The Alien Review Shop

Starcrossed

Title of the Book: Starcrossed 

Chapters: 5 (I read them all)

Genre: Fantasy 

Author: cutecookie1_

 Reviewed by: NefertitiFenison

Each criterion below carry 20 marks for the highest possible score of 120 marks. 

My first impression upon reading the blurb was "Oh, there is a broom maker. That's unique. Wait, humans are outlawed? But why? Oh man, this broom maker is hiding a human? But why? So many questions!" 

 I applaud the writer for having a blurb that immediately presents readers with things to get interested in. It summarizes enough of the story without spoiling too much. Also, this is not scored but I just want to mention I like the black and white cover—it looks clean and simple. The banners/pictures you have on top of each chapter are helpful in building the atmosphere. I also want to appreciate that you have two POVs. It is not an easy feat to achieve but you manage to make both POVs highly engaging and the voices of your characters shine through. I can understand their personalities, their priorities, and what happens in their lives. 

Narrative hook: 19/20

 The hook here is very clear—there is a witch named Syrma who goes against the grain by protecting someone she should not. The only reason I take off one point is that I feel I already know where the story is going. Maybe remove the last line of your blurb where you mention the outcome of the witch's interaction with Annabelle the human? It's your choice though, and please take my opinion with a grain of salt, but that line makes it easy for readers to predict where your story is going and I'm afraid once readers figure that out they lose a reason to check out your writing. 

 Plot progression: 18/20 

I like that you build up tension right from the very first chapter with Anabelle having strangers at her door. I just wish you elaborate more on that—the chapter ends abruptly. You can add dialogues, for example, one of the guards could talk with the other guard to give commands or to comment on Anabelle—I believe the scene would be more realistic and "alive" that way. You did well on depicting the actions already, it's simply my preference to see some conversations between characters in supporting role—I believe side characters need to be fleshed out too. 

 The second chapter is my favorite. I love how you show Syrma's empathetic nature. It also serves well as the beginning of the journey. The third chapter I think is the best in terms of how the plot progresses because you've raised the stake and there is a sense of danger. The fourth chapter is solid too and I admire the realism of how the characters are anxious and on edge. If you want, you can add more details on the witch's plan—nothing too revealing, just enough to let readers know that the witch has things under control. You already show the readers all the preparation she does for the grand escape, but it couldn't hurt to expand on this part.

The fifth chapter needs some work. It has the most action but the scene between the witch and the mysterious girl feels rushed. To make it better, add more explanation on the witch's magical power—how exactly did she master fire? A brief background story would be nice here, think something along the line of a short flashback. 

 Protagonist's goal: 20/20

You did amazing on this front! It is apparent from the start that the heroine (Syrma) is on a mission to keep Anabelle safe and your writing style conveys Syrma's determination and resourcefulness. 

 Conflict: 20/20 You have successfully illustrated through your word choice how dangerous it is for a witch to hide humans from the guards and other magic users. 

Premise of the story: 19/20 There is no confusion about the themes of your story. I feel that any reader could easily follow along and get immersed in the adventure of the witch and the human. 

Descriptions: 20/20

You knock it out of the park! I notice you describe not only things we can see (i.e. the witch's house, the shop, the vines that grow during the confrontation with the mysterious girl) but also things we can smell (the healing potions and exotic ingredients). This focus on not only visuals but scents makes your story very enjoyable. 

 Total score: 116 out of 120 

(I give you an A+) Keep on improving and do not give up! You have potential. If you need more clarifications or have things you want to ask, shoot me a message. 

Thanks for requesting feedback from me.