MY YEARS WITHOUT YOU

Part 27-Lost

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"What is it mum?" I smiled without looking in her direction, my eyes were on the screen in front of me.

I had seen her smile from my eye's side and I knew she had been looking at me for a long while.

She visited a day after I had informed her about my pregnancy and ever since, she visited frequently.

My question made her smile deeper.

"How far gone are you?" She asked.

"With what?" I sounded confused.

"The baby" she said as she pointed to my belly.

"Oh" I replied smiling deeply.

"Eight weeks" I said as I rubbed my belly unconsciously.

"It's just surprising you know" She continued as I turned to look at her.

"You do realize that you have a life growing inside you now" she continued.

I smiled too.
"Was this what you told Ola and Oge as well?"

"Yes, and I would repeat same for you. It's your first child and it's going to be a bit rough for you" she said, her tone was that of someone cautioning from experience.

"Mum, you don't need to go over these stuffs again. I know these things, I've read books and watched videos"

She laughed so hard at me.
I watched her, wondering what was funny.

"What's funny?" I asked

"You think it's going to be that easy because you've read books?"

I shrugged in response and she just looked away and chuckled.

There was a moment of silence between us.

She was starring blankly at the television while I was busy on my computer.

"The last time I was here, your mother in-law was with you.
You know she's trouble, how have you been coping with her?"
Mum asked widening her eyes unconsciously as she drew closer, like she didn't want anyone to hear her even as there was no one around.

"Surprisingly, she has been so sweet to me of late. She calls almost everyday and comes around when she can. Outside the cascade, she's indeed a nice person" I answered looking at my mum.

She rolled her eyes in a way that said "it's all drama" and I laughed at the act.

"Mum, I know what you are thinking" I laughed hitting her loose hand playfully.

"People don't just change like that. You have to be very careful Amara.I know what I'm saying." She said looking away from me to the TV which she wasn't interested in.

"Mum, Agatha was just being concerned for her son. She felt I wouldn't be able to bear him children, but now, her doubt has been cleared by my present condition" I smiled mischievously at her as I rubbed my invisible bump.

She looked away uninterestedly and didn't say anything.
I looked at her for a while and turned back to my screen chuckling.

Mum can be unbelievable a times I thought.

"How are you coping?" She asked again, this time with concern spelt in her eyes.

"I thought we've gone through this already mum? I'm fine. My baby hasn't even started kicking yet" I replied smiling.

"Not that. I meant, How has life been without Nathan, your husband?"
She asked adjusting in her seat, her gaze clearly fixed on me.

I tried sitting up , as I avoided her inbreaking stare.

I was sure she picked on the sudden change in my countenance.

"I've been good. Life has been good too.
I mean,I don't have a choice or do I?" I replied looking away

"No, you are not good. You can't lie about it. The pain you feel is clear, even in your smile and laughter"

I hated that it could still be seen regardless of the number of times I had tried to hide it.

I became quiet.
Lately, Nathan wasn't a topic I enjoyed discussing. It weighed me down.

"I'm fine Mummy" I managed to say.

But instead ,she reached for my hand and calmly she compelled me to speak.

"Talk to me Amara. I know you are locking up all your feelings, worries and fears inside. I know you are very scared. Tell me what you fear. Let it all out, I'm your mother and I won't use them against you"

Her words pierced through every part of me.
I opened my mouth to speak, but my words were far away from me.

I looked at her helplessly and I saw her eyes begging that I talk to her.

"I feel alone" I managed to say in a breaking voice.

"It's really hard. Mum,I thought I could do this but right now, I doubt that I can"

"His baby is growing inside me , and by the time Nath gets out of jail, he'll be 15 with no idea of what living with a father feels like. That's my fear"

"Before,I was scared for myself but now, I'm more scared for my child" I said calmly as I wiped my eyes.

I had only just realized that the tears I was fighting hard to hold back had finally found it's way out.

"I know they say Marriage and life is full of ups and downs, but no one really told me how high the up could get or how low it could fall. I came unprepared." I continued with the fear in my voice.

I had finally spoken up.
She was silent, though I wasn't expecting her to say anything to me.
I knew my situation was a tough one and even my mum couldn't help me get out of it.

She sat there ,holding my hands as I fell into her chest and wiped the tears from my eyes.

"You are strong Amara, I know you are" she finally said.

At last, those words I had been longing to hear from just anyone.
It came from my Mum, that meant a whole lot to me.

I smiled at her words amidst my drying tears.

"Do you want something? Maybe a cold drink to calm your nerves." She said raising my head slightly to get my response.

"No, I'm fine mummy. I just need to rest cause I'm exhausted"

"Yeah, you should" she said letting me go .

I reached for my laptop and closed it as I turned to go upstairs.

"Amara!!!!" I heard her scream out loud.

I turned to look at her in surprise.

Her mouth was wide open and her hands cupped over them.
I could see shock and fear spelt clearly on her face and that got me scared.

"What is it Mum?" I asked as my eyes widened.

I would need someone to guess clearly what may have happened before the next update comes..

Chapter 28 would be dropping soon.
But, bye for now✌