Mark My Words

Sinner - Depression, Anger, Loneliness, and Love

So sinful were you. How could you go against your own grain, and submit to him? You lost yourself in the daze called life, and now you realized that everything you thought was right; you were too far gone.

He saved you, you were caught up in the moment. Simple as that.

But, you thought. Could it be more than that? Could what I am feeling be more than an illusion, a trick of the mind? Maybe, just maybe, could something more deep, more potent be going on? You were cold, so very cold. Yet each time you were around him, your solid ice heart would melt a bit more. It was a raw emotion everyone had.

An emotion that every human had. One that was so very easy to identify if you knew what you were looking for, yet everyone was blind to it, fell to their knees for it, searched their whole lives when it was right in their faces, under their eyelids, just waiting to be found. It was a cold and desolate world around you. Bodies lie in piles before your porcelain throne, and you stay still as stone, your next moves' all set up to plan. Abandoned, were you, as your only slave was the one who worshipped your body, the one who praised your every sinful sigh, and satiated your lustful desire with a passionate stare. With a mere touch, and you'd reach haven.

With a kiss, you could be blown away, but every day you lie awake and realize it was all a lie, your fate was set in stone, and you could never be happy in his arms. Your body was his temple, and your throne was his lap. You warmth was his embrace, and his light was your eyes. No matter how dark the day may be, no matter how many shattered glasses filled you fortress, he would be there the next day. He would hug you, and make you feel special. But was it a lie. One forged by the trust of sinful lust, to all in which was denied. The raw, powerful, and fierce emotion that was indescribable. You knew it. Deep inside you felt it, but you didn't know who you were.

Who were you? A sinner. A criminal. An outlaw. A beast. But you were also a lover. A passionate entity. A heart with a cracked shield. A tender soul with barely anything left. A shattered glass that was poorly tapped together. You were done with life. You were left feeling deprived. You were abandoned by life long ago. And you tried to seek help. But there was void that no one could fill in your empty and violent humanity.

Loneliness filled your restless core with its petrifying supremacy, and made you bow and tremble in its wake. You are crying, laying in your bed, emotionally dying, trying to get stable, but always relying on the one who is usually there, but now he's spitting up blood wishing you'd go home, to your porcelain throne.

But you remember what he told you before you left. What he told you before life ended lie the rest, a cold sad song mourning the loss of an individual without a heart.

"Don't give in,

I know it seems bad and may never get better,

But someone cares.

Hell, maybe many care,

But they remain silent.

Remember someone will always care.

There is more to life than yelling.

Hating,

Anger,

Depression,

Death.

We were given this life for a reason.

We are here for a reason.

We just have to figure it out.

So I'll only ask you once;

Put down the knife.

Put down the gun.

I know many of you will say it isn't that easy,

That I don't understand.

But I do,

It is that easy, you just make it hard.

You make it hard by hating yourself...

By letting it get to you...

Don't.

So, I'm only going to ask this one last time.

Then you forget everything here.

And never look back.

Put down the knife.

Put down the gun.

Your life is worth so much,

Even if you don't think it's worth much,

There is one person who thinks it's worth more than anything,

Me."

It makes you wonder what you've started. Thinking 'What did I do to deserve this part?' It feels like a thousand knives piercing your heart, God why did you do this? Why did it have to be this way, why do you have to feel this way that no one understands? These battles wage on and on, all the pain they disperse is put on to you, you think 'Agree to disagree you think this shit is making a Better life for me?'

You can't see straight from all the crying you do occasionally, it making you blind, driving you crazy, Insanity. It's all because of him, you want to run in a corner and hide, but don't know what to do without you on his side. That's the only reason you're still living to this date, still living this life.

If you, die he will tell the family you love 'em, and to carry on keep in going, that I'll be looking down on him till he's a hundred and eleven, and that I'll see him one day again when we rejoin, in heaven.

You ask yourself now, what is this I'm feeling? Who am I?What am I?

You are loved. You are yourself. You are perfect.

And I love you. All of you.