Bad Habits

38

Song for this chapter:

This Is What It Takes- Shawn Mendes

I don't understand, not one bit. Why do people have to make what should be so simple, more than complicated. I scoot away in confusion quickly sitting up and enclosing my naked body with my arms as much as I can. I can feel his eyes burning a hole through my back. I want to yell, I want to scream, and I want to disappear.

"Why?" I whisper.

I hear him exhale and the warmth of his breath reaches the skin on my back. Even that fills me with some sort of joy. I hate it.

"Mia its just whut is bes.." I don't let him finish.

"You don't have that right!" I yell turning to look at him angrily.

My eyes are tearing again and it's a picture of sadness, pain, and anger. "You don't get to say what is best for me, that is for me to decide.."

He reaches out to put his hand on my shoulder and I move away getting off of the bed looking for my jeans. I work my way around the room quickly not wanting to look at him or even speak to him in this very moment. How can we create such beautiful madness when we are together yet he still denies what I can see, or is he playing me? I hate myself for not even caring if he is or not, I just want him. Anger scorches through me.

I finish putting my clothes back on and grab my things starting to walk out of the room. I assume he is still sat on the bed. That pisses me off more that he isn't trying to stop me. I drop my bag on the floor and turn storming into his direction. I push against his chest with slight force wanting him to know I am upset.

"Is this some fun game to you?!" I shriek.

His eyes dilate faster than I can utter another word. In one swift moment he is standing before me.

"Ya tink dis is a game?" He asks eerily low.

"You're really making it seem like one Niall, all you're doing is playing with me." I try to say without sounding to hurt.

I don't want to be the weak link but I know he knows I am. He probably strives off of it. I want him to know exactly how I feel, communication is key in any relationship..even a fake one.

I quickly continue, "Why talk to me? Why do what you can to be near me? You talk to me and touch me in ways that drive me insane. You made me fall for you.." I whisper looking away from him. "You can't tell me the way we move together, the way we feel when we are together is all a lie and if it is then you're really good because you fooled me.." I finish.

He doesn't say anything. He just stands there looking at me with his cold ice blue eyes. The more silent he becomes the angrier I feel. I turn to walk out but he stops me by grabbing my arm.

"Let me go." I plead.

He doesn't budge. I pull against him attempting to free myself but he's stronger than I am. He pushes me into the dresser trapping me with his body. I can see the battle he is having within his own mind and I want nothing more than to see what he is thinking.

"What are you so afraid of?" I whisper tiredly.

His lips part and I wait anxiously. "I don't want ta do wrong by ya.." He says quietly.

His eyes are piercing into me, willing me to see what he is having trouble saying. I knew all along how hard this would be. He has always been honest about everything. He told me he couldn't make any promises and yet I am still upset. I can't help anything pertaining to him. I love him, more than I want to.