Rose's Journal

Chapter 13: The Other

Luke arrived back in the studio. "Reggie?" he yelled out, "Where are you? Can we please talk about this?" Luke sighed. He had a feeling Reggie wasn't going to be there, yet there was still a part of him that was praying that he would. At the same time, he felt a wave of relief over him as Reggie failed to respond. He wasn't quite sure what he wanted to say, or even what he wanted. He sat down on the couch and grabbed his acoustic and just started playing. Music was usually what allowed him to communicate everything he couldn't say, but there was something blocking him. He couldn't even put it to words.

Suddenly, the big doors opened and Julie walked in. "Luke? Hey! I haven't seen any of you all day! It feels like I've barely talked to you guys this whole week!" she said. Then, she looked at him and saw that his eyes were bloodshot, "Are you okay? You look really upset?"

"It's nothing, really. Just some problems."

"Why won't you tell me? You can trust me. I won't tell anyone else. I'm here for you, Luke," she said as she grabbed his shoulder.

"It's not a big deal. I'm fine."

Julie raised her voice, but her tone was still soft, "Luke Patterson! I care about you too much to let you sit here and lie to me about this! Tell me what's going on!"

"I CAN'T TELL YOU BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW!" said Luke, screaming it, flustering Julie. He broke down and put his head in his hands. Julie just put her arm around him. He looked up to meet her eyes, and they stared into each other's for a moment. All of a sudden, he kissed Julie. Julie kissed him back, and they stayed that way for a few seconds before Luke pulled away.

It was the first time they had ever kissed.

Julie sat there in shock. Sure, they both knew that there were feelings there, but she didn't expect that, not in that moment. When she imagined it in her head, it was perfect. She imagined that this one kiss be electric. It would be like the one in movies where the two people look at each other afterwards, and they just know that they were made for one another. However, the kiss was strange. It wasn't a bad kiss, and it wasn't that she didn't like Luke. It was just that something about it didn't feel right. She sat there in silence though, not wanting to hurt Luke, who was already hurting. They sat in silence for a minute until Luke finally spoke up.

"I'm sorry, Julie. I shouldn't have done that."

"Why are you apologizing?" Julie asked, "You know that I like you. There's nothing wrong with that."

"I know it's just.. I'm not in a good space right now, and I shouldn't have done that to you. I'm still trying to process something."

Julie was confused. Trying to process something? What the hell does that mean? She thought to herself. What did him kissing her have to do with him processing something?

"Luke, please tell me what it is. I want to help you," Julie said, holding the top of his hand.

"You're not mad at me for that?" Luke asked with a shocked tone. He felt horrible for doing that to her. Especially considering what it meant.

"No, Luke. I'm confused, don't get me wrong, but I'm not mad. We can all be spontaneous when we're upset." Don't I know it, she thought to herself.

"Okay," Luke took a deep breath in. He didn't know if he was ready to talk about it yet, but he owed Julie that after what he just did, "Reggie kissed me."

Julie looked at Luke with a face of shock. She thought of about 100 other things it could be, but that thought never crossed her mind. Although, when she thought about it more, it began to make sense, "He kissed you? How did that happen?"

"We were at his mom's house, and we found out that she has Alzheimer's and lost a lot of her memories of Reggie," Luke explained, "I was there, comforting him, then I was holding his face to try to talk him down, and he just leaned in and kissed me."

"So, how do you feel about it?"

The million dollar question. The truth was that he didn't know. He had always found Reggie attractive, for sure, but something about him always seemed off limits. He wasn't quite sure what it was though: maybe it was because he always thought he was straight, or maybe it was because they were such good friends. But, Alex was his friend too before they started dating. He couldn't pinpoint it. But, when Reggie kissed him, it was intense. He held him and felt so much comfort, so much light just being with him like that. Yet he couldn't help but feel guilty, but he didn't know why he felt that way. It felt wrong and right at the same time: perfect but forbidden. He couldn't get that feeling out of his head.

"I-I don't know," Luke spoke softly. That was the best answer he could give, he really didn't know how it made him feel.

"I wish I could help you, but I think this is something you have to work through on your own," Julie paused before her next question. She figured it would be one that would help both of them, but she worried about how Luke would take it. But it needed to be said. "How did it compare to kissing me?"

Luke was visibly thrown by the question. "Different. But, not in a bad way like you're not a bad kisser that's not what I'm trying to say it's just-"

"Not the same. Like there was something almost-?"

"Incorrect about it," said Luke, finishing her sentence but immediately regretting it. "I'm sorry Julie I don't know what that meant-,"

"No it is what you meant," Julie interrupted, "Because I felt the same way about it. Sure, we like each other, but we're just not meant to be."

Luke paused at this. It was exactly how he felt, but he didn't want to say it aloud and hurt Julie's feelings. It wasn't a bad kiss, but it wasn't the right kiss either: they weren't meant to be. "We both knew it was wrong because there's someone else we both love more than we love each other," Luke said, coming to the realization that he figured out who that is. Hearing Julie talk about the kiss that way made him realized the truth: it's Reggie. It's always been him, and it will always be him. "Julie, I have to find him. I have to talk to him. Thank you!" Luke yelled as he poofed away.

There's someone else? Julie thought to herself. Of course, there was someone else. Julie knew exactly who her someone else was. She had always known, but too much had happened that made her fall away. Lots of confusion and fears. But her head was clear now. No more thoughts of what could be with Luke to cloud her mind, and no more fears of being wrong. She ran out the double doors almost forgetting to close them behind her. Her someone else was waiting for her.