The Alien Review Shop

Battles Beyond

Title: Battles Beyond

By dankmemesttcaricom

Reviewer: RowanCarver

For this review, I read the first fifteen chapters. If you would like to request a long term review, please let me know, and I can make changes here that go through the plot as a whole.

Cover

The cover is a lot to look at, to me, the font is a little jarring and unprofessional, also it rides too close to the edges of the shot. The spaceship looks like clipart and so does the fire element and the planet, and the font is a little overbearing. I feel like changing the font would benefit it a lot, and add some shading to help the clip art elements blend together a little better. Also, the author's name is difficult to see.

Blurb

The blurb introduces us to Galaxia Bosfos, where I am assuming this story takes place. It is described as a beautiful place that is riddled with conflict.

The author presents the conflict next, a little history about our antagonists, the Battlemongers, and what they do. The protagonists are not mentioned, nor is our main character(s), and no history or context behind Galaxia Bosfos is given either. I would recommend taking a look at that and adding some more information because when I started reading, I was surprised that the story wasn't centered on Battlemongers at all and that I was supposed to root for a completely different protagonist and a completely new force (the Defence Force)

Hook

I couldn't find it...sorry.

Maybe it's "to succeed...would place you among Battlemongering legend." But then I started reading and found out that the Battle Mongers were antagonists, so I'm not sure why I would want the hook to ask me to root for the Battlemongers.

Conflict

Battlemongers v Galaxia Bosfos

Battlemongers v Defence Force

Character Analysis

There is no one main character, instead, the story centers around a crew. However, Durin, a member of the Defense force, and his side-kick Teinova dominate the camera for most of the story. These characters are sassy and their banter is fun to read. There are other side characters too like Zazavin, and as the story continues, more and more are added to the cast. Kudos for handling such a wide variety of characters without forgetting some of them, however, the inclusion of lots of characters at once at the beginning with no backstory or explanation on who they are (or what they are, since they seem to be some kind of alien species), is very dizzying to read.

Plot

Battlemongers, a group of space pirates I assume, is a powerful force of criminals who move from planet to planet leaving behind devastation and destruction. They destroy other ships in space as well, and they use something called Battle Potential, a cosmic force of energy, to fuel their ability to wreak havoc. They wish to stake their claim on the galaxy, and they will stop at nothing to obtain it.

A group of independent space travelers called the Defence Force protects the remaining planets from the Battlemongers and travels from spot to spot to fight them back. Your premise and plot are interesting and creative, and it works well for the science fiction genre.

Theme

Survival, battle, perseverance, righteousness against corruption

Worldbuilding/Setting

The worldbuilding is creative. However, it lacks grounding. I would have liked to see more information about the history of this galaxy, what systems it contains, where it is, what time all this takes place. I would highly recommend adding some more hard worldbuilding elements. It's hard to figure out what planets the Defense Force is traveling to and why they are there. There is a village that they save in a really exciting mini-sequence, but I didn't know why the village was in trouble, or who the residents in the village were, or even what planet they were on.

I think that for a draft, this is a good piece. But providing some more explanation for your setting, world-building, and premise in your second draft, as well as some pretty serious hard world-building elements, would benefit your story a lot.

Summary

This was a confusing read for me, I had a really hard time understanding the plot since the very little context was given. I left with many questions such as "who are the main characters? Who is the main character? Where are they from? Are they aliens? What aliens are they? What is the history of their race? Where does this take place? What planet does this happen on? Who are they fighting? Why are they fighting? Who are they protecting and why? What year does this take place? How did they get there? What galaxy is this and what is its history?"

While I understand that the author is trying to maintain an element of mystery throughout, something in this speculative fiction genre like Battles suffers a bit with lack of exposition. Abstract concepts require a little more explanation. I would highly recommend writing a prologue so that readers don't get confused and turn away. While soft world-building is great for some stories, I left this one craving hard world-building elements. I needed context, clarity, history, and exposition, and I had a really hard time following the plot without knowing the premise.

Maybe this isn't a writing style I connected with, maybe the story is fine, I just personally had a really hard time figuring out what was going on.

To summarize in one sentence: It's a good read. Just needs more context.

See you, Space Cowboy...