I hate you, I love you

Chapter 12

Valerie

I left the skate park almost running and got into my car.

I rested my head on the steering wheel as hit my head against it for a couple of times, then the tears started coming, I started sobbing.

What have I just done?

I have never cheated in my life.
And I loved Jim.
I betrayed him.
I am horrible. I am the worst.

I let myself loose for a second and look where it got me.
I should've never come here.

What I was going to do now?

I needed to come clean to Jim. That was the right thing to do.

When I got home, to an apartment that Jim and I shared here in Miami, all the lights were off, I entered our bedroom to find Jim snoring.

I took a look at him, and got into bed with him. I cuddle him And then I whispered with tears in my eyes
"I'm sorry"
I hold him, but he didn't notice. He was such a heavy sleeper.

The next day it was new year's and Jim wanted us to go to a club with his friends. He woke up early and left the apartment, he was so busy all day doing who knows what, he looked off, like nervous, he avoided me all day.

And that gave me the day to think what I was going to do.

It was only a kiss, it wasn't like I had sex or anything, it was just a kiss.

Maybe he'll forgive me

How would he react?

Or I could not tell him anything.

I could talk to Sebastian, tell him that it was a mistake and that I was moving forward with Jim. I could ask him to please stay quiet about it, But that's a shitty move.

My head was pounding, with pain, with thoughts, with tears.

Thoughts of Bass kissing me hoarded my head and I felt goosebumps all over my body. I bit my lip.

I got ready for New Year's party,I decided to wear a black strapless dress and high heels.
"Wow you look amazing" Jim said as I came out of the room. Jim was dressed with a nice suit and his forehead was sweating. He was always dressed so nicely, so clean. He looked so handsome and I couldn't help but to feel guilty, about how perfect he is and how a much of a traitor I was. I don't deserve him.

The club was packed. The music was so loud and it was so dark. We arrived to the table where Jim's friends were, friends that I've known before, friends that were respectful and nice. Not as his cousins.

I sat next to Andrea at our table, she was the wife of Jim's best friend, and we have become pretty close. Since I move here without knowing anyone she has been my only friend.

When I was living in Toronto I just had a job offer and came here alone. I thought it was a great opportunity for me.

Andrea and I ordered some drinks and went to the dance floor. I had such a great time with her. Jim didn't like to dance so every time we went out it was just me and her dancing.

As we were dancing and drinking, I let myself think for a second in Bass. I closed my eyes and imagined him holding me from the back as I was dancing, Touching my body, kissing my neck. And again I felt something between my thighs.

Stop it

I opened my eyes and saw him.

I blinked. Trying to see if it was all part of my imagination.

Nope

He was there.  Standing not too far from me. Looking at me. Eating me with his eyes. With his intensive gaze.

I felt as if my stomach was squeezing.

Breathless.

I couldn't stop looking at him.

How am I going to be able to tell him that I was moving on with Jim, as if nothing happened between us, as if this that I was feeling wasn't real.

Because this, what I was feeling, was something  that only he could do, making me feel like I was fifteen all over again.

He was still there, looking at me intensely.

Then he started to walk towards me. Slowly. Not loosing eye contact.

Andrea told me something but I couldn't pay attention to what she was saying. I was frozen.

Bass came closer to me with a smile on his face.

"Hey" he said into my ear, and my body shivered. The music was so loud.
"Hey" I told him and I blushed
"Can I tell you something?" He asked and I nodded
"There's no woman in this place that shine like you do"

Fuck, I think I just came.

I felt a knot in my throat, and tears coming.
I looked at him, he was looking me with the eyes of a fifteen years old.
"Did I say something wrong"  he said worried
"No, no, it's just too much Bass, this is too much, I'm sorry, I'm just so confused" I said "I'm sorry I need to go" .

I totally forgot that Andrea was there next to me. I practically ran to our table and Andrea came running behind me.
"Valerie!" Andrea shouted from behind, I stopped and then turned my face to her, my face full with tears.
"What's wrong? What was that? Who was that?" She asked with worried eyes, I couldn't tell her anything.
"Why are you crying Val?" She said while she gave me a hug. I kept sobbing.

Put your shit together.

I raised my head, wiped my tears and tell her "nothing, I think I'm just too drunk" I lied.

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