22.SIDHARTH AND GLIMPSE OF HIS PAIN....

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Everyone were enjoying after dinner while talking with each other. I felt at peace after a lot of years. I was happy but I missed someone.... like some piece is missing in my life right now but whatever it is I didn't wanted to ponder over it as I'm happy or maybe I know whom am I missing.
Aliya: It felt so nice to meet you after years Aaradhika.
M: Same here Aliya. It's been such a long time.
Aliya: Circumstances favour main nahi the in these years so that we could come back.
Sana: Why do you want to remember old things Maa. Present main rehte hai na.
M: True Sanu, Aliya thank you Aaj Sana ko dekhkar lag raha hai ki finally voh khush hai. U brought me back my old Sanu I wanted to see in these years.
Raj: Kaisi baat kar rahe ho aap. Naaz humari bhi beti hai aur usse khush dekh kar Hume bhi kafi acha lagta hai. Itne saal we were not here but she is most important to us too. May be uski condition.....
Sana: Baba leave this topic, khush hoon na main why do want to remember old things.
D: Sahi keh rahi hai Raj Sana.
Dad and Baba were discussing about their business and Maa and Mom were discussing something about Shanaya. I was just admiring them as this was what I was watching after years. Suddenly my phone rang pulling me out of my thoughts.
Sana: Hnn Krish.
K: Sana I'm going back business issues hai toh aana possibile nhi hai. Tune jo batana tha abhi call par bata de.
Sana: it's ok Krish, next week aayega tab Bata dungi, tension mat le.
K: Sure Sana, Abhi bhi u can tell.
Sana: I know but it's something important I will tell u once we meet.
K: Something serious?
Sana: Nhi Krish Kuch serious nhi hai chal pahunch kar message kar dena and take care.
K: Ok.
D: Kiska call tha bacha?
Sana: Krish tha Dad.
D: Is he coming?
Sana: Nhi kuch business issues hue shayad vapis jaa raha hai aap jaakar dekh Lena.
D: Hnn zaroor.
Raj: We should also leave its quite late now.
D:Stay with us tonight Raj as we too are leaving tomorrow.
Sana: Hnn baba yahi ruk jao kafi late bhi ho gaya hai.
Raj: Ok then.
Aliya: Raj I will just come ek call karna hai.
Maa went outside and it's a long time now. I went to check if she is alright but when I went there she was worried as if sensing someone she turned back and when she saw me she tried to relax.
Sana: Maa aap thik ho ?
Aliya: Haan bacha thik hoon.
But her face was clearly showing how worried she was. Before she could go inside a car came and stood right in front of our house at the other side.
Aliya: Sana beta tum jao I will just join u in few minutes.
Sana: Nhi Maa aapko akele chodkar nhi jaa rahi main.
Aliya: Beta I just need to meet someone in the car I will just come . U go beta.
Sana: Fine aap milkar aao I'm standing here.
Aliya: Ok.
She went towards the car and to my shock Sidharth came out. So this was the reason she was not wanting me to go with her but something is not right. Are they having an argument? And why Sidharth seems different ? Is he drunk?
I should go and check on them, no but this isn't right ..... but I need to see what's the issue?
Sid: Maa please let me be the way I'm.
Aliya: Sidharth if your Dad gets to know that you are drunk again he will never talk to you.
Sid: Unhe batayega kon? Aap batao ge Maa?
Aliya: Sidharth beta kyun kar rahe ho apne saath aisa? This is not good for your health.
Sid: Maa iss par lecture nhi chaiye yaar aapko Milna tha main aa gaya na, toh please let it be.
Aliya: Milna tha par tab yeh nhi pta tha na ki iss haal main aaoge, why are you driving even after being this drunk
Sid: Maa please let it be.
Aliya: Chalo I will come with you.
Sid: Nhi just go inside I want some time for myself .
Aliya: Kab tak Sidharth?
Sid: Please Maa jao, baba bahar aa jayenge. I promise I will stay safe. I will meet you in the office tomorrow.
Aliya: Par....
Sid: Nhi Maa just go.
I saw Maa leaving him all alone as he was too stubborn to let her come with him but why is he such? What's wrong? I saw him taking out another drink from his car and drinking it leaning against his own car. But why the hell is he drinking this much? How will he drive back home?
I went there and stood in front of him. He saw me and gave me a sad smile. My heart is paining after seeing him in this condition.
Sana: Sidharth.
Sid: Sana....
His eyes were moist. I feel like my heart is breaking once again by seeing him in such a condition. What has he done to himself and most importantly why? He seemed so happy the day I saw him with his friends in the mall then what has happened suddenly? Why does his eyes show that he is as broken as me and where is she?
I can't take him inside in this condition Maa ki baat sunkar laga that baba will get angry if he saw him like this. I can't leave him alone too.
Sana: Sidharth u are drunk common give me the keys and get in the car I will drop you.
Sid: I'm drunk but I haven't lost my senses baby. I can drive pretty well.
Sana: I'm not in a mood to argue Sidharth,give me the keys and sit in the passenger seat.
Sid: No sweetheart. If u wanna come with me then please sit in the car, no objections but I will only drive.
Sana: Sidharth see I get that u can drive but I don't want to risk yo... my life so please give me the keys.
Sid(hurt): Do you think I can hurt you?
My heart wanted to say no but as usual my logical brain has a lot of reasons to say yes. But I didn't wanted to get in a dilemma right now and seeing pain in his eyes is making me emotional.
Sana: Sidharth it doesn't matter.
Sid: U need to answer this baby.
Sana: Keys Sidharth?
He pulled me towards him suddenly and rotated our position such that my back was touching the car and his heavy breaths were falling on my face. This proximity was too much for me to handle and the way his eyes we're looking straight in mine I felt myself feeling the emotions I faced 6 years back.
Sid: Sana.....
Sana: Sidharth.. side hato it's quite late I need to come back too.
He came more closer to me and I feel like I'm losing it.
Sana: k...kya kar ra... rahe Ho Sidharth....
Sid: Just listen to me once Sana.
Sana: Acha thik hai I will listen you get inside first and give me the keys.
He gave me the keys and settled himself in the passenger seat with the bottle still in his hands. I breathed heavily because he still has the same affect on me whether I believe it or not. I messaged Dad " I will be back in some time Dad, some important work has come. Will try to be back in some time."
I entered the car and saw him still drinking but as soon as he saw me he stopped it and gave me a weak smile, I need to ask him some questions but is this the right time and condition?whole journey was almost silent me holding myself to ask certain questions and Sidharth well he was just staring the road ahead. I was about to turn towards their old home which I remember but he suddenly shouted...
Sid: Stop.
I was startled for a moment but anyways I stopped.
Sana: Kya hua everything ok?
Sid: Don't go to that route....
Sana: I didn't get it Sidharth Ghar nhi jaana tumhe?
Sid: Ghar ka pta nhi par main vahan nhi rehta Jahan tum jaa rahi ho.
Sana: Hnn what do you mean?
Sid: Aage se fifth turn left and phir two turns baad right.
I was so confused right now. Maa baba lives there then where does he wants to go and what did he meant by "Ghar ka pta nhi" When suddenly he held my hand and said
Sid: Baby I know u are thinking something.
Sana: I'm thinking about many things Sidharth.
Sid: Believe me sweetheart just once listen to me and u will find your answers yourself.
Sana: let's go Sidharth I need to come back too.
He didn't said anything instead just lit up his cigarette and looked out of window.
He took three back to back and now He need to stop this as he is too drunk already and this is definitely going to harm him and even I'm alergic to the smoke of these.
Sana: Sidharth
Sid(still looking outside) : Hmm
Sana: Just stop it.
Sid: What should I stop sweetheart?
Sana: Crush your cigarette right now Sidharth.
He felt tensed and without wasting a single second he threw it out of the window. He caressed my hand and asked out of fear,
Sid: Are you fine baby I'm so sorry I forgot that you are allergic to this smoke.
Sana: It's ok Sidharth you forgot many things then this is too small for you to remember.
Sid: Sana see I know it's not easy for you but......
Sana: We reached Sidharth.
I got out of the car and I saw a beautiful villa in front of me. Does he live alone here? But baba said he has many persons to look after him.
I saw him struggling to open the main lock due to the intense headache he was going through....
But What else could I expect from him in drunk state. I wondered how has his alcohol tolerance increased this much as even after drinking a lot he is able to speak without any fluttering in his voice and can even stand still except the pain in his head.
Sana: I will do it.
I opened it for him and the interiors shocked me as they were not his taste instead were mine all those details I wanted in my own house were here with the elegance and style he used to like but why?
I was still looking around when I felt him hugging me from behind. I wanted to push him but once again it was my heart which overpowered my brain and my senses. I came back from my thoughts when I felt him nuzzling himself in my neck and murmuring
Sid: I missed you Sana. I really missed you.
Sana: Sid... Sidharth leave me kya... Kya kar rahe ho.
Sid: I am sorry baby but I missed talking to you, I missed hugging you, I missed....
Sana: I get it but please... get a side Sidharth.
Sid: Didn't you missed me baby?
I really missed him in all these years, every day, every minute and every damm second but I can't tell him this when he was loosing his senses in alcohol.
Sana: Sidharth let's go to your room.
Sid: You will stay with me?
He asked with innocence in his eyes and I didn't wanted to deny but I need to go back so I decided I will go back once he is asleep.
Sana: I will stay with you Sidharth.
He held my hand and brought me to his room. His room is as organised as it could be but what I didn't liked was the beer bottles kept on the floor surrounding his bed and the cigarette packs on the bedrest. What has he done to himself?
He gestured me to sit and I sat on his bed when he came besides me and kept his head in my lap. I wanted to resist but I couldn't. I kept my hands in his hairs feeling them. At this moment everything can wait, all the questions all the answers and even the past.
Sid(sleepy tone) : ask what is going in your mind baby.
Sana: I will but for now sleep
Sid:You will be gone by the time I get up I know so ask before I fall asleep.
Sana: You won't answer me Sidharth.
Sid: I promise I will answer whatever you ask Sana.
I could ask him anything as his eyes were showing how genuine he is right now but I don't want any other answers when I don't want to step in my past. I saw him drifting to sleep so I asked
Sana: Why do you drink and smoke this much Sidharth?
Sid(sarcastic laugh): I thought you remember everything Sweetheart but unfortunately you don't.
Sana: Don't dig the past Sidharth.
Sid: I promised you Sana that day till the time you are with me I will not drink and neither will i smoke but reality is you are actually were not there with me from past 5years 11months and 15 days Shehnaaz. And from that day this is my life. It wasn't what I wanted but it was what helped me to imagine you around me as after loosing my senses completely u always came...
I kept moving my fingers in his hair but I felt he left his sentence in between and when i looked at him I found him asleep holding my other hand tightly. I was thinking about the promise when that day came in front of my eyes.

23 June 2013
It was a day before my birthday and 2 days after six months of our first meet. Everything was fine we both realised we have something more than normal friendship but no one decided to talk about as we both feared about the reaction of the other. It was late at night when I received a text message of Tanmay which was very shocking as he never texted earlier.
"Shehnaaz I need your help. Sidharth is not ready to listen to anyone and he is drinking non stop. We can't even tell his parents as he don't talk with them. He is not even listening to Samaksh. I'm sorry but now it's only you who can convince him to go to his house and stop drinking."






What do you think has happened in the past?
Why is Sidharth drinking this much?
What does Sidharth wanted to talk to Shehnaaz?

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