Sleepybois Oneshots (PLATONIC)

Why? (1/2)

a pic of the early parts of the server^

Background: SBI is like they are currently. Real-world, and around the timeline of the Brighton meetup.

Triggers: Mental illness, self-harm, swearing.

Please please please do not read if this triggers you.

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"Do you even eat?"

"Ew, why's he so skinny?"

"Impostor PogChamp"

"why's he so annoying?"

"Tommy are you okay?"

The chat had noticed his silence.

They were playing a fun round of Among Us with Wilbur, Tubbo, Techno, Phil and five others. Tommy could only feel relieved as the chat turned to emote only as they began the round, with Tommy as the impostor.

He made sure to stay in the groups of around three, smiling to himself.

He was doing all the right things!

He didn't do a single mistake and people were around him.

It sure wasn't long before a single body was reported, the body being The Captain. The other impostor, Smajor, was clearly pulling the weight, with two bodies already killed.

"Hey, guys. Before we let Tubbo talk about the reported body, I just wanna say that Tommy has been way too loud lately and we should kick him off my ship." Wilbur quickly put in. Nobody even had the chance to speak, not even Tommy before it seemed like most had voted for him. 

"Bu-But-"

"Okay anyway, continue with your tasks," Wilbur said with an audible smile.

He couldn't let his hurt show, not in front of the 90 thousand people that had tuned in just for him. Not Wilbur, not Tubbo, but for him. 

It was a lot harder than he expected.

It hurt whenever he was kicked just because of his online persona. He'd barely spoken in the last 30 minutes anyway!

I need to end the stream.

The chat was immediately turned off emote only (even though he was impostor) once Tommy announced that he was raiding Tubbo. Wilbur didn't need the toxic chat right now. He knew that they would kill the older.

He left the discord call and eventually quit the game after ending the stream. He was left with the black desktop picture and the reflection of his ugly face.

Why did he choose to stream today?

His face looked like shit and he couldn't help but wrap his fingers around his wrist. Hadn't it been easier yesterday?

Tommy ignored these feelings and went to watch Tubbo's stream for a bit.

"So, now that The Captain is back in the game, how should we kill the other crewmates chat? We could never kill The Captain."

They didn't even notice he was gone.

Tommy felt the hot tears rise and the lump in his throat choke him out of his goddamn mind. Why did he even bother?

He wanted that release. 

He wanted these thoughts out of his head for at least 10 minutes.

Anything.

Tommy hurried down to the bathroom and locked the door, to find the clean razor at the back of the cupboard. He'd been here many times before.

But he couldn't.

This would throw away his life more than it already was, right?

This was irreversible.

Tommy looked in the mirror and stared into his dull, lifeless eyes for a good few minutes. So what if his skin was scarred and ruined? It was his skin.

But what would Mum and Dad think?

They loved him enough.

What would social media think?

The majority of them were nice people looking out for a young boy trying to cross the perilous waves of the internet.

What would future him think?

Tommy didn't know.

The blonde sighed in returned the unused razor to the back of the cabinet. He'd done this before. He'd overcome the worst of the temptation.

What now?

He still needed that release, the pain that he oh so deserved.

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Tommy woke up the next day with multiple bruises and red marks all over his body. He looked up alternative self-harm techniques. Tommy wasn't ready to do something irreversible. To cut his clear skin.

He'd heard rubber bands work a bit, and the bruises made up for some of the pain he lost by not cutting. He couldn't fucking be man enough to do it.

He had no college today, so he decided to surprise his viewers with a particularly early Wednesday stream. Sure, he didn't feel ready, but he would do anything to please those that go out of their way to watch him. 

Hopefully, this stream would bring in new viewers from different timezones.

It had been going peacefully for about half an hour. The chat and donations were constantly asking about his sudden disappearance and short stream last night, but Tommy paid no mind to it. He had a small pet war on his mind anyway.

Dream came along.

Tommy sure did look up to the older and more successful man. 

Dream had done so much for him, and it disappointed Tommy that he couldn't make it back up to the man, other than keeping his SMP alive of course.

The 21-year-old stayed with Tommy, giving him random advice about streaming and viewership. He went on to explain to the chat how he didn't stream important events because he had no place in taking away from the people who put in lots of effort.

For whatever reason, Tommy felt guilty.

"Y'know Tommy, I have something to announce after the stream."

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