MY YEARS WITHOUT YOU

Part 68- Blur

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Don't call my phone" those were his last words.
But as it was, it appeared to be what I had been doing since he left, calls ,calls and more calls.

He wasn't picking up, he wasn't replying my messages.
Was I a bad person? I questioned.

It wasn't my intention to do this to him.

"Please pick up Dami" I pleaded staring at my phone as it dialed his number.
As usual, it rang out as I sighed.

I wasn't in the right state of mind.
I was weak, nauseous and my head ached.

I lay down on the couch trying to call him again.
Work was out of the picture anytime I felt sick.

I had dropped by at his house the day after our fight, but he didn't want to see me.
This was the second day and still no word from him.

I didn't know his work place and I didn't plan to go there either, I felt he would embarrass me.
I was really sorry, but how do I let him know?

"Come in" I tried to shout out to whoever was knocking hoping my faint voice was heard so I wouldn't have to shout again.

I heard the door open and I sighed in relief that I wouldn't have to stand up.

"Good afternoon ma" Tola greeted.

I looked up and nodded in response.

"You called in sick, you really look sick" she said in concern as she came closer.

I tried sitting up and looked in her direction.
.

I ignored her comment as I spoke.

"Did you get the files that needed to be signed?" I asked not looking at her.

"Yes I did" she replied sorting them out as she came closer.

She handed them over as she stared suspiciously at me.

"I'm sorry this couldn't wait till tomorrow" she apologized for supposedly disturbing my peace.

"It's fine" I uttered as I signed them out.

"To be delivered today right?" I asked.

"Yes" she uttered nodding simultaneously.

I handed them over to her .

"Are you sure you don't need to see a doctor?" She asked just when I thought she was about leaving.

"I would be fine, just get my blanket from my room" I ordered as she went to do as said.

My temperature was rising and so was the pain in my head.
Crying doesn't do anyone any good does it?

"Sorry ma" she uttered as she covered me up.

"I would just drop this off at the office and come back, you really need someone around  or should I call Mr.Dami?" She asked concerned.

I looked at her and her face was confused like she was unsure of what wrong she had said.

I wondered if Dami would come running if he was to hear that I was in danger after all that's happened between us.

"No don't bother. I would be fine" I uttered as she stood from her squatting position and walked away, still stealing glances at me as she did.

Did she really care that much for me , or was she just feeling sorry for my suffering ass?

I closed my eyes trying to get some sleep in the silence of my house but that seemed futile.

Thoughts of Dami kept crossing my mind , was that why it ached so much?

At this point , I just figured I never really new what I wanted.

I didn't know if I wanted to be with Dami or if it was Nathan I wanted to be with.

The time with Dami was good while it lasted , I had never felt wanted in a very long time.
I was angry that he left feeling used.
I never played him, I still don't know how to explain that.

I couldn't tell what I felt for him, but I knew I cared so much about him.

And Nathan?

What was so hard in what he had done to forgive?
Why can't I just move on from the lie he told , why was it eating me up?

An end with Nathan appeared good, at least that was the only end I saw until I discovered that he lied to me.

I had always been indecisive about things.
I needed Nma but she's not here to lend me her thoughts.

"Ehmm ma, I think you need to see a doctor" the voice interrupted my thoughts.

I opened my eyes to find Tola's hand feeling my neck slightly.

"Your temperature is rising and I don't  think I can give you anything to get you normal" she uttered looking at my eyes.

She was blur to me.

"What about the files?" I asked as my eyes were closing up.

"I didn't go with the driver, he would send it to Femi at the office" she said.

"I would drive you to the hospital in your car, let's get you dressed " she said to an unresponsive me.

"Ma!, ma!" I heard I call faintly.

"Amara!" She called consistently, anxiety filling her voice.

It was faint and that was the last I heard, I heard nothing more!.