MY YEARS WITHOUT YOU

Part 42- Therapy

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Dedicated to all those who have been depressed and have found a way out of it.

        ~Amara's P.O.V~

The grief,
It was eating me up and I was slowly becoming a shadow of myself.

I needed to do something about it and therapy seemed to be the only way out.

I walked slowly into the hotel, asking questions to find my way.

I guess I came late because when I walked in, I found pairs of eyes starring at me for distracting them.
That wasn't the kind attention I needed.

I walked cautiously and found somewhere to sit in the middle.
I tried to appear less uneasy as they continued the talk.

There were more people than I expected, roughly 25 people.
I never thought people embraced therapy sessions like this one, it must be truly helpful then.

I was becoming comfortable  after a while.
It felt nice hearing people's experiences after all.

The moderator ,Mrs Luchi was a good listener and was good at asking deeper questions.

A membership form was passed down to me , which I filled out and submitted.

"Joe was my all , basically all I had ever asked for..." A woman about my age was narrating.

I was listening adamantly before my mind strayed deeper.
I focused on her face.
I could tell she was way more beautiful than what she looked like now.

I could see how much sadness had taken away from her and I tried to imagine what she looked like years back.

Seeing her made me imagine myself in her state, she was trying to fight her tears, but they still fell off each time she spoke.

How bad life must have treated her?

Did I look like she did, with all the troubles life and Nathan had put me through?

I couldn't tell, but I knew for sure that I didn't look so good at that moment.

My eyes strayed to Mrs Luchi, a woman of probably 60 years.
She still looked good and quite classy.

I felt she must have experienced a lot for her to be organizing a therapy session as this.

"Mrs Amah?" My neighbour called out, tapping me slightly.
I was startled as I came back to reality.
I looked at her and she pointed to the moderator who must have been talking to me.
I must have been lost in thoughts of Nathan and my grief that I didn't know what was going on around me.

"I'm sorry, you were saying?" I asked trying to cover up the slight embarrassment I had caused myself.

"I was asking if you have something to say to us Mrs Amah. Anything you would like to share?" she asked smiling at me.

"Oh" I replied shaking my head to her question while forcing a smile.

"Not really" I added.

She smiled deeper.

"Yes I know,
You are new here so it's only normal not to have something to say.
Well take your time Mrs Amah, you would get used to it all.
No rush"
she smiled as she looked at the paper she had in her hands.

I looked at my hands contemplating whether to say something or not.
I had a lot to say, I just needed to form the words and get it out of my head.

"Talking sometimes helps" I heard Nathan's voice replay in my head.

Where would I start from, what should I even say?
Was I to start from Nathan or from Nma or was I to talk about how lonely I was currently feeling?

How angry I was becoming at Nathan for being away now that I needed him the most,
for putting me through all these years of loneliness and pain.

"Okay, does anyone else have something to say?" Her voice broke in again bringing me back.

No one responded.

"Okay since no one...." She was able to say before I broke in.

"I..I think I have something to say" I stammered as some people turned to look in my direction.

I starred blankly in space , avoiding as many eyes I could.

"I don't think I can keep it all in anymore, or else I would keep grieving till I eventually die, just like they did"
I said slowly, I wasn't sure if everyone heard me clearly because my voice was low.

But I knew for sure that the room was quiet and they were all listening.

"My life hasn't been so good.
I didn't know how bad it was until now.
I think I have been grieving for a really long time even though I might have not realized it earlier"

I paused for a while, and I saw they were all listening aptly.

I hesitated for a while, but then the moderator gave me an assuring look.

"I haven't been myself since I lost my friend.
And my husband.." I said pausing abruptly.

"No amara,
don't tell these people about Nathan.
How do you explain that your husband is in prison?
That he is innocent but he pleaded guilty?
You might have understood his situation, but do you think they would?"
My thoughts were speaking to me.

"I know he's part of the reason you are depressed but just say something else or just don't talk about him ,Okay?" It continued saying.

I nodded in reply to my thoughts.

"Oh dear ,I'm so sorry you lost them.
Almost everyone here has lost people too"Mrs luchi said sadly looking at me.

"Wait what?" I asked myself.

Did my nodding reply a question she had asked while I was thinking?

Oh shit!!!
Maybe she asked whether my husband died.
I must have nodded to her question without knowing it.

If I should say he isn't dead, then it means I would have to talk about Nathan and his life in prison.

No, I'm not ready to

"And it's okay if you don't want to talk about it. You still have time dear" She added as she turned to face others.

"That would be all for today , see you all again next week and...." She continued while my mind strayed.

I should have told her that it was just Nma and not Nathan.
I regret not clearing that misunderstanding.

" I shouldn't come here again, I muttered as I took my bag and turned to leave just as others did.

"Amara?" I heard someone call slightly from behind me.

I turned sharply to know who it was.

He had his brow still arched in uncertainty.

My eyes widened and so did my mouth.

It was him!

What do you think guys?

Amara was misunderstood by the moderator and she didn't think it necessary to correct the woman, why do you think that happened?

Anyways that's understandable, Nathan's situation wasn't something to be so proud of.

Now,
who do you think the guy Amara met was?

A gift for whoever guesses right before the next chapter.

Bye y'all✌😘.