That Bitch Dancer is a Virgin

TBDV 52

Shakia's POV

Napaling sa kabilang direksyon ang mukha ko nang dapuan ito ng palad ng babaeng tila coloring book ang itsura. Ininda ko ang sakit. I've had worse.

May ideya na ako kung bakit ako pinatawag ng amo-amohan namin. Mukhang may nagreklamo na namang customer sa kanya tungkol sa 'performance' ko.

"Do you think that pretty face of yours would suffice for our customers?" Halos mangugat ang leeg nito sa galit.

"You are a highly requested entertainer, Shakia, do not disappoint our customers at sayang ang perang binabayad nila!"

Tila pigil na pigil nito ang sariling sampalin ako. They can't afford to bruise me. Kailangan nilang panatilihing 'malinis' ang mga katawan namin. Gusto kong matawa. Ewan ko lang kung may matatawag pa akong malinis sa pagkatao ko.

"Take her away." She waved one hand and two muscular men immediately took both of my arms after blindfolding me. Ayaw nilang makita namin ang mga daan sa estrukturang ginagalawan namin dahil baka magka ideya pa kaming tumakas. As if we could get away from the heavy security of this place.

They deposited me in the common room for all 'entertainers' like me before I heard the bolts of the door. Wala talaga kaming takas sa lugar na 'to. At kahit na meron man, hindi din ako tatakas. Siguradong pupuntiryahin nila ang pamilya ko. Mr. Han would make sure of that. 'Yan ang tanging rason kung bakit ako nagtitiis sa impyernong kinalugmukan ko kahit na tila mas matamis pa ang nosyon ng kamatayan kaysa kasalukuyan kong sitwasyon.

"Napagbuhatan ka na naman ng kamay no'ng bruha 'no?" Puno ng simpatya ang mukha ng babaeng dumalo sa akin. The two men had threw me on the floor like a sack of garbage.

Hindi ako umimik. Tuluyan kong inalis ang piring sa mga mata ko at walang pakialam na hinubad ang suot kong damit. I have shared this same room with the ten women here for three years that each other's nudity don't make us self-conscious anymore. Kailangan kong maligo. I'm done for the day.

Sa pagkakaalam ko ay ako ang pinakabata at pinakahuling recruit sa grupong 'to. That's the reason why a lot of customers are after me. A fresh face, so they say. Kung dati rati ay puno ng kolorete akong sumasayaw, ngayon ay halos walang make-up ang mukha namin kapag hinahain sa mga lalaking habol ay laman.

They love to strip us bare.

Three years ... I have lain on different men's bed for three years. I used to cry myself to sleep every night pero wala na akong maiyak ngayon. I used to scrub myself for hours in the shower in an effort to rid myself of the disgusting things sticking on my body but I now realized that I could never get rid of those marks.

I am marked. I am tainted.

I don't know where I am. I don't know if I could ever go back. Mukhang dito na din ako ililibing sa putik ng impyernong 'to.

Muling naglakbay ang isip ko sa huling masasayang ala-ala na nakasama ko si Van.

I hope you are happy now. I hope you have forgotten me. I hope...

And just like every other night, I slept with dry eyes and an aching heart.

**

"Men and their strange fetish, God!" Rinig ko ang malakas na pagbuga ng hangin ng isa sa mga kasama namin. She was one of the older girls. We mostly spend our time taking care of ourselves, 'til three in the afternoon where we ready ourselves for the night's actions. At kagaya ng nakasanayan ay nakatoka na naman ang lahat sa pag-aayos ng mga sarili namin. Picking clothes to wear, toys to bring, make up and all that whatnots.

"Kailan ba ako makakasiping ng gwapong lalaki dito? Pawang kulubot na panget na lang ang hinaharap ko gabi gabi." That same woman snorted in disdain.

"Sus, Marimar, kung gwapo at bata 'yang mga 'yan hindi 'yan magtitiyaga sa mga bayarang gamit na gamit na!"

"Etong si Shasha lang naman yata ang fresh pa dito sa atin eh." Nabaling ang atensyon sa akin. Walang pakialam na pinagpatuloy ko ang paglalagay ng lotion sa binti ko. I have tried being genuinely nice to these girls and I realized that what we share here isn't friendship, it's a common ground. The grounds of  low flight birds all captured in one suffocating cage. I know that beneath their tough and seemingly carefree exteriors are individual souls just as broken as mine.

"Anong silbi ng fresh kung hindi naman magaling ang performance? Tch. Sa performance pa rin tayo magkakatalo."

Hearing them say this... it's almost like they don't mind being here... like they choose to be here but I know better. Walang may gusto sa amin na maluklok dito.

Maya-maya pa ay isa-isa ng natatawag ang mga babae palabas. The customers here were handed a sort of portfolio containing our pictures and age for them to choose from. Parang mga sapatos, sinusuyod at pinagpipilian kung kanino kakasya ang mga dapat ipasok. A big lump of money in exchange for one night with us, entertainers. I winced at the thought.

I stared down at the modest white knee-length dress I'm wearing. Like an immaculate sacrificial lamb.

It was around eight in the evening when I was finally fetched. Nakapiring akong inihatid sa silid. Bahagya lang akong nagulat nang sumalubong sa akin ang dilim matapos kong alisin ang piring sa mga mata ko.

Some men have weird fetish indeed. Pinigilan ko ang mapabuntung-hininga. I just want this to be done and over with.

Madilim ang silid ngunit alam kong hindi ako nag-iisa. I could feel him, whoever he is, in this room. Breathing, maybe in anticipation.

Ilang segundo lang ay naramdaman ko ang mahihinang yapak papunta sa direksyon ko. How did he manage to see anything in this darkness?

I braced myself for the touch that I knew would come. Would this man feel like sandpaper? Or would he feel like an extra melted rubber? Would he play it rough? Or maybe he would go for a turtlish pace? However he wanted it to be done, one thing is sure, I am going to be as responsive as a rock tickled by a frustrated kid.

A hand circled around my wrist. It feels oddly cold. As if whoever owned it was someone nervous and as uncertain as a virgin about to be given his first bl*wjob. Napapikit nalang ako at nagpatianod nang hilain ako nito. To the bed, obviously.

Marahan ako nitong inihiga sa kama. I remained stiff when I felt him settled beside me. This man is weird. He seemed to be taking his sweet time, as if rediscovering something reverently.

Iniwas ko ang mukha ko nang maramdaman ko ang hininga niya sa pisngi ko. I have sealed my lips for three years. They can violate my body all they want but I'm keeping my lips out of their grasp. These were the lips that tasted the man who have held my heart for the longest time. Ayokong masapawan pa iyon ng ibang halik. Kahit 'yon nalang ang maitira ko sa sarili ko.

The man beside me seemed to be taken aback. He had smelled of mint and clean after-shave. Men who visited this place rarely smell like that. They usually reek of alcohol and cigarettes. But still...

just like my heart, my lips will only open for Evankhell Hanford.

" just be quick and get it over with," malamig kong sabi. Ako na mismo ang tumulak sa kan'ya at sa dilim ay pareho naming narinig ang pagkiskis ng tela ng damit kong inaalis ko sa katawan ko.