Broken Sky

34| Healed

Lais tightens her hold on me. "Is that all you've been thinking all this time? That you're a monster?" She sniffles.

Feeling her crying on my chest, I can't help but tighten my hold around her as well.

She's fully leaning on me now, and I'm too overwhelmed by all the emotions consuming me that I don't even trust my legs anymore as they might give up on me anytime. Still holding her, I step back and settle on the couch, causing her to sit on my lap.

She's still crying softly that my shirt starts to soak with her tears.

After a while, she pulls away, looking surprised by this new position. The intimacy makes us stare at each other in awkward silence.

"Is that true?" I rasp. "That you liked me?"

She nods.

I tear my gaze away from her.

I still want to kill myself for what I've done to her.

I want to curse myself. In my mind, I can still see the blood on the bedsheet.

Even though she liked me, it didn't mean that she wanted her first time with me.

It didn't mean that she wanted it in such a horrible way.

Lais is now staring at me, studying me. She might notice that my face darkens.

"Hey." Her whisper makes me look at her again. "I said I liked you, Jake."

Her eyes soften, and to my surprise, she touches my cheek before leaning closer to me, still sitting on my lap.

A moment later, she places a soft kiss on my cheek.

A blush appears on her cheeks. That sight makes my heart thump.

"Lais, I..."

She looks at me with wonder.

"I might kiss you." My voice is barely a whisper. I can't believe that I just blurted that out.

Her beautiful sky blue eyes stare back at me in surprise, and I feel the pain in my heart again.

Why did I say that to her?

Is it because I need to see that she doesn't think of me as a monster?

Lais is stunned, looking lost.

She swallows. "I've never..." she falters, stopping in the middle of her sentence.

Has she never been kissed?

Shit. Did I take her virginity even before she had her first kiss?

I feel like I want to break something now. If only I could turn back the time, I would fix a lot of things.

We're both silent now. I won't kiss her if she doesn't give her consent. How the hell would I even dare to do that?

What's the probability of her allowing me to kiss her?

She said that she liked me. Liked. Past tense.

Jesus. She's going to reject me.

But then, the next thing I feel is her cupping my cheeks tenderly. I'm too lost in her, and before I know it, her lips graze on mine.

I close my eyes. It tastes like heaven.

The fact that she's giving me her first kiss, and that she initiates it, is enough to make me feel like I'm conquering the world.

Her lips move slowly. I can feel that she's hesitant about what to do next.

I pull her closer to me, my arm wrapped around her waist as I place my other hand behind her head, my fingers raking through her hair.

I kiss her slowly but with so much passion -- I never knew that kissing can make me feel this good. This whole.

Her lips are so delicate, so soft. And mine can't get enough of hers. Like they were made to kiss her. Like her lips are the only place that they belong to. Like home.

Lais begins to mirror what I'm doing, and I embrace her even more when she circles her arms around my neck.

We continue to kiss like the world only revolves around us, like we've missed each other so much.

I don't even know how long we stay like this because I'm too lost in her sweetness. In her warmth.

It's crazy that a while ago, I felt like I was the most horrible human being that ever existed in this world. But right now, that feeling is gone.

Right now, that monster is gone.

I've never felt so healed in my entire life. All this time, I've been searching for a cure to the scar that can only be healed by her.

The tears I shed earlier are now replaced with a single one, coming out from the corner of my eye as I kiss her with all my heart.

And it's only filled with one thing that makes my heart feel like exploding.

Joy.