The Alien Review Shop

The Moment We Met

Book name: The Moment We Met 

 Genre: Teen fiction 

Author: IvashkovLightwood 

Chapters: 21 (Ongoing) 

Reviewed by: NefertitiFenison 

 You have requested a score. Each criterion below (not including blurb, title, and cover) carry 20 marks for the highest possible score of 120 marks. 

You also requested that I commented on the grammar. As a whole, there is no obvious error that should be fixed, but make sure to check that you don't confuse "they're" with "their". 

 You asked me to tell you how to make your story different from other teen literature, but I think your story is already unique! Yes, teenagers falling in love is nothing new BUT you making both of them musicians in a school band adds a layer of depth to their characterization. 

I also admire that you have fleshed out your side characters too—it is refreshing to read a book where the protagonists' families are presented as characters in their own rights instead of just existing for the sake of realism. I love Deon's siblings, they are extremely hilarious (especially the twins). 

My first impression upon reading the blurb was that your book sounds promising, especially with your aesthetically pleasing cover and your beautiful trailer and graphics. Right off the bat, you tell readers what to expect. So, we've got a saxophone player whose family died in an accident and was dumped by her boyfriend, thus her reason for being careful about any guy who approaches her. Then, we're introduced to a guitarist with equally sad dating history. I applaud you for having a blurb that clearly summarizes the central themes of the book.

As for your title, it is sweet and short, very memorable. However, since the story goes beyond just their initial meeting, maybe you should consider changing it to something that reflects the book as a whole—may be something that hints at either Deon's effort to convince his dad that Presley is a wonderful person or at Presley's journey of trusting boys and opening her heart once again. 

 I also want to take the time to thank you for having two alternating POVs. You have given Deon and Presley distinctive voices and it is fun to be in their heads. When I read from Deon's perspective, I can feel how genuine he is about his crush on the cute girl and when I read from Presley's perspective I can feel her anxiety about liking the hot neighbor as well as her sadness about the tragedy that took her parents and sister. 

 Narrative hook: 18

 There is something endearing about a heartbroken girl meeting a recovering playboy because readers instantly wonder if the girl will ever get over her broken heart and if the boy will repeat his mistake. It might be an overdone trope, yes, but you have managed to handle it well by adding enough drama to spice things up. The addition of Jessica raises the stake because now there is an element of rivalry. It is also good that you have Maddy and Tyler being featured in almost every chapter because they bring much-needed comedy and serve as commentators in this romantic story. Your book wouldn't be the same without Maddy's sexual innuendos and energy. 

My main suggestion on this part is to work on incorporating more details regarding Deon's past relationship with Genevieve. You mentioned that she is a gold-digger, so elaborate on that. Additionally, you can develop Daniel a little more. I feel that he doesn't get as much attention as Kay, Jay, and Briana but his subplot about being gay carries so much potential.

Plot progression: 20 

The pacing and flow of your book make it a comfortable read. I don't feel that the romance is rushed because you have taken the time to ensure Deon and Presley go through moments of awkward interactions, a stage of denial about their feelings, misunderstandings, and general shyness. I really like the chapter about Deon's birthday and the chapter with Presley running into Kay at the pharmacy, but if I have to pick a favorite chapter I would say I tremendously enjoyed the chapter with them watching Five Feet Apart. 

 Protagonist's goal: 19

 From what I've gathered so far, it is clear that the goal for both the male lead and the female lead is to get together and be happy. However, you have added an extra goal, which is to prepare for an audition so that they can get selected for Winter Musical. You should work to balance the two so that no one storyline outweighs the other—I would like to see more of how they compose songs. You can follow up on the events that ensue after Jessica tore the music sheet Deon created. I want to see if she gets into trouble for that or if Deon ever confronts her for being very mean. It would also be nice to see how other pairs are doing in the partnerships. For example, Maddy plays clarinet, right? I really want to see a scene of her playing with her partner. 

 Conflict: 17 

Since your book is not completed yet, this section of my review will not go too in-depth. What I can say for now is that you have room to grow and improve. You already touched on the issue of Deon's dad comparing Presley to his ex-girlfriend, but you can definitely make it more dramatic. Maybe add more dialogues and tension in the scene with the family dinner? You can use that particular scene to further show how the dad has not really forgotten the damage Genevieve did.

The premise of the story: 20 

No complaint here. Your story is easy to follow and it is entertaining. Descriptions: 20 You have described your settings well. From the very first chapter, you have established that everything takes place in Detroit and then you briefly mentioned that Presley has relatives from Michigan—that bit of information is crucial in immersing your readers into your characters' world. The high school cafeteria is also described nicely. I am so jealous of the students in your story who can get various types of chocolates and ice cream! Also, don't get me started on Deon's family's house—I want to live somewhere with a gorgeous backyard! 

 Total score: 114 out of 120 (that's a solid A+, be proud of yourself because you deserve it). 

Your book is incredible. I have checked your profiles and see that you have won many awards and I can totally see why—you're a superb writer and your prose is captivating. Keep on writing and polishing your book. If you have questions about my advice, shoot me a message. 

 P.S.: Bree is so spunky, would you consider writing a spin-off about her? I would be interested in reading a story where she's grown up and heading off to middle school (and everyone else can be in college).