The Alien Review Shop

Black Lace

Title of the book: Black Lace

Chapters Read: 11

Genre: Adult Romance and Fantasy

Author: bobrossofwriting

Reviewer: thealien09

1. Title: 9/10

The title is short and clear. I know what I am getting myself into just by reading it. It isn't an overused one so that makes it better.

2. Cover: 9/10

The cover is stylistically pleasing. The tone of the picture hints at you know... its "adultness". It helps bring the right readers in. I can't complain about that. I am sure I would have checked it out if I would have come across it.

3. Blurb/ Description: 8/10

I liked it. It gives the right amount of information. Having read the story, I can say it is insightful yet doesn't give too much away. It piqued my interest. There is not much to say here except that you don't need to do worry about it- you are giving the readers your best.

4. Grammar/ Spellings/ Punctuations: 17/20

I always appreciate writers sticking to one tense and maintaining POVs. By maintaining POV I mean not getting out of the character's shoes. Even when Romina would think about other characters, she gave the reader what she got or assumed. So, that was something I liked.

Now the spellings and punctuations could take some light editing. The spelling errors were typos and I didn't mind them much, but colons, semicolons, and hyphen were incorrectly used at times. The story is fluid in its transitions, thus compensating for small errors.

You can find a webpage attached to this chapter that might help with colons, semicolons, and dashes/hyphens. I tend to make similar mistakes while writing and it is always helpful to look up blogs. Whenever you get time to edit your book, read this blog or something similar before doing so. Even if it doesn't directly help your writing, it is always good to learn, right?

Bottom line: Light line-editing will make your story even more appealing.

5. Writing Style: 7/10

I could see what you were doing- prose and detailed descriptions. Not only see it, I appreciated it. The thing that stood out for me was the efficient usage of figures of speech- beautiful metaphors and simile. They are embedded in the very way you let the story progress. That was commendable.

Now with the thing I wanted to address:- I could see you attempt at prose. Sometimes, it really got to the reader. Many times, though, it didn't. It became, like many authors say, flowery prose. It looked fancy. To a level that its effectiveness didn't quite reach me. In simple terms, some part of it is redundant.

This is true of everything: too much of anything gets... well, too much. I actually really liked your writing style, so, I want it to be even better.

Here are my suggestions:

1. Cut down on the double adjectives and adverbs. Heavily. I too suffer from this condition I like to call Adjective Infatuation. Many, many writers do (unintentionally too). Now, sometimes double (or even more) adjectives are necessary in the same sentence- for impact and connection. Other times they are completely unnecessary.

For example: "I had perused and explored every nook and cranny of Father's estates".

You don't need both 'perused' and 'explored'. One is enough to get the message across. I found this happening many times in your book. While editing, you might want to take extra care of this.

2. Some sentences look better simple. Take this advice with a grain of salt because this is also the author's choice- not just some reviewer's. What I would recommend would be not using figures of speech in consecutive paras. After one para, switch to slightly simple sentences.

3. In the first three chapters itself, Romina's breasts have been described as 'soft' a multitude of times. A wild guess on my part will be five or more times. So, instead of using the same adjective five times, switch it up- tell us more. Or don't mention the quality at all. Similarly, Aziel (great name, btw) has coal eyes and sharp features. We know. Describe something else unique about his features, maybe? (Not all the time, though. Repetition is needed at times- it is absolutely necessary at many. These are the characteristic features of Aziel so they HAVE to be mentioned on more than one occasion. But, remove the description when it isn't needed).

6. Organisation and development/ Pace/ Cliff hangers/ Character Development: 9/10

I liked the cliff-hangers and development. No, I loved them. Very well put together. I can literally see Romina's growth from one chapter to the other. And the cliff-hangers were on point. The endings of the prologue, the first, fourth, and seventh chapters were my favorites.

One issue with the setting: We don't know what time the story is set in. It was very confusing honestly. Romina's father uses a cell phone, but they live in a castle with no heating system and the novelty still exists? Corsets are still in fashion? Patriarchy?

You should explain the place setting somewhere. Just a little information should help.

Total: 59/70

**You write using a style that isn't easy to master. And trying something that is different/difficult always comes with a price. That is one reason I could find a few things for you to improve on. Had you written as most web-writers do, you would have fairly excelled. I would say you keep writing like this. A price is only paid for a reward, after all. Your elegant writing makes the plot so much more interesting. Even though it was mature, it wasn't explicit. It was better this way. Keep up the good work.

I hope this doesn't come off as rude in any way. Honestly, I have been critiqued before and I always find honest reviews the most helpful. High praise doesn't do anybody any good. And there is always scope for improvement.

That's all.

Please tell me if you found anything helpful. I only have one aim in mind and that is to see my fellow writers improve. I hope I helped. Wishing you luck in all your future works.    

Yours extraterrestrial-ly,

The Alien Writer