What They Don't Know

Burden ⚠️

Tessa's POV:

The next two weeks at school were the same. Candy, Hank and Manny making snide comments, pushing me into my locker and pushing my shoulder as if they "accidentally" bumped into me. The cyber comments stayed the same. Amy and Liam have tried to "protect me" especially in the hallways h it that's not their job. William is the same. He's been sweet though. He will walk me to my classes to make sure I get there.
I've been ditching lunch a lot lately since the whole smoothie incident. I've been hiding out in the library or in the bathroom. My appetite hasn't been present lately because did my anxiety of having to constantly watch my back. I just can't catch a break. I made Liam, Amy and William promise me not to tell Jaxon about the online comments on Twitter and Instagram.
It's Friday and I'm waiting for Jaxon to come to the car.
I see him walking out of the building but what shocks me is that he's walking out talking to ......

Candy......

Are you kidding me right now. They're talking and he's smiling. He dumped her months ago and he knows what she did in the lunch room two weeks ago. What the hell is he doing with her. He knows how much she's hurt me (minus the online bullying).
I feel tears start to make their way down my face. I stare at Jaxon. He finally walks away from her and spots me. He stops in his tracks once he notices my tears. He calls out my name and I do what I do best in situations like this. I ran away from him. There's no way I'm riding in a small car with him alone after he was just hanging with Candy. It's not happening. I run as fast as my feet can take me, getting closer and closer to the house. Jaxon's shouting faded away after about five minutes.
After running for 25 minutes, I make it home. I run up the stairs to my bedroom and slam my door shut. I lock it and slide down the door and I just let it all out. I cried for what felt like hours even though it was only a few minutes. I hear the front door whip opens and then slam shut and I hear Jaxon shouting my name.

I hear footsteps rushing up the stairs then knocking on my door. I refuse to let anyone in. I just want to be alone.

Jaxon: "Tessa. Please open the door. It's not what it looked like okay. Just let me explain. Please Tessa"

I don't say anything. I have nothing to say. I just let the tears pour down my face.

Jaxon: "Tessa. Open this door NOW! Just let me explain. She told me she was sorry about the smoothie and that she was concerned about you. I told her not to worry about it an sit wasn't her business and to stay away"

I can't believe what I'm hearing right now. The girl who's been physically bullying me and cyber bullying is trying to trick my brother into thinking she's all nice and apologetic.

Jaxon: "Tessa please. She was apologizing for all the crap she did. She said she did it because she wanted to get back with me. She went about it all the wrong way but I'm not getting back with her Tessa. Please. Open the door Tess!"

I sigh and brush my tears away. I can't believe this. Any of this. She's lying to him. But now I can't help but think that maybe he wants to get back with her. How could her believe all the lies that came out of her mouth.

Jaxon: "please bambina. Open up"

Tessa: "I'm fine Jaxon. Please just leave me alone"

I hear him sigh heavily then walk away. I climb into my bed. I hear shouting downstairs and I know it's about me. I can't do anything right.
So far I've caused fighting between my brothers. I caused Jaxon to lose Candy as his girlfriend. I hate her but I took that away form him. I've caused people at school to hate me because of pressing charges against Damien. I've caused my brothers to fight about me, worry about me and they don't deserve any of this. I've caused so many problems. I just can't handle it all anymore. I haven't felt this alone and this ashamed of myself since I lived with Bobby. If the hit and run hadn't have happened and I came into the care of my brothers, I'd be dead. I planned on taking my life only a few days later but I found out about my brothers and everything happened so fast after that.
I'm back in that mindset now. I have no other way out. If I'm not around then my brothers can be happy without me. They can date whoever they would like and not have to worry about me being in the way of that. Nobody's would be mad at me and hate me anymore at school. The charges against Bobby would drop and everyone would be happy. Of course I'd miss my friends and my brothers but they would all be better off without. They won't have me as a burden on their back. They won't have to constantly worry about me or worry about protecting me. They shouldn't have to.

I've been locked in my room since Friday night and now it's Sunday evening. I can't sleep or eat. My brothers have all tried to coax me out but they gave up this morning. No one has tried since then. It's been six hours since they last knocked on my door.
I feel weak. Pathetic. Numb almost. I'm hurt from everything but I'm so sad and hateful towards myself it's all starting to numb into a feeling of just being empty. Almost like a shell. Tears are still falling from my eyes but I don't know why.
I roll off my bed and grab my phone. I sit back down and I decide it's time. I start to write an email to my brothers because I know Leo won't check his email till tomorrow morning before he starts work. It's the safest route so they can't stop me.

"Leo, Cole, Lijah and Jaxon,
I'm so so sorry for everything I have put you guys through these past few months. You guys never deserved any of the pain and turmoil and upset I put you through. You guys deserve a sister who is normal and happy end doesn't have any problems. You deserve the most perfect sister and I'm sorry I just couldn't be her. I tried I promise I did but I just can't. I can't handle the pain I'm feeling anymore. The pain from Bobby and Damien. The pain of losing my mother. The guilt of causing you four so much pain. I don't deserve you guys. I can't live life the way I am anymore. I'm scared to go to school because they all hate me. I've ruined Jaxon's relationship with Candy months back and I've been a burden to all four of you. I don't want to be a burden. You guys don't deserve that. I'm so sorry for doing this but I know you all will be okay. I know you will live the best life you can. You deserve to be happy and healthy and feel loved.
I love you guys so much. You have no idea. I love you so much. I'm so sorry. I have to do this. Please don't hate me even more or be more upset with me. This is for the best. Everything will go back to how it was before I came here. It will get better again. I'm so sorry again. I never wanted to burden any of you.
This is my final goodbye to you guys. Thank you for allowing me me to feel love for the first time in my life since momma died. And thank you for making me genuinely laugh and smile.
Forever yours, Tessa ❤️"

I hit send. I message William, Amy and Liam in our group chat.

Tess: I love you guys.

Amy: aweeee love you too bitch!

William: are you okay......

Tess: I'm fine. I just want you guys to know I love you and I'm thankful I met you all.

Liam: girl you're crazy. You know we all love you.

William tried calling me and I hit decline because I can't hear his voice. If I hear his voice I'll break down.

He calls back again.... and again and I decline. It's times.

I head into the bathroom and find my razor blades. I fill the tub up with cold water and emerge myself into it fully clothed. I sit for a moment and the tears are still pouring out. This is the only way for everyone to be happy. Including myself. I no longer will be a burden. I drag the blade deeply across my left wrist. I wince with the stinging of the razor. I then grab the razor in my left hand as blood falls into the water and drag it across my right wrist. I drop the razor onto the floor. The bath is still running but I don't have the energy to turn it off. My Alexa is softly playing music and I listen as I start to slip away. I'm feeling weaker and weaker. I faintly hear banging and yelling but I focus on the music. I hear a loud crash and that's when both my eyes completely close shut. It's time for me to be happy. I won't be a burden. I won't be a burden... I won't..be...a.....burden.