Loving That Lecturer Of Mine

Part 17: Suffering

// A little trivia before you read this part. I'm the type of writer who doesn't have the guts to write the ending. I hate endings. For all the stories I've written (not in Wattpad), so this might be the first time I'm going to write a proper ending. I have a draft how to end this story, but who knows?

Also, thank you for adding this to your reading list, for following me, leaving some comments and voting. I appreciate all of you. Like what I've said at the start, writing is my outlet and I'm thankful to you guys supporting me ♥️

It's not the end yet but we're near.
I know you skipped the note part so here ya go 😂

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Mew's POV.

Its been few months since Gulf left and I don't have any news from him. His parents - rather, our parents had no clue where he went. Mild and Bright doesn't know a thing too. He didn't attend his graduation. Not even his shadow can be seen. He just vanished.

I gave him his space but after a month, I can no longer take it, I tried to search for him but you cannot find the person who doesn't want to be found, right? After months of me searching for him, I gave up. He will come back, eventually he will.

I never thought he is my brother. No one did. The love of my life is my brother, isn't that just too cruel?

When he left me that day, I made sure he brought my heart and soul with him. He was my life, my support and he still is.

Every single day feels like hell. I'm dead inside. I no longer live, I just exist. I should have died, but life's punishing me. What did I even do? I also processed my resignation from being a Lecturer but they won't let me. I don't want to teach now. They gave me infinite leave, until I can stand again but I don't know if I still could.

Liquor is my new best friend. I don't do modelling jobs now. I don't help the company either. I stayed at Gulf's place most of the time, crying, drowning in liquor but no amount of liquor can help me forget, forget about the pain and forget my feelings.
 

Sometimes I even question myself, why does it have to be me? Why does it have to be us? Life's too cruel, too unfair.

Mild, Boat, Bright, Kaownah and Run would take turns to visit me. To make sure I eat, to make sure if I'm still breathing and I sometimes wish I don't.

I'm an empty shell. I shut myself off from my family - the Jongcheveevats and from my biological parents, the Traipipattanapongs. I know it's not right for me to stay like this, Gulf wouldn't even like if I'm being like this.
 

Aside from mine and Gulf's friends, no one dares to come and talk to me. Afraid I'll be violent again. I hurt my grandfather, I hurt my biological mother and I don't give a damn.

"Mew, don't you think it's about time you get your sh*t together? He's been missing for how many months now." A rare day that they all gathered here. Is it a reunion or a funeral? My funeral maybe?

I just looked at Run, lifeless. There just some things that you don't understand. How are you going to let them know how you feel, if you don't understand it in the first place?

"P'Mew... Even if Gulf's here, It won't change a thing. It won't change the fact that you're siblings and you can't be together. It won't change the fact that you guys should split, not because you want to but because you have to"

I turned my gaze to Bright who speaks. What the fvck do they know? They don't know how I feel. I know I'm hopeless but I will fight. I threw everything at him. How dare they? They don't know how it fvcking hurts. No one understands me, no one cares for how I feel, no one feels what I feel.

I don't care anymore. I cried again while lashing out to them, until the little strength I have is drained and my vision suddenly went black.

 

"It's been few weeks and he is still sleeping" I'm sleeping? Ah, that's why I feel so light. I can hear their conversations, their silence. No, I don't want to open my eyes.

 

"Doc, how is he? Why he didn't wake up yet?" Another day have passed and I can still hear their voices but not the voice of the person I'm longing for. My parents talking to me. I've got countless nightmares and dreams but I don't care as long as Gulf's in it.

"He is completely fine as per the doctor. Maybe It's not that he can't wake up but maybe he doesn't want to." Finally, someone understands me.

"This is your fault"
"You could've told him earlier"
"You're still evil"
"Why do you have to drag my son onto this?"
"My child's suffering because of you! They're both suffering"
"You could've let your ego down"
"I'm doing what I think is right"
"So do you think, him laying there is right?"
"You're so selfish"

They're fighting again, Grandpa's fighting them again. I don't understand them.

Gulf baby, come back. I need you. I think I can finally rest once I hear your voice. Let me just bid my goodbye and we'll both gonna be free of this, of this pain, of this cruel world. Maybe if I hear your voice, I can finally let you go and maybe you'll also forgive me if I go right? I'll go to place where no one can reach, no one can hurt me, no more pains, no more regrets, no more suffering. I'm tired baby, I'm sorry. I'll hold on and wait for you until I can no longer do.

 

Third party's POV.

"He is sleeping for four months now. His health is deteriorating. We are doing the best that we could but he has to fight, he has to help" The doctor layed out possible means to wake Mew up. He has Life support and his body is getting thin.

"Don't give up now, Mew" Bright said. Sunday is always the day where all of them gathers to visit Mew.

Everyone knows what or who Mew needs but no one dares to do the right thing. Mew's grandfather forbid them. What are they waiting for? For Mew to give up?

"I think it's time for us to contact Gulf" It was kaownah, all eyes on him.

"Mew has been suffering enough. Gulf has the right to know what happened to him. Maybe not as his lover, but as his brother." The rest were just silent. Mew's grandfather opposed that idea long ago, and he is too powerful to disobey.

"We can't... I mean, no one knows where he is. How we can contact him? We don't know how" Run said, he knows how Mew changed for Gulf. How happy he is when he talks about Gulf, how his eyes sparkles, how he almost throw a party when Gulf accepted and agreed to be his boyfriend. How he feels when he proposed to Gulf, he even plan the wedding already. He will do everything for his best friend.

"...we don't?" Kaow said raising his eyebrow to Mild and Mild just lowered his head down. He tried almost a thousand times to tell Gulf how Mew has been but he is suffering too, they both are. He still vaguely remember how Gulf said that he will leave, that he don't want to hear about Mew until he's ready. He just contacts Mild from time to time to let him know he is still alive.

Kaow knows everything. He got the power and connections, all you need to do is ask him and he will act.

Maybe it's time for them to take matters on their hands and Issues of the adults. After all, They're all considered as adults already and they're concerned about Mew. Enough with their sh*ts.

"I... I can't contact Gulf, he haven't contacted me this month yet." Mild's sincere. He can only talk to Gulf when the other contacted him first.

"If we can't contact him, why don't we go and talk to him in person? Don't worry about Alexander, I'll handle him" It's Kaownah.

"No need to" Everyone looked at the newcomer.

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// okayyyyys~
I actually cried writing this. Hahaha. Its short though.

Love lots. ♥️