ℝ𝔸ℕ𝔻𝕐 & 𝕁𝔸ℂ𝕂𝕃𝕐ℕ 𝕆ℕ𝔼𝕊ℍ𝕆𝕋𝕊🏳️🌈

Is this still working? pt.1 (Jacklyn)

JACK'S POV
"I'm going out with Harper" he leaves me a quick kiss before leaving the front door.

Practically every night I hear this sentence. Every night is always a "go out with Harper", always and constantly.
I know Harper is his best friend and I am so happy for him. They met at a time when Brook was very depressed. His father's death devastated him and although I was with him the whole time, it was never enough. Nothing and no one is able to replace your father's presence, especially when it comes to cases where the father-son relationship is like theirs.
I didn't have the pleasure of knowing his father, but I know his son, better than anyone else, and this is enough for me to know that he was a good person and always there for everyone.
Five months after the death of his father, another loss has been added, one that creates deep wounds, mostly of the sorts of furrows that dig deep and take your breath away. Those things that when they happen you wake up every morning asking yourself "how do I wake up every morning without you?"

As now every night I enter Sonny's room, as soon as he sees me he immediately understands everything and without asking questions he takes the controller, he gives me one and we start playing the usual game, not even a word, just and simply the different sounds of the game it makes from the background.

Even if I don't want to, I find myself constantly and constantly checking my cell phone, checking - hoping - that Brook has sent me a message, as he did at the beginning of our relationship.

I love Brook, I love him with all of myself, 2 years that we are together are not few, but above all I do not want them to remain two years. But how things have been going in the last couple of months doesn't make me feel good. Our relationship is no longer the same. We still have sex but this has also changed, at first there was love and passion, now it is only to satisfy a physical need; we still sleep together, mostly he comes back around 3/4 in the morning and sneaks into bed, thinking I'm sleeping.

***

“Bro you lost them all” two different games, for a total of about 120 games and I only won one. My idea was to distract me and instead it just made me think more about him. "It's Brook, isn't it?"

"It's always him"

"Things no longer work as they used to, do they?"

"Honestly? I think he cheated on me at least once" I never asked for anything and I never thought he could do such a thing, but I know perfectly well how things work, myself, before I met Brook, I had a girlfriend who I cheated on on an evening like any other. The person I cheated on her with was the same person I now think cheated on me.

I know, it's a bit of a strange way to get to know a person. Going to a bar with friends and finding yourself making out with someone you just met, someone of the opposite sex. I never labeled myself, I just hooked up with people I was fine with, who I liked both inside and out, with people who made me feel loved. I never said a word to anyone about this, but when I met Brook it all changed. I felt things I had never felt before.

"I think he's in love with you" I look into his eyes, trying to figure out if he's telling the truth. One part of me wants to believe him, the other knows that the boy I fell in love with is gone and the possibility that the love for me has gone with him, is always present.

***

3 am and he hasn't come home yet. Everyone is asleep while I'm in my bed, which has quickly become our bed, and I'm thinking about all the moments I spent with him. I keep them all jealously in my heart and to know that they will no longer be there is terrible.

We can't continue a relationship like this, it wouldn't make sense. Our relationship has now become like a canvas full of deep cuts that have been tried in vain to heal. But the truth is we haven't healed anything at all, we just made things worse.