MY YEARS WITHOUT YOU

Part 40- Grieving 46.

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Thoughts, thoughts and more thoughts,
that was all I had given my life to.

I knew I was slowly becoming a shadow of myself, but I didn't care anymore.
I needed my friend, and her demise remained a dream to me.
I felt her absence each day.

Deleting her number from my phone was the hardest thing for me, I couldn't bring myself to do it.
That would mean accepting that she was gone for good.

She might just be alive somewhere, maybe waiting for the right time to come back and tell me it was all a big joke.

Solitude became my new Best friend as
I cried my eyes out recalling how beautiful my day would have been with her in it.

Now I begged to just see her smile.
I should have valued every moment with her.
I just didn't think she would be gone so soon.

"Ma" Tola called out calmly as she walked into my room.
She must have been knocking but I didn't hear ,as I was lost in thoughts.

I looked up at her and curled myself back under my blanket.
I could feel the fear in her every step as she came forward.

"Madam" she called out again almost in a whisper.

"Tola, I want to be left alone" I uttered.

She was quiet as she stood looking down at me.

"You've been saying this for the past two weeks and I'm scared for you ma" she responded.

I could hear the worry in her voice.

"You barely even have anything to eat, you are pale and growing lean every single day"

I looked at her, raising my head slightly from the pillow.

"I employed you to work as my work assistant. You are not my nanny, so I would suggest you do your work" I cautioned her.

She was quiet as she reached for her bag and brought her notepad out.

"Ma, we are really slow on deliveries. You've not given out orders for production yet.
The customers are really complaining about late deliveries, some have complained that you haven't reached out to them yet and their events are almost close.
I don't know what to say to them"

I was silent as I rolled my eyes at the news.

"Find something to say to them.
If possible, refund them and sell off the materials.
Just do anything you like , I don't care anymore"I uttered uninterestedly.

" you really don't mean that Ma, do you? "

She didn't expect an answer ,as I remained quiet.

"Ma" she called out again, this time sitting beside me and placing one hand on my shoulder as I lay on the bed.

"You've been stuck in this house for the past 2 weeks and I know from the look of things, you intend to remain in here"

"But if you keep doing this, you would keep hurting.
Remember, the dead don't have feelings, so she wouldn't feel or know all you are putting yourself through because of her demise"

"I know you feel like your world has come crashing down, it's only normal to feel that way. But then, it's time to let go.
Life continues, it doesn't stop because one person dropped on the way"

"If you keep doing this, you would wake up one morning and realize that all you've ever worked hard for, have all disappeared due to your neglect"she said,her eyes fixed on me.