Watching you is the only drug I need

Chapter 1

Patrick pov : It was July 3rd , I was sitting on my couch in Maine felling the sunshine in on my hand resting on the couch. Jill was with the kids at the park just getting some fresh air we've been trying to stay away from anyone and everyone and avoid going anywhere , so every- chance we got to go out we did . I stayed back to get some work accomplished for the Dempsey Center because we had the virtual race in September. Covid-19 cases were going down . But if we all wore masks it would be 1000 times better. I was thinking back to the Instagram post I made a couple weeks back thinking if I said something from Grey's people would maybe start listening. Because Derek Shepard was my biggest role. It helped some but I felt there was still more I could do.

I went all the way to the top of my camera roll looking for pictures of bts greys . Maybe if I posted one it would help. I was scrolling i stoped at a few pic of me , Jill & the kids on the way. We weren't happy. We haven't been happy for the past 15 years.I wasn't getting any jobs our income wasn't excist want which sent her over the top. Then I got Grey's it was amazing for all of us at first. Until , until the sex scene started feeling a little to real . Until the sex scenes made me want to tell everyone to get out so I can actually take my clothes off , until i stoped talking as Derek and started talking as Patrick. it wasn't as bad as first until I started getting in my head thinking she was in love with me too. But I had to keep reminding myself of the reality. Eventually we got close and one night we got close without our clothes on , skin to skin. God i was craving her I needed her again . I could still smell her skin lingering on me even after 6 years. And this sound absolutely horrible but she's more perfect than Jillian will ever in 100 million years be . I remembered exactly what went on that night just like it was last night.

It was the end of the season set party, we were in the trailer lot. Ellen and I were tipsy , we were laughing at absolutely everything , ellen was in this thought short dress that brought her curves out. She would talk to Kevin and I wanted to go wrap my arms around her from the back and kiss on her neck to let EVERYONE know she was mine. Even tho we were all married and just friends. This was my last season with her . My last night probably. Even tho we swore we would talk every day, Jill would never allow that. Even if I never straight forward told her that me and Ellen we're having an affair she definitely knew. We had never had sex , I thought about what it would be like all the time tho. But it was more of an emotional affair we were both in love we both knew we had both made it clear to each other and everyone around us.

We were walking in the lot , we stoped at Ellen's trailer and she was fumbling in her purse for her keys " el baby that dress , your body"
"PATRICK" she said in a high flirty voice. As she turned round to look at me with her mouth open
" I'm serious el"
" you are married u have 3 children I am married I have 3 children"
"But Ellen , u r all I think of . At night I lay in bed looking at Jillian wishing it was you . I have sex and the whole time I'm thinking of you , ellen pomepo you make me a better person I want you and only you "
"Patrick , we have families who don't deserve this"she had given up on looking for her keys she was now staring straight in my eyes tearing up.
"Please just let me just have this last night with u" i said as i wrapped my arms around her waist pulling her in our bodies sparking as we touched my forehead touched hers , our lips collided ,her purse dropped to the ground , i pushed her up against the trailer door she was fighting with the door. Apparently the door was unlocked this whole time. The island was in front of the door she turned around my arms still around her waist she was pressed against the counter i was kissing her neck listening to her moan lightly. I pulled her dress up and ran my fingers right up and down her thighs she had a Lacey black thong on . My thumbs ran across the top of her underwear and I slid them down , I turned her around and picked her up sat her on the counter . She laid down .
*door opened *
"Honey I'm home"
My mind automatically switched to more kid friendly thoughts and images.
Shit , I was hard . I grabbed the blanket and put my computer to hide my excitement from remembering what happened that night.
"Dad!!" Said tululah
"Now i told her to ask you if your fine with it I'm fine with it if your not fine with it I'm not fine with it  " Jill said
"What is it ? " I asked
"I want to go to a friends house, dad please PLEASEEEEE only us and her parents I'll get tested after"
"Tal hunny , you know how worried I am about this virus , i just don't think it's safe . I will think about it okay hunny . Go outside with sull and Darby so I can talk to your mother
Jill walked over and sat next to me , she kissed me on the lips
"wanna" she asked raising her eyebrows and her eyes pointing towards the bedroom
"No not right now " I said firmly
"Someone is in a cranky mood"
"No jill I'm just"
"What ?"
"i- nothing"
"are u sure? "
"yes "
"okay, I'm gonna run to the store, where is the thermometer? "
" I don't know " I said typing a few words on my computer them picking up my glass and sipping a sip of water
"found it, 98.2 " she mumbled
before I knew it I heard the door shut. She was gone I opened my phone back up scrolling through the pictures . Ahhh , here it is . There we were I was in my white coat she was in her organ donor shirt I needed a reason to post that picture so she slipped that shirt on.  Mh arms wrapped around her waist with her hand tangled in mine smiles as big as Texas on our faces . I haven't smiled like that since 2015. God I missed her. Everything about her , how she walked , her laugh , her voice , the smell of her hair.I was going to post the picture but i kept overthinking . Would she see it ? Of course she would . That would be odd not talking in 6 years and me posting a picture of us. Maybe she would think I was using her for clout that's the very absolute last thing I ever wanted for her to think. Maybe she still felt the same way. If she did do you think she would reach out. Even after how things ended. Promising to talkie everyday to not talking in 6 years . I had overthought way too much I wasn't gonna post it I went to heat up the kettle so I could make tea and ding I got a message. I went over to the couch to see who it was figuring it was jill . I picked up my phone and the last person I would have ever thought to have texted did. My heart dropped.