Bad Habits

10

How simple life for a fish in a tank must be. It will swim back and forth, left, right, up and down all in the same direction every day of its life. It doesn’t have to worry about pleasing others or work or school, it doesn’t worry about money or food or what to wear. It just swims. What about it being trapped within the same four glass walls? Do they even think about that kind of stuff? Does it bother them? How could it, if it is all they know? They don’t know what else is out there, they don’t know another way of life. All they worry about is swimming. They just keep swimming.

“Amelia?”

I look away from the tank standing across the room and toward my mother. “Yes?” I respond.

“Your father was speaking to you. Are you alright?” My mother asks confused.

“I’m fine. Just thinking of something from earlier today.” I say vaguely.

“Work?” My father asks.

“Yea..yes.” I say quickly. “I am still working on turning the part of my mind that is for work off once I am actually out of work.” I say wanting them to not know that work is actually fine and the things I am thinking of have nothing to do with it at all.

My parents were never those parents you could go to, to speak of what was going on in your head because all that was important was that you got over whatever it was and stopped being silly. It was always work time for them, especially my father. Success was always the answer to everything and there is never an excuse for not being successful.

“I’m sure it will take some time. Don’t let others’ lives affect your own dear.” My mother says.

“Does Lou usually work this late?” I say, wanting to get the topic off of me.

“The days he does work yes.” Mom says before taking a sip of her wine.

I drink the rest of my second cup of wine. I don’t remember dinner with my parents being such a stressful matter. I guess back then all the attention was on Louis. Now it helps me see why he was the way he was back then. Just then he storms into the house jogging over to the table snatching a biscuit from the nearly full basket and running toward the stairs leading to his room on the second floor.

“Can’t sit for dinner, I need to shower and get ready for something!” he yells back to us.

I know exactly what that something is. I decided I wouldn’t go, it being the best idea with needing to distance myself from that whole situation. Besides it is a Monday night and I have another long day of work tomorrow. “Not like you don’t own the office, you could just go in a little later.” The rebellious voice inside my head says to me.

I shake my head telling it no. I hate all of this extra thinking lately and the thoughts and emotions that are being brought out. I need to refocus and do what I came here to do which is work, be happy, and succeed. “Well, you’re two of those three..” I sigh annoyed at myself.

“So Amelia, we never did finish talking about Joshua.” My father says suddenly.

I can feel my muscles tense quickly almost being painful. How idiotic of me to think that specific top had been long forgotten. Deep in the back of my mind I just knew my father has been dying to talk about it. I just wanted to believe that he would let it go, wishful thinking on my part.

“Don’t wait up, see you guys later!” Louis suddenly yells running out of the door.

I’m going to regret this later but not more than walking away from this conversation that I am done with having at this point. I stand up roughly, the legs of my chair scratching the tiled floor below. I grab my still full plate and empty wine glass walking into the direction of the kitchen faster than I want to get out of there. I walk back into the dining room to see my parents standing confused.