I hate you, I love you

Chapter 23

Valerie

There I was. Flying to Chicago to tell the love of my life that I just cheated on him with the other love of my life, that unfortunately, was his cousin.

"Miss can I offer you something to drink?" The flight attendant asked me.
"Do You have Xanax?" I asked hopeful.
The flight attendant shook his head, she smiled and then said "here have some tissues" she said while she gave me a little pack of tissues. She must've given them to me because I was pouring in tears.
"Thanks" I said while I wiped my nose with a tissue.

I didn't know what I was going to say to him. To Jim, to my perfect fiancé.
When the captain announced that we were landing I began to sweat and my stomach felt like it was exploding with diarrhea. I deserve this.

When I got off the plane, Jim was waiting for me with a bouquet of red flowers in his hands. I stood there watching him before I approached him.

Just to look at him, to see how perfect he was and how big of an evil bitch I was. To see his how happy he was before I go and tell him what I did.

I was about to crushed him. And I came all the way to Chicago to crushed him.

But it was such a shitty move to do it over the phone. I needed to talk this in person, face to face.

He started walking towards me. He hugged me so hard
"I missed you baby" he said
"I missed you too" I said.
"Come on let's go, I can't wait to show you our apartment" he said, and with that all of my insides started shaking, our apartment.
"Can we go eat first, I ... I am really hungry"
"Sure babe"

I stood quiet at the car. I needed to do this.

As we got seated on the Italian restaurant that Jim chose. I started with the worst phrase someone could say
"We need to talk"
And with that Jim's face went serious
"Babe what's going on, you are worrying me"
I knew I couldn't say this without crying, so instantly, the tears came running through my cheeks.
"Val, you are scaring me"
"Jim I ... I..."
How do I say this, hey Jim I slept with your cousin, hey Jim I love you but I also love your cousin, how was I supposed to say this.

I took a deep breath.

"Do you remember the story about your cousin Sebastian?" I started
"What story?" He asked clueless.
"The one that he went to a summer camp and a girl gave her a really bad nickname" I said.
"Yes, why is that important right now?" He said
I stood quiet for a second, trying for him to figure iiout by himself, but he didn't.
"I ... am that girl" I said embarrassed
"You?" He asked "You are the one who nicknamed my cousin Bass breath?"
"Yes" I assured
"Okey, so you knew him before, why didn't you tell me that?"
I tried to pass some saliva
"I didn't figure who he was at first, it was until later in the Christmas party that I recognized him"
"Ok so?? I still don't understand"
"Jim" I said with a look that said everything and finally he figured it out
"Oh my god, did you sleep with him?"
Tears kept running and I nodded, words couldn't come out of my mouth
"Did you sleep with him at camp? Or did you sleep with him while I was here?"
"I'm so sorry Jim, I wasn't thinking through, I mean I had all this feeling from years ago coming back to me, and he was so sad about his father, and one thing led to another, I'm so so so sorry"
"You slept with him on my uncle's funeral?"
Jim's face was filled with anger and disappointment
And then he asked something that I never thought he would asked me
"Was it a one time thing? Or do you have feelings for him?"
My face went pale. I felt I eas about to faint. How do I answer this.
"Jim" I said
"Answer me! Do you have feelings for him"
"Yes, I think I do" I said honestly, I couldn't lie to him anymore.
"I can't believe this" he said putting his hand on his face.
"Jim, I love you so much, and I know I screwed up, I know, I don't know what happened to me, I've never done this in my entire life, I was never in this position, where I could say that I'm in love with 2 people at the same time"
"Screw you" he said standing up from the table and leaving me there.

I deserve that.

After he was gone I left the restaurant, I had nowhere to go. The crying had stopped I think I had no more tears in my system. But the anger and the pain I was feeling towards myself were there, growing. I hated myself.

I started walking through the streets in Chicago, it was so cold that it reminded of my life in Toronto. And I decided it was time for me to call my mom. Even though I have a great relationship with her, I haven't told her anything about Bass,  she knew about my engagement and about Chicago. And I needed to tell her the truth

"Hey sweetie, how's Chicago?"
"Hi mom"
"What's wrong" she noticed the sound of my stuffy nose.
"Mom, I need to talk to you"
"Honey what happened?" She asked worried
"My engagement is off" I said devastated
"What why!?"
"Mom I did a stupid thing" she stood quiet waiting for me to speak "I cheated on him"
"What??? Valerie!!!! Since when do you cheat on people? What is wrong with you"
"Mom I'm in love with someone else"
"Who!?"
"You are not going to believe this, but do you remember when you send me to summer camp and I met a boy?"
"Yeah, the one that told everyone you had sex with him"
"Yes! Well he didn't say anything, but yes that boy, I met him at Jim's parents house at Christmas's, he is Jim's cousin"
"Oh sweetheart, please tell me you didn't"
"Mom I feel awful, but my feeling for him were stronger"
"I believe you did the right thing"
"I think I did"
"And what are you going to do now?"
"I don't know yet"

I checked in into a hotel and spend the night there. I booked a flight to Miami for the next day. My brief life in Chicago was over.

I talked to my boss and apologized for my change of plans, he was so happy to hear the news that I was staying in Miami.

I was very good at my job, I loved it and I was so dedicated to it, I graduated college with honors and that's why the newspaper send me that offer that I couldn't refuse.

I think life has put me where I needed to be. I've never dreamt of coming to Miami, I never planned on running on Sebastian, not less cheat on my fiancée with him.

I think destiny wanted me to be with him, because if I hadn't receive that job offer, I would have never come to Miami, I would have never go to that game, sit next to Sebastian's cousin.
It was all destiny's plan. Or that's what I thought.