August Nights

43

calmer chapter so I dont overwhelm lol. sorry for the length tho omg

remember to comment throughout!! 

I felt rough today:( eyes are sensitive to light. 

I love ya- trigger warning as talk about self harm and drugs x

Without awareness of the road or the rain, the car moved over the highway, lights on full beam. I watched how the yellowed, yet bright light played in the droplets, showing this deluge, this flood from the sky, in apparently solitary drops.

We'd been driving for hours.

Something had happened, as soon as we got in the car, big clouds rolled over and here, two hours later driving in the general directions of away- the rain was becoming a little frightening.

We always had big summer storms; it was pretty normal. Just- the silence between us, although not uncomfortable necessarily, hung heavy. And the outside felt the same.

August is so far inside of his head it's almost scary to watch. He's not concentrating on driving, whatsoever, I mean it looks like he is, his eyes are trained to the road, his hands on the wheel, his body doing what it needs to keep us alive on this motorway.

But I doubt he's even in the car.

I can't even see him breathing.

He's dark. The usual fidgeting, unease, restlessness, it's like he's frozen, and I think he's trying to figure out his head, order his thoughts but damn it he hasn't spoken to me in more than an hour.

Does anyone understand how hard it is for me to keep silent for an hour?

I've just been drinking my water I brought with me, every time I wanna break the silence, I take a sip as although I could force him to talk to me, to explain what happened with my dad and his, to explain what he meant by reckless, I knew that wasn't what he needed right now.

Right now, he needed someone to just make sure he didn't do something disastrous.

So here I am.

Silent.

And desperately needing a wee.

Honestly, we'd been driving for hours and I keep drinking this water and I know there are services coming up so I am going to have to ask him to pull in.

But I am scared of his silence. Like will he even hear me? He doesn't even seem here with me right now.

"August?" I blurt his name, I couldn't help it. I really do need to pee.

He startled, like he jumped as if he had forgotten I am besides him.

His eyes flickered to me and then to his dashboard.

"You lasted an hour and a half." He says quietly. "Well done."

He means the silence?

"Ha. Um, I need a wee."

"Oh." August says and then in acknowledgement to my statement he starts to change lanes, pulling over to the slower lane so we can take the little service slip road when it comes up.

Or well I hope that is what he meant.

"You know why I stopped taking my medication don't you?"

I look at him again, turning in my seat a little. "Because you felt weird." I say.

"They said this is how I am supposed to be feeling. That I am just used to numbness, to being miserable. Emersyn this is not how I am supposed to be feeling." He says and he lifts his hand up of the wheel and he shows me how much it's shaking.