Only him.

Too many quesions.

Today me and Tom are going to the premier or his new film Thor:Ragnarok.
I can't wait because it's Tom actually asked me to go with him, we are going in a car just after Chris and it's only already time to get going.
I look at myself in the mirror and smile.
Imagine -
I'm wearing a dress that's basically a sweater.
It has a turtle neck and Is crimson red.
It goes to just above my knee caps.
With long sleeves.
I have a long leather black jacket.
My hair is still in its naturally curly form.
Big black chunky boots with long white socks.

I look like a web but feel so great. Tom is wearing a a suit, his usual white shirt with no tie and black trousers with a black jacket. He looks great. He combed his hair back and we head out the door.
We sit in the car in silence, Tom holding onto my hand making circular motions in my palm.

We get to the venue and as we step out the car lights are already flashing our way "I'm going to find Jeff answer some questions ok" Tom says kissing my cheek while people take photos of us.

"Mia, can we ask you a few questions?" One man asks me.

"Sure you can" - mia.

"James used to do drugs right ... so after you took the break were you scared he was going to get back into them?" - interviewer.

"Eh, I'm sorry I'm not going to answer that, any other questions?" - mia.

"And also, no he didn't do drugs at all, his father and brother were arrested for dealing meaning rumours were spread about James" - mia.

My head is spinning, this isn't about James it's about Tom and the new movie. No he didn't do drugs but that doesn't exactly mean he would get into them, I'm just a girl for God's sake!

"Well, would you ever get back with James?" - interviewer.

"None about James" I say trying to smile.

"Um ok, are you happy for Tom?" - interviewer.

"Extremely, like he had so much fun doing this movie he deserved it so much" - mia.

"Right well that's good" - interviewer.

"Mia, could you please just tell us one thing about James?" - interviewer.

"Fine one quick question" - mia.

"And you'll answer it?" - interviewer.

"Yeah fine" - mia.

"Do you miss him and what about him if so?" - interviewer.

Tom is now standing beside me he whispers in my ear "it's ok".

"I miss the way he would always make me smile, he no matter how sad I was he was always there in a flash making me smile and the way he looked at me ... ehehe it was so honest he was always looking at me like it was the first time seeing more or even the last time seeing me" - mia.

Toms grip on my wrist has tightened.

"Omg that's so beautiful and so honest any other person would probably say I miss the sex or I miss his body but you miss his personality" - interviewer.

I nod and walk away with Tom.

I check my phone ... fuck of course he texted me but it makes me smile.

James😐
"I miss the way you would always say that you loved me no matter what shit I ever did, you always made me laugh and smile and cry and made me angry but not the bad kinds, the kind like ... I was in love. I don't think you miss kissing me or hugging me because you seem to not want to talk to me besides it seems you and Tom are just fine on your own. You know what I miss every single good or bad detail about you because that's what made me love you ... your temper ... your sarcasm ... your smile ... your laugh ... your eyes ... your attitude ... the way you acted when you were drunk ... the way you worried about me so much. And now I just want to say, I'm happy as long as your happy. Please just let me know if your happy so then I can know to be happy I just don't want you feeling sad anymore because you don't deserve it x"

I smile and think 'damn he really does miss me'. I reply back.

"What would you do if I wasn't happy?"
"Love you till the end of time and hold you and tell you I love you and I'm not going anywhere"
"Are you happy?"
"I'm not sure, I still feel like I love you but I also love Tom"
"I'll love you forever"
"Sending my love to Brendan x"
"Ok x"

Authors note.
Brendan is James and Anne-Marie-Duffs son he's 10, they keep him private and away from paparazzi for privacy reasons especially after James and Anne divorced.

I smile at the message as I sit in the theatre waiting for the movie to start. Tom takes my hand and kisses it he says "I love you so much, please don't leave me". I nod but don't promise because I can tell some,thing stupid is coming up as in James trying to get me back or something. We sit there in silence that's so thin you could cut it with a knife.
Once the movies done we all go back and hear there realising the movie so we all go out and pose for the cameras.
Jeff and I stand and smile, he's funny and such a great guy, he follows me on insta and says "oh love that photo" as he likes all of them.
Chris gives me a piggy back ride for a few of the pictures and nearly drops me a few times, we are literally 5 year olds.
Tom stands holding my waist smiling with me. I look at him and his smile so big and bright and he looks at me and his eyes sparkle.

"Stop looking at me like that" I say blushing a little. He kisses my cheek making more people turn there focus to us.

"Stop looking at you like what?" He asks.

"Shut up Hiddleston" I say walking to the car with him.

We sit down and head back to the house in silence.
When we get in we watch the premier on the tv.

"Tom?"

"Mia?"

"I'm sorry for saying that stuff about James, it's been difficult and I'm confused a little but I promise to love you no matter what" I say cuddling into him.

"I know, I'm not the jealous type unless I see you hugging him or kissing him then I will get very ... very ... very jealous" he says.

"You were jealous when you punched him" I say which makes him groan.

"Yes my love I know" he says sighing.

"Yes my love I know" I say trying to mimic his posh English accent.

"Ehehehe" he laughs.

"Ehehehe" I try mimic before he starts tickling my side.

"Thomas!" I shout slapping him lightly on the arm.

Flashback.

"James Mcavoy stop it!"

"Or What my love, your helpless"

"James ... I'll I'll, Ugh just put me down ah"

"You'll do what?"

"I'll not kiss you for two weeks"

He puts me down and sits with me.

"I love you Mia"

"I love you to James"

A car bashing into me, my ears ringing, people shouting around me, Tom crying, James crying, ambulance, light and nothing.

End of flashback.

"Mia ... Mia!" I hear toms voice say from far of.

"Hmm?" Is all I can manage.

"You blacked out love are you alright" he says picking me up.

"Yeah just fine" I say sitting up and drinking tea he made for me.

"Have you been getting flashbacks from the accident?" He asks.

"Yeah but it's fine" I say obviously lying.

"Mia you can trust me" he says stroking a piece of hair behind my ear.

"Yeah, I have been but it's ok honestly" I say.

"Okay, I'm here if you need me, drink your tea it's better warm" He says which makes me giggle.

Loki dokie people. Have a good one wherever you are ehehehe - M :)