and there that could be edited out, but an otherwise solid beginning.

Plot

The plot is well-paced (the chapters are just too long). The content is good, however. Watching Soraya navigate difficult times while maintaining her good character is a sign of good writing. The reader really feels for her as she watches her father lose his memory while she tries to overcome the loss of her mother. She keeps her head high and stays positive, focusing on magic in the meantime, but does not deny what's going on (so there's no disillusionment or toxic positivity going on). She definitely drives the story and the strength of her character is the best part about it.

Theme

Perseverance, loss, sadness, strength.

Worldbuilding/Setting

Really nice descriptions in this story. This world feels peaceful and has lots of autumn-like natural beauty. Magic systems are traditional, but I like how there are evil Mages from neighboring kingdoms who cause conflict with one another (and innocents as seen in Soraya's family). The author took the time to make a little glossary, design a little language, and even create their own plants specific to this world. Hard world-building, nice job.

I was a little disappointed to see the overused Avatar "air, water, fire and earth" magic system again. Some variation and creativity would be nice to see here...if you change any of your mechanics, this is the one I would consider redoing, just because it's been overdone (and no one did it quite like Aang).

Summary

I have two suggestions; make your chapters shorter (split them up) and take out the "telling" sections. Otherwise, this is an incredibly moving, gripping, and enjoyable read. I really liked Soraya a lot, I think you have a good story to tell here and your world-building is top-notch (other than the typical elements magic system thing). Your imagery is good and your plot is easy to keep up with. Your macro elements are definitely solid and that's the hardest thing to get right. Some grammatical errors and run-on sentences and filter words but those are all easy fixes with some line edits.

I love your artwork. I love that you did it yourself. You are clearly talented on many levels. I'd love to see Soraya's story animated one day.

See you, Space Cowboy...