The Alien Review Shop

Disintegration

Book name: Disintegration 

Genre: Teen fiction 

Author: gregcee

Chapters: 31 (I read the first 6 chapters) 

 Reviewed by: NefertitiFenison

 Let me put a disclaimer: Your book is stellar and there is little to nothing for me to seriously criticize, so this will be more of a book analysis than a review. I hope you can still benefit from my feedback, though. 

My first impression upon reading the blurb was that Lucy seems to be dealing with a lot. Her mom passed away from cancer, her absent dad comes back, and she has trouble being social at school. It certainly is a touching premise. 

However, I think your blurb is a bit long and can be made more concise. 

Your cover is beautiful, although I believe readers would be more inclined to read your book if you put something like a young girl being sad and nostalgic or a picture of a mom and a daughter. 

I have to applaud you for choosing a very appropriate title. It matches what Lucy is feeling and it does have a nice ring to it. Your idea of tying each chapter of your story to a specific song is a great idea as it immersed readers into the emotions your main character goes through. Every chapter has a short, one-word title and that gives your book a poetic vibe. I like how you start with a chapter called "Lost" and end on a chapter called "Heaven" because it foreshadows Lucy's journey and readers can tell how the story will progress. It is like what Lucy said at the very start: "This is a journal of my holy trinity—what was, what is, and what will be. Not necessarily in that order." 

Narrative hook: At first I had no expectation whatsoever about this book apart from what the blurb had prepared me for—the death of the mom, the return of the dad, some supernatural events, and a friendship that blossoms into romance. As I kept on reading, however, I was amazed at the depth of Lucy's thoughts and inner turmoil, her ability to reflect on what happened to her, and how her journal entries transform into more than just a diary—they are an extension of her reality as she is "now walking in quicksand." Sure, Lucy can be a bit dramatic at times, but that is realistic because she is sixteen and her world just crashes down. What hooked me was Lucy's self-awareness, her love of music and dance, as well as how introspective she is. She has a strong voice and is a reliable narrator. 

Plot progression: When the book begins, Lucy seems like an average whiny teenager but then you give readers a reason to sympathize with her—she is grieving and she is uncertain of what to do about Matt. As the story unfolds, it is such a breath of fresh air to see she slowly accepts Matt as they share something in common—loss and heartbreak. 

Protagonist's goal: This is not an action-driven story and is more of a stream-of-consciousness type of book, so I suppose Lucy's goal is to keep herself sane after losing her mom. Her journal entries are filled with deep thoughts that are surprisingly not shallow for someone her age.

Conflict: From what I have gathered, it seems the main conflict of your book is Lucy trying to come to terms with having her dad (or, "sperm donor"), Matt, suddenly re-appear in her life after believing for sixteen years that she was the child of a loveless one-night stand. It is an interesting conflict—I could only imagine what kind of shock Lucy must be under. Then you go and make the conflict even tenser by adding how Lucy is jealous of the connection her mom has with Matt and how she thinks that her mom has been lying to her—I can sense all the hurt and pain.

The premise of the story: If I have to sum up your story in just a sentence, I would say that this is the story of a girl who craves a sense of normalcy after her world goes upside down.

Descriptions: The way you describe how distraught Lucy is after her mom's passing really moves me to tears. That one remark in the chapter "Undone" about how her life has become a soap opera is powerful. From there, you keep the descriptions going with a plethora of similes, metaphors, personifications, and analogies. My favorite description of yours is when Lucy describes her life as "many pieces of string" that "tie into knots" as her life implodes into "a smorgasbord of dark emotions." You have a wide range of vocabulary and you have used it to your advantage. I'm impressed! 

Final comments: You have managed to write a story with so much depth. It goes beyond just portraying the surface layer of grief and masterfully depicts what anguish and sorrow can do to a young girl. Best of luck to you in your next writing endeavor!