Bad Habits

7

“I made sure to label each box directing you to what room it needs to be placed in. There are notes on each entry telling you which room is which.” I say to the two movers.

I watch them as they walk back to the big white truck filled with personal items as well as new furniture for the house. I turn facing the house I designed a year ago. I admire the beauty of it in person rather than on paper. The two story white stone house stands strong. It’s exactly what I have always dreamed of and actually having it right here in front of me on my own accord is a great feeling.

I walk around the side of it toward the back. I instantly notice the back right corner made of tall glass windows creating a view from the open kitchen on the inside. It faces a man made pond with a group of pine trees along the backside of it. Just above the kitchen on the second floor is the master suite with a balcony just outside of the room how I asked.  I look forward to early mornings sitting outside watching the sunrise drinking my coffee and the cool summer evenings enjoying a glass of wine while watching the sunset.

I think of Josh and how he was supposed to be here with me starting this new life. I try to feel sad or disappointed or even mad, but I cant. All I feel is relief. Something never clicked for me with Joshua. Sure I liked him and enjoyed my time with him but I never for a second actually thought of our future together with happiness and excitement. It just kind of played out like a job and way of life. I went with the rolling tide and did what was expected in society at the exact stage in my life.

I know fairytales don’t exactly exist and prince charming is far from real in today’s world. Hope is a risky thing. Love is even worse. If you allow yourself to open up in such a manner to someone all it does is create an easy target for others to rip you apart and step all over the pieces. I’ve seen plenty from people in my own life and heard enough from patients. Those kinds of emotions aren’t ones I have time for and am not exactly jumping with joy to experience.

I have my career and my family here in my hometown and now my own house in two weeks time. I’m content with how my life is going, just according to plan how it’s supposed to.

His blue eyes come into my mind. I remember the intensity of his stare a few days ago just outside of the boutique I had walked out from. When I looked up I instantly looked to where he was standing next to his car already staring back at me. I was paralyzed beneath his gaze when suddenly a look of annoyance crossed his face. Chills crawled up body covering every inch of my skin with the look of hatred that filled his eyes. Confusion clouded my mind. Why does he hate me so much? He doesn’t even know me? Mostly why am I feeling upset about it? My phone shoots me out of my thoughts. I bring it to my ear as I head back to the front of my house.

“Hey Lou..” I say contently happy to be distracted from what was going on in my mind.

“I got out of work later than expected and had to make a quick stop, be there in five.” He says cheerfully.

I walk over to my car to retrieve my purse to write out a check for the movers when they finish unloading everything for me. My cell dings and I slide it open to see a message.

Baby, call me when you can please? – J

I annoyingly shake my head shoving my phone back into my pocket. I finish writing out the check when I hear loud music coming from a speeding truck. I am confused only for a second before I realize whom it is parking inside of my circle driveway.

“It’s coming along great little sister!” Louis says jumping out of the silver truck.

I watch as others pile out, Liam, Zayn, Harry, and the girl from the other night with the raven hair who has part of her head shaven down. I didn’t exactly know what to think of her. She seemed so edgy and mysterious. The intensity of her green eyes makes her look strong and fierce.

As soon as he enters my mind I notice his head of blonde hair behind Harry. Suddenly I’m on edge inside of the own vicinity of my personal space. Why is he here? Why are they all here?

“Uh Lou, I thought you were coming alone?” I whisper to him harshly.

“Relax Mia, it’s a big house you and I can sort it out all on our own. Besides work with play is always fun.” He says bouncing up the steps to the front door of my home.

Everyone soon follows him saying hi as they pass me. I see the case of beer that’s held in Liam’s hand. I bite my lip nervously not really knowing how to act. I wasn’t expecting company.

“You’re little Mia, wow you’re beautiful.” The girl with raven hair says as she touches the side of my cheek.

“Uh thanks..” I say a little alarmed by how forward she is being.

“I’m April.” She says before following after the rest of the guys.

It takes me a second to process what just happened before joining them inside of the house. On my way in the movers are waiting for me to make sure its ok for them to leave since they are done. I hand them the check after going over the paperwork. Once I see them out I follow the voices toward the direction of where my kitchen is. Everyone is sort of spread out taking the view in from the wall of windows.

“I really love this kitchen Amelia, it’s beautiful and so open.” Harry says in awe.

“Thanks, it’s my second favorite place of the whole house.” I say walking to stand next to my brother.

“You designed this all on your own?” Zayn asks next.

“Mostly, yes.” I say sneaking a look toward Niall.

I instantly look away when I see that he was already staring at me pretty intently. He does the same moving his eyes to the layout of my kitchen. Then he moves closer to the window to see out into the backyard where the pond and trees are as well as my garden that was just finished today including the landscaping lights that were placed to light up the yard. It really is a lovely site.

After a few minutes of random discussion I give everyone a tour of the rest of the house before I assign tasks to the guys on where I want certain furniture placed. I eventually venture out back to the kitchen to start unpacking some kitchenware into the cabinets.

“Hey, need some help?”

I look to see raven hair to my right. “Yeah, sure.” I smile.

I push a box over to her. “You can place them inside that cupboard.” I say pointing.

“So, you’re going to live inside this big house all by yourself?” She asks.

“Um, well yes. That’s the plan.” I respond reaching for another box.

When she doesn’t say anything I consider mentioning Josh but I shut that thought out very quickly. I was never one to ever really speak of my personal life to anyone and especially not a stranger. How iconic considering I'm the therapist. I didn’t have girlfriends growing up. The only person I had close to that was El. Sadness seeps through remembering her. I haven’t really allowed myself to think of her too much. I never really had to with being away from here all those years but now that I’m back I am noticing her missing presence more and more.

I clear my throat “I’m going to step out for some fresh air for a second. Thank you for coming to help.”

“Oh no problem, we’re usually all always together so it’s a given.” She smiles.

I nod and head for the sliding door that leads to the yard from the side of the kitchen. I take a deep breath once outside inhaling the fresh scent of cut grass and pine. I watch as the red sun begins to disappear beneath an invisible line and the lights begin to turn on one by one illuminating the yard. It doesn’t surprise me much anymore with as much beauty as there is in the world, is also sadness that comes with it.

“Yer favorite place in da house, wat is it?”