Bad Habits

37

Guilt: It is a feeling; an emotion of doing or saying something that was not out of truth; a sentiment where something that is atrocious was done or said and after it is over with you have second thoughts on the act completely. Once you feel the guilt, it is a sense of overbearing sadness that sags your heart down into an empty pit of darkness. It leaves you drowning in the fact that you wont get back up once you have fallen down.

You let yourself down when you do something against your own standards. That is guilt.

There is silence, the kind of silence that makes you sit at a stand still. It is the kind of silence that makes the chills crawl up your skin in a painful way leaving marks in their wake. I picture the scene looked upon with the sight of a battle between an elegant, so ever beautiful white wolf and its victim.

His ice blue eyes never leave me. They stay, filling me with cooled uncertainty. Eyes so clear you could see into his soul, except I can't. His face doesn't change, showing no sign of emotion. Somewhere deep within I find my very timid voice.

"I..I was just about to come down." I say softly.

He moves quickly but with so much grace. It is so effortless; he makes it seem like magic. I sit back onto the blue sheets layered over the mattress as he stops just about an inch or two from my anxious limbs. I suck in a breath as his fingers reach to touch my cheek softly before placing my damp loose hair behind my ear.

"Do yeh ned sum help wit dat?"

That knowing smirk of finding me changing does a lot to distract me from what I had just seen and the sense of feeling intercepted. My anxiety diminishes as soon as his perfect white teeth make it to the surface in a cheese grinning smile. I exhale easily.

"Shouldn't you be working?" I ask.

He chuckles, "hah baby, I'm bout tah beh."

My pupils dilate at the realization behind the hidden meaning; heart is beating a thousand unsaid words a minute. My hands start to shake as my veins are filled with excitement. I allow myself to be pushed back slowly onto the welcoming mattress. I watch his large hand left on top my midsection rise up and down with the rhythm of my breathing.

I follow the dark lines up his long arm until I reach his face. His eyes bore through me, melting me completely. It's odd how someone with eyes that look like sculpted ice can make me feel so much heat. My thighs rub together creating what little friction possible, the corner of his soft pink lips curves up forming a knowing smirk. His warm hand pushes my shirt up leaving the skin on my stomach out in the open; small goose bumps form along my skin from the chilled air inside of the silent room.

"So fuckin soft..so beautiful.." he whispers watching his fingers trace the line of my hip bone.

I suck in a breath as he undoes the button of my jeans. He licks his lips before pulling the zipper down slowly. I lift my hips slightly as he pulls the jeans down my legs. I pull one foot out at a time before he drops them to the floor. My hips suddenly jerk when his fingers begin to trace the laced pattern on my underwear.

"I like dis..a lot.." he says huskily.

I'm losing my mind officially or at least this is what it feels like. I feel like a ball of emotions is fighting its way up my throat to explode in an outburst that I won't survive. I am feeling so many different emotions that it is making it more than hard to pinpoint only one. I think back to everything that has happened so far that has lead us to this exact moment. All I can see is Niall, his blue eyes and glowing sense of warmth. I want him, mind, body, and soul. I am irrevocably and willingly in love with him.

Passion is something that you can't see but of course you can feel it. It is something deep within that can't stay locked away. It is what drives your soul to do more; it gives you life and meaning. Without it, you have nothing. He is my sole fiber of passion. I am drowning and I don't want to hold myself up to catch my breath.