Narcissa Rostand's Journal - The Rostand

Ch 10

I made sure for the for the first year after we got married of not getting pregnant. Not only did I have designs upon my knightship and how to rise through the ranks, I also wasn't keen on having the naysayers thinking themselves in the right. A few thought that I was expecting, when in fact we hadn't ever been together that way until after we got to live together.

Azalea was there for me, and her daughter Cindy was the first baby I got to carry and practice motherhood with. And of course my mother supported me, but at that time greys and whites were starting to cover her hair, cutting through the muted red and highlighting her wrinkles, and I didn't want to upset her too much.

That had been one reason to marry so soon too; of the three of us Elyon was still thirteen and Shirley and Godfrey were well but not thinking of tying the knot any time soon. If I must admit to my selfishness, I wanted her to have at least one grandchild before she died.

As I wrote previously, losing her mother-in-law and her dearest friends so soon after that washed down much of her spirit. That same year she quit being Gurú and lost much of her love for developing medicines. Instead she went down to those deep, dark dungeons where safety can't be guaranteed, and her stunts granted her many rare materials and adventure points enough to be 20k ahead of her peers.

A part of me has always thought that she wanted to die, even when her own training took ever her once she was in the middle of a fight. Or that maybe it was then, when she could risk dying, that she felt most alive. I don't really know, and in the end this is nothing more than especulation from my part.