Introspective Strangers [h.s.]

Chapter 60

Welcome to the final show.

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Running Gun Blues - David Bowie
Lola - The Kinks
Are We Not One - Young Oceans
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Chapter 60

The end of the month had arrived much faster than anticipated.

Under normal circumstances, it would be rather exciting for me. The weather was unseasonably warm for April, and exams were finishing earlier than the previous year, meaning I would have more time to spend lounging on patios and basking in the post-semester glow with all of my friends before work started up fulltime.

But this year was different. This year would be the final post-semester glow that I ever had the pleasure of partaking in because this very semester happened to be my last. And when my pen had marked those few final boxes on the fifth examination paper that I had completed a mere number of hours ago, it had signified my four-year University experience coming to an abrupt close.

The fear of the unknown was terrifying to me. It wasn't that I hadn't anticipated this very moment for hours on end while driving myself insane pulling all-nighters to study, it was just that I didn't know what came next.

As a student, you always knew who you were. That was your brand.

"What do you do?" "Oh, I'm a student."

Simple as that. People stopped asking once you gave them that answer.

But now what? Now what did I tell them? Who even was I without that identity? Now with an unfiltered fear that I had to choose a way to brand myself with something directly related to my future and my career?

These sorts of existential crisis's weren't new to me. They used to happen quite regularly when thinking about my future or what exactly I wanted to. Recently though, it had been better. I was sure that I was where I wanted to be, who I wanted to be with.

So it only made it worse that I now felt like I was doubting myself at every turn.

I'd always been the type to do things to please other people. My decisions were calculated based on what I thought would mesh the best with those around me. It wasn't until very recently that I realized it had become such a deterrent in my life to the point where I wasn't doing anything for myself, merely existing and going along with the flow of things – knowing that if I could disappoint just one less person, things would be okay.

Harry.

He was the one who made me realize that life wasn't always supposed to be about looking out for other people. It was okay to put yourself first every once and a while, no matter how much it hurt. It was okay to prioritize your feelings, even if they didn't make sense to anybody else.

"We're going to celebrate tonight," he'd announced earlier as I slipped into his car beside him, where he'd been waiting to pick me up from my exam. "We have to. This is monumental."

I'd laughed, stating that people graduated from University every day and I wouldn't even really know if I'd passed anything until at least a month from now, but he refused to listen to any of it.

It had been a few weeks since his lights display, something that I still had yet to wrap my head around and things between us had been great. Lighter, even. But the stress of work still loomed over us both like a dark cloud and as much as we'd tried to push it away, it just seemed to creep back up when we least expected it.

As much as Friday had tried to keep everyone at bay, the questions about Harry had started to pop up and it was getting increasingly difficult to keep showing up separately only to try and sneak home together on the days that he was working at the Oracle office. As much as he assured me it wasn't a big deal, something about the whole situation just made me feel weird and I was suddenly much more appreciative of the fact that I would no longer have the additional stress of school bearing down on me as well.