Rose's Journal

Chapter 9: The Hospital

Willie and Alex stood outside the LA General Hospital. They looked at the big brick building. Neither one had been there since they died. Alex froze up before he entered the building, and Willie grabbed his hand.

"It's okay. We'll face it together," Willie squeezed Alex's hand tighter, feeling the guilt build inside of him, but realizing that he was just going to have to deal with it. Alex needed him to be a strong, supportive boyfriend, and that's what he was going to do.

Alex felt part of his anxiety go away by just the feeling of Willie's hand in his. "With you here for me, I can do anything," Alex said, squeezing Willie's hand back. They entered the hospital.

"I think we just need to quickly find the map that will lead us to the records then go there," said Willie, beginning to sound sort of frantic.

"Is everything okay?" Alex asked, not knowing that this was where Willie died too.

"Yeah. I'll be fine," Willie said, "Just... not a huge fan of hospitals."

They found the map quickly, Willie avoiding looking in the direction of the ER, then poofed into the records room. Luckily for them, no one was there. They began looking through the filing cabinets to find Luke's autopsy report.

"I found Luke's file," Alex announced. Willie went over to see what he found. The first paper was just his birth certificate.

"Luke's middle name is Benedict?" Willie suppressed his laughter.

Alex chuckled, "It's a family name, okay? Luke will literally kill me if he finds out that you found out, so just keep it to yourself, okay?"

Willie laughed, "Of course."

They moved the birth certificate to the back of the folder. The next paper was a handwritten report. Alex read the title: Summary of Incident Report: July 22nd, 1995.

"That's the day we died." Alex's voice turned solemn.

"Are you going to read it?" Willie asked, not wanting to put pressure on him but wanting to know how much Alex wanted to know.

"I mean I guess I will. I can remember a lot of what happened that night, but I was the first one to die, so I feel like I need to know what else happened," Alex said as he sat there, mustering up the courage to begin reading.

The call was received at 10:03 PM. It detailed that three teenage males were vomiting and struggling to stand outside of Sam and Ella's hot dog stand off Sunset Blvd. The paramedics arrived on the scene at 10:26 PM to find the patients (identified later as Luke Patterson, Reginald Peters, and Alex Mercer) with low vital signs. Each patient was hooked immediately to an IV and were injected with rounds of antibiotics on the scene. When the patients were stable, the paramedics moved them onto the ambulance. Before the ambulance was able to depart, Alex Mercer's heart stopped. The paramedics were unable to resuscitate him, and he was pronounced dead at 10:57 PM.

Alex stopped reading. He knew he died, obviously, but reading the words was difficult. He just thought about his friends in the ambulance with him that watched him die. He thought about how it felt for those minutes in the dark room all alone, not knowing what was happening or if he was ever going to see his friends ever again. Alex began to cry and closed his eyes, trying to collect himself. Wille hugged him from behind, squeezing him tightly. Willie could see Alex breaking right in front of him, and it was something that he never wanted to see.

"Thank you," Alex's voice breaking. He needed to read the rest, but the memories were painful. Especially now, knowing that someone he considered a friend might've been the cause of all of this pain and heartache. He gathered his strength from Willie and began to read the rest.

When the ambulance began to move, Luke Patterson went into cardiac arrest. The paramedics were able to revive him. The ambulance arrived at the hospital, and Reginald Peters immediately went into sudden cardiac arrest. Despite repeated attempts in Trauma Room 1, the doctors were unable to revive him, and he was declared dead at 11:18 PM.

Willie read the words at the same time as Alex. He could feel Alex tense up, knowing that he was remembering those twenty-one minutes alone and afraid, not knowing the fate of his friends. He knew Alex was probably thinking about the mix of happiness and sadness he felt when Reggie arrived in the room with him, relieved to see a familiar face, but also completely crushed by the realization that his friend died.

Luke Patterson began to code immediately after Reginald Peters. The doctors were unable to revive him, despite repeated attempts and was pronounced dead at 11:19 PM.

Alex broke down, no longer needing to keep his composure since he was done reading. Willie circled around him to meet his face, and he sat down as Alex collapsed on the ground in tears. Alex didn't want to think about his two best friends in the world dying.

"Hey, hey. It's gonna be okay I'm here, I'm here. I have you," Willie cried, holding Alex who laid down on his lap. Willie just sat there, stroking his hair to help him calm down. Alex couldn't even look up. He just laid there, completely limp and in tears. They sat like that for several minutes until Alex finally spoke.

"I could've stopped this. I knew the hot dog stand was no good. I knew that something wasn't right with it, but I let them eat the hot dogs. I let them die. I just sat there and said nothing, and now we're dead. I killed my best friends in the entire world," Alex sobbed, his words barely understandable.

"Alex, you can't blame yourself," Willie said, his voice beginning to break too, "This isn't your fault. You couldn't have known. You couldn't have stopped it. They don't blame you, and you shouldn't blame yourself either."

"But..." Alex began.

"You need to forgive yourself, especially because you did nothing wrong," Willie interrupted, knowing whatever Alex was going to say next was going to make him spiral into further hysteria.

"Thank you," Alex said weakly, still feeling the pain from his own guilt.

"I will always be here for you, Alex," Willie said as Alex began to sit up.

Alex leaned in and kissed Willie, cupping his cheeks. For a moment, Willie forgot about the guilt he felt as he kissed Alex back, feeling Alex's tears brush against his cheek. He felt a weight lifted off him just being there with Alex, feeling his lips against his. Alex was still devastated by what he had read and by the negative thoughts that were eating at him but being there with Willie made him feel better. He needed Willie, and he was right there with him.

They pulled away and immediately, as if it was a reflex, Alex blurted:

"I love you."

It was the first time he had said it to Willie, but he had meant it for much longer. Willie froze. He loved Alex. He loved him more than those three words could express. So, why couldn't he say it back? Willie sat there for a short while, thinking just say it, but his mouth couldn't form the words.

Suddenly, the boys heard the jangling of keys. "We need to get out of here," Alex said, breaking the silence. "I'll grab the autopsy just go," Alex said, with a slight tone of both pain and embarrassment in his voice. Why didn't he say it back?

Willie poofed out as Alex said that. Alex took the autopsy and put the folder back in its place. He poofed out of the room and found himself on the pier. He broke down again. It was all too much for him in that moment. The guilt, the uncertainty, the pain. He was alone again, just like in that dark room, with so many questions and fears, but no one to answer them or ease them. He thought he had found that person that would be that for him, but Willie obviously didn't feel the same